radiancelis - Chicago, IL

[radiancelis]

Hi

My name is Elisa, and I'm a 24-year-old from Chicago. I'm a college student, still finishing up my undergraduate degree due to changing my major and transferring to a different school.

I just recently started seeing a new psychiatrist to look into the possibility of whether or not I may have ADD. I've been seeing a therapist for about 8 years now who I started going to in high school to deal with problems I was having with anxiety. Since then, I've seen a handful of psychiatrists and been on a number of anti-anxiety/anti-depressants that I never felt made any difference in how I felt. For the last 2-3 years, I had basically thrown my hands in the air with the notion of treatment by medication, and was relying solely on my therapist to deal with things, and for the most part, I felt like it worked pretty well for me. But throughout all of this, I've always had lingering doubts and uncertainty about what exactly it is that I'm dealing with. Anxiety has always been the closest thing I've found, but even that never quite seemed to fit entirely.

I think it was about two years ago that I randomly ended up searching for more information about ADD. I remember seeing a commercial for Strattera that was talking about Adult ADD, and I distinctly remember how something just *clicked* as I listened to the description of a few of the symptoms. I got really curious, because the things they were mentioning were things I related to, but hadn't ever thought about in the context of things I discussed with my therapist or with any of the psychiatrists I'd seen in the past. I always focused on the anxious feelings I've struggled with.

Imagine my surprise when I started reading more about ADD, only to find that it can cause anxiety. I remember, in particular, reading about the connection between ADD and anxiety in women. But most of all, I remember reading through symptoms and descriptions and thinking, "I do that. And that. And that, too! And holy crap, that's so me..." Over and over again, it was like EVERYTHING was clicking. The things that hadn't been directly explained by anxiety, this did. It was just this overwhelming sense of, "Oh my god, this makes my life make so much more sense." I just hadn't ever thought about ADD as a possibility before, because I had previously only known of it in terms of the more stereotypical view of it, that I don't totally fit into.

I didn't end up doing anything at that point about getting any kind of 'official' answer about whether I did actually have ADD; at that time, I felt like any of the things I struggled with, I was able to either manage on my own, or with the help of my therapist. This past year though, I've felt like things have just been...unraveling. Especially this last semester, which turned into an absolute disaster for me academically.

It's been gradual, but it really does seem like for the last year or so, my ability to concentrate keeps getting worse and worse, even now with things that I like to do and am interested in. In the past, it's really only been a noticeable problem with things I'm not interested in. But now, I struggle to get through things I've always loved and excelled at - I've always loved to write (I'm sure you couldn't tell, what with how short this is, har har), but I was having so much more trouble writing essays for my Literature course, even though I was really enjoying the class and the pieces I had to write about. I've always had mild to moderate trouble starting and finishing anything I write, but it was now taking me sometimes HOURS to do either or both of those things. I was getting stuck more and more often, in between the start and the end.

And the classes I had this past semester that I wasn't as interested in? Good god. I wanted to just...run away. I couldn't focus at all. I would try, and it was like my head was full of constant noise. It felt like if you cut open my head, all you'd see and hear would be the mess of static when your TV goes haywire. I couldn't study and I either couldn't finish assignments, or at worst I couldn't get them started at all. I failed one class and had to take an incomplete in another because things got so messed up for me.

Needless to say, it's been an incredibly frustrating year. Even outside of school, I've felt so much more muddled and distractable. So I ended up deciding to look into this more seriously and got a referral to a new psychiatrist. We're still feeling things out, because she doesn't want to make any final diagnosis too quickly. She prescribed Ritalin to me, only 10mg in the morning and another 5mg in the afternoon, to see if it seems to make a difference in my distractability. I definitely notice that it's making me feel more alert - I usually need coffee throughout the day to feel alert, and in the mornings, I usually need at least an hour after getting out of bed, before I feel like I'm actually 'there', so to peak, and not still halfway entrenched in lalaland. I still feel pretty easily distracted, overall, but from everything I've been reading, that could be because I need a higher dose for it to really make a dent in the noise factor and such.

Okay, I've practically written a novel, so I should probably go ahead and shut up already, haha. But it's just...such a relief to have found these forums. I stumbled on them today while searching around, and proceeded to spend nearly an hour flitting back and forth through various posts that I found. It's like when I first researched ADD; reading through posts here, I keep having "oh my god that is so me" moments. It's so comforting; my parents and friends are fantastically supportive and understanding about all this, but it would still be nice to have a place where I can connect with people who actually struggle with these things themselves, just as I do.

So, hello! I really look forward to exploring this community more, because based on what I've seen just today, it will be so helpful in sorting through and making sense of my life now. Sorry for how long this is, hehe.

[Matt S.]

Welcome to ADDforums Elisa

[auntchris]

welcome to the forums, Elisa.

[Kimalimah]

Hi and welcome! It sounds like you've got a great start. I'm a firm believer in therapy and you've been working really hard with that. It may be that medication is the link that is missing. Know that you have done a great job so far and good luck with the next step.

Kim