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Old 11-08-17, 02:09 PM
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Thumbs down Being ignored on dating sites

Nope, I don't just mean that odd shallow/flaky person, i'm talking about being ignored by everyone, quite literally.

I've tried all sorts of dialog openers. Everything ranging from a simple "hi", to the most cringeworthy jokes. (which I won't share on here)

In any case, nothing I say works. I know they've read my message, because it tells me they've read my message, but there's never any response, ever.

I know i'm not what society and mainstream considers a "looker", but the women I message aren't exactly pro-model material either.... but I kind of get the impression that THEY think they are?

Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever?
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Old 11-08-17, 02:42 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

I had the same thing, nobody chats with me on dating sites beyond a "hello" unless they happen to be a creep who proposes marriage after, quite literally, 5 minutes and that's if I'm lucky. Most people just never respond to me

And the 5 minutes thing, I am referring to the following type of conversation:

Hello
How are you
Will you marry me

(literally)
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Old 11-08-17, 03:20 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

Do you have a username like "bigDaddy" (saw that one today) or something with "king" or "stud" or something like that in it? What does your profile say?

Do you look at their profiles and ask/talk about any of their interests?

I've "heard" that dating sites have a very disproportionate ratio of males to females. I don't know if that's true or not, but that could explain why so many guys say they get ignored and so many women say they get desperate sounding messages.
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Old 11-08-17, 03:37 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by midnightstar View Post
I had the same thing, nobody chats with me on dating sites beyond a "hello" unless they happen to be a creep who proposes marriage after, quite literally, 5 minutes and that's if I'm lucky. Most people just never respond to me

And the 5 minutes thing, I am referring to the following type of conversation:

Hello
How are you
Will you marry me

(literally)
Hey, we have something in common.






Let's get married!

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
Do you have a username like "bigDaddy" (saw that one today) or something with "king" or "stud" or something like that in it? What does your profile say?

Do you look at their profiles and ask/talk about any of their interests?

I've "heard" that dating sites have a very disproportionate ratio of males to females. I don't know if that's true or not, but that could explain why so many guys say they get ignored and so many women say they get desperate sounding messages.
No, it's not "bigDaddy". Perhaps I should try that one out though?

My profile is kind of bland, but that's because my life is pretty bland, I don't really have much in the way of interests to talk about, because i'm terrible at pretty much everything and lose interest in a heartbeat.

But that's no different from their own profiles. I would ask them about one of their interests, but their profiles almost never say anything about them.

Is "hi" desperate?
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Old 11-08-17, 04:16 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post

No, it's not "bigDaddy". Perhaps I should try that one out though?
No, don't!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762
My profile is kind of bland, but that's because my life is pretty bland, I don't really have much in the way of interests to talk about, because i'm terrible at pretty much everything and lose interest in a heartbeat.

But that's no different from their own profiles. I would ask them about one of their interests, but their profiles almost never say anything about them.
You don't have to be good at something to be interested in it. You could even say it's something you're improving your skills in. You can talk about your personality, goals, etc. I wouldn't message anyone who has nothing or almost nothing in their profile. How in the world can you know if you're interested if they don't say anything about themselves? Try to avoid those ones.

Have you tried POF? They match you with compatible people and give you a list of "top prospects".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Frazer_0762
Is "hi" desperate?
"Hi" is not desperate, but there are a lot of "hi" comments, so it's easy to ignore. These are a few I've seen so far that made me cringe. "Hi beautiful" (a better alternative would be something more specific to that person, less generic), kissy emojis (slap yourself if you do that), "What are you up to tonight?" (Maybe it's just me, but that strikes me as creepy). Ideally, the best message would be something related to a shared interest you see in their profile, something that's unique and non-generic. Otherwise, you're just going to sound like all the rest and not stand out.

I replied to one message I got and he replied back promptly, but it was a very short answer to my question and didn't elaborate much or ask me anything about myself. So now I'm wondering what that means. This online dating thing is confusing.
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Old 11-08-17, 04:27 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
I replied to one message I got and he replied back promptly, but it was a very short answer to my question and didn't elaborate much or ask me anything about myself. So now I'm wondering what that means. This online dating thing is confusing.
If he was like me, then he probably didn't know what to say or what to ask. I find saying nothing is better, because i'd just end up asking an awkward question just for the sake of saying something. Those don't end well.
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Old 11-08-17, 05:08 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

In general, men get many less responses than women do.

If you decide to message someone, make sure it is because something really speaks to you from their profile...not just their looks, not just because of something they said...the whole profile, overall, must capture your interest.

Which makes the next part easy...

Write to them, but don’t just say hello, and don’t start off with a joke (unless that’s really your thing)...give them some feedback about what you read in their profile, say why it caught your interest, and because you have some real interest, ask some questions about those things they care about.

