wondering, a males point of view?

[Jellybean]

A fellow I worked with in a show for the last 4 weeks gave my son a gift, then a day or two later hug a necklace on my stand.
Figuring that it was left mistakenly by the possible owner, I asked around to return it. Then he piped up that he left it there for me. Then said, he bought it and didn't like it, and that I could have it or give it to someone else. So I said it was nice. Anyway, we haven't really talked much. And lately he seems to be (maybe intentionally) further away. I made a point of initiating a conversation tonight, but he was distant/aloof yet friendly. I am getting really curious and am feeling also hard to reach out. I am curious to know him a little better, before the show ends. I don't really know if he is trying to show affection for me, or if it is just my mind. My intuition say's yes.
But wouldn't it be easier for him to have just initiated a conversation with me if he was interested?
I appreciate some mens opinions.
It is fun, yet I am uncomfortable that I, a often times bold woman am feeling timid and am having a hard time reaching back. Because the signals aren't clear.
Janine

[waywardclam]

Speaking as a man, I think you need to test the waters.

As a teenager, I would have acted a LOT like this if I was infatuated with someone. I was WAY to terrified to ever come out in the open and admit it.

Perhaps you could do something like find a gift to give him in return... tell him you appreciate the necklace, and wanted to do something nice to reward him.

If he's just being friendly... no harm done.

If he really does like you... that will make his day, and may make him brave enough to try approaching you...

Another thing you could do is find some subtle way to let him overhear what one of your passions in life is. Something really simple though, like Snickers bars or teddy bears or carnations or whatever.... then give it a day or two, and see whether or not he takes the bait...

Be warned, two dangers here. A) he might not take the bait. B) if he really is skittish, and you don't handle it very subtly, he might suspect that you are trying to "help him along", and that could scare him off.

[E-boy]

Something else you could do, that would allow you to express your normal boldness without having to worry about the "mixed signals" is ask him to lunch to speak about "something". It can be anything. A professional question, general advice, usually something just a touch personal is best. Not too personal, but personal enough to justify speaking privately with someone at lunch. If he asks, "why him?" tell him he has an honest or compassionate face, or you respect his work, or he comes highly recommended or what have you.

It's a bit like the gift Idea mentioned above in that you have singled him out, though it might cause him no end of worry if it is not spontaneous (don't give him all day to think about this). It also puts him in an environment that is "safe" in that his immediate peers are not about. He may be able to relax more.

As far as your read of the situation goes dear, I think you are pretty dead on. Women are subtle. Not to dog my own gender, but subtle we are not. He's timid, but interested, and why shouldn't he be? From what I have read it's only natural you'd catch his attention. ADDers are a charming bunch. ;-)

[arkmalone]

Ok, when now one is around even for a minute, ask him if there is something else here other than a simple gift? Because you kinda felt something... If he profuses no, then case closed no problem. Now you know. If on the other hand he seems uncompfortably shy-awkward and hims and haws a bit then you got something to work on...lunch?drinks? a walk?
Good Luck.

[Jellybean]

Thanks for the ideas. I am planning on asking him out for a drink after the show to meet him further. My 8 year old has been with me so I haven't been available, but the next 2 weeks I am. He knows that too, so maybe he will ask first. I don't know that we will get along even as close friends as I am a communicator, and so far he seems not.
Thanks again, Janine

[biker]

I may not be good in relationships, but I think I see outside my own box okay. I think I am very similar to the guy you describe. I think the advice others give you is very good. I do think that once he know your interested he may open up a lot. I used to be considered a very good comunicater in relationships. The anger and dynamics in my own relationship have prevented me from comunicating like I am capable and should. I am getting better. good luck on the date! He sounds like a nice man.

[Keppig]

I had a similiar experience, a gaming friend of mine gave me a Marvin the Maritan pez dispenser. I collect Marvin and He thought I would like it. I developed a crush on him and asked him if we could have lunch together and he said no. So I got very confused.
(Since then, its been a few years, I've been told that he's interested in me but scared to try a relationship, funny how that is.)

[Jellybean]

The update: A bunch of us went out after the show on Thurs.
We were sitting together and having a nice conversation, and I thought gee this guy is realy nice. We started talking about kids as he was mentioning how much my son and I are alike. So I asked him if he had any. He replied "no, and that, that was a sore spot, as he always thought he'd make a great father"... are you ready for this..... Then he said "I am Gay" !! Anyway we had a great night, we all got a little tanked. I never let on that I was dissapointed, actually I kind of didn't mind, I really enjoy watching him perform and sing, but I wish he wern't gay though!
Janine

[waywardclam]

OMG well that wasn't an outcome I was expecting...

Although it does happen in the theatre a LOT. hehehe

Still... good to know you can be good friends with him...