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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

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Old 11-16-04, 05:14 PM
at_wits_end at_wits_end is offline

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dealing with anger caused by my ADD fiancee

Hi all,

I'm new to these forums, but have browsed a bit. Long enough to see that some others have experienced, shall we say a *tad* little bit of anger, frustration and the like with our ADD partner. She is aware of her ADD, and is taking meds (adderall) and sees a therapist regularly. She so much wants to "fix it" too, so there is that positive place to start with!

The last few months I have found that my ability to be patient and understanding has mostly evaporated. I should state that everyone I have ever known would describe me as extremely patient and understanding (far in excess of what is average), so this isn't just run of the mill behavior for me. This now means that things that probably aren't *that* big of a deal seem like "here we go again", and the actual important issues pretty much hits me as "i really love her, but do i really want to live with someone who can't do A-Z" and "why the heck can't she just follow through on a mutual agreement for ONCE"? None of which seems to be terribly helpful to the situation, or at least to my morale.

To be clear, I love my fiancee very much and do not want to see our relationship end. I am willing to do just about anything, short of jumping off a cliff, to make our relationship work. So what I'm looking for is, what sorts of things have you done, said, read, heard or whatever that has helped you:

1. Deal with your feelings of anger, which borders on blind rage at times. I'm not a violent man by nature - you have to do something pretty F'd up to get me to "see red". I've "seen red" a couple of times recently. This really disturbs me.

2. Recharge your own batteries to get to a point where you can help yourself cope, let alone help your sweetie to cope.

3. How to get back to the point where you feel like their lover, not their father.

I have done some reading, online and books, and most of what I see boils down to "you just have to ignore/accept/excuse" the ADD, and not expect anything to greatly improve. I can't do this. I am very much a "I can fix it" kind of person, and my inability to do anything except nag her/drive her crazy is making me crazy too.

Any thoughts?

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