Based on what I have just said, it makes sense to put forth some real effort toward making your own profile complete, open-ended, and relevant to those things you care about.

You’re creating something to communicate who you are, what interests you, what you are looking for...and be authentic about those things, because this is not a situation where you want to present yourself as anyone other than you are. That said, it isn’t necessary to list those things that challenge you in life unless you want to (and I’d still recommend against it). There will be time enough for those things, should that become necessary.

You’re trying to tell a person who you are and why you might be someone they would find interest in. That said, your profile is not an advertisement, and you are not selling yourself.

And make sure your photos (and yes, you should have a few) are current, meaning nothing older than 6 months. They don’t need to be professional (though that won’t hurt), but make sure they really show who you are...both in the sense of what you look like, and what you do and where you do it.


Cheers,
Ian
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Old 11-08-17, 05:16 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

I spoke too soon. He messaged again with questions this time. Why did I want questions? That means I have to answer them.
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Old 11-08-17, 07:07 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

Why don't you try meetup groups or something. I heard the more men online than women too. But it's more women than men irl in most countries so your odds are better irl.
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Old 11-08-17, 10:59 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

Hmmm...don't they refer to the older ladies not yet nursing home age as cougars nowadays?

Is there a cougar based site you could join, if you aren't against the older generation as potential mate material.

Ya' never know. Might find you a sugar mama or two....or at least a different type of boredom, entertainment, and adventure potential for a while...til the next bright idea. lol

When you least expect it..........
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Old 11-09-17, 01:16 AM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever?
That's how it works for any guy who isn't exceptional.

Dating sites are by far the worst thing you can do for your self-esteem. Get off and don't go back. It does not get easier. And your mental health will thank you.

Women can spend 1 day on there and get 20 or more messages; not to mention they can message any high-value guy they want, with a pretty good chance of getting a reply, and setting up a meet the full moon if they so choose, if not sooner.

Some men can go years on these sites, getting a few phone numbers that give 1-2 texts and never reply again.

if there was something that could be more rigged (even if it shadows nature's way) I'd like to hear about it. It is the most disturbing and sick cesspool I've ever joined, I still feel dirty to this day, just from spending a few weeks on one of those places. It's where dreams go to die if you're a man without some "conventional value to offer." As if a few extra inches of height or "dat nice college degree" should be the reason to get attention, and the lack of such things a reason to be 100% ignored indefinitely. But go ahead and accept that fact if you want. I knew I wouldn't stand for it.

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Old 11-09-17, 04:12 AM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
Nope, I don't just mean that odd shallow/flaky person, i'm talking about being ignored by everyone, quite literally.

I've tried all sorts of dialog openers. Everything ranging from a simple "hi", to the most cringeworthy jokes. (which I won't share on here)

In any case, nothing I say works. I know they've read my message, because it tells me they've read my message, but there's never any response, ever.

I know i'm not what society and mainstream considers a "looker", but the women I message aren't exactly pro-model material either.... but I kind of get the impression that THEY think they are?

Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever?
I met my fiancee on a dating site. (Together 6 years now)

To be honest, I don't know what works.

The best I can tell you is what she told me.

From what she had told me, she was flooded by messages from many guys. (hundreds?)

This is common for most women on dating sites, as the male:female ratio is tilted in women's favor...by a lot.

They have to do a lot of lazy filtering, and it's stressful.

From what she told me, she filtered anyone that sounded the same, or anything that sounded like a line.

Then she'd look at profiles.

Anyone without a pic, was axed.

Future conversations came down to the profile, the pictures, and your initial icebreaker, basically.

I didn't really use a line to be honest. I just asked if we could skip the ******** steps (Laid out by the dating site) and talk either on the phone or on skype.

She said she liked that.

In the end though, she chose me because of my dog.



So...if you get anything out of this...then get a dog


Good luck buddy
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Old 11-09-17, 01:12 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

Sadly, I ahd the experience on dating sites (as a woman) where I was either ignored or contacted by the desperate creeps who (as I said) proposed pretty much as soon as we said hello so I went and never went back onto a dating site.
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Old 11-09-17, 01:44 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Sadly, I ahd the experience on dating sites (as a woman) where I was either ignored or contacted by the desperate creeps who (as I said) proposed pretty much as soon as we said hello so I went and never went back onto a dating site.
What do you do to meet people now?
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Old 11-09-17, 03:08 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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What do you do to meet people now?
My life is basically going to work and travelling to and from work and driving lessons. At the moment I don't really have time or opportunity to try and meet anyone new.

Does not help that where I live there's nothing to do. The highlight of someone's day is walking to the co-op shop.
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