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Old 03-12-12, 09:47 AM
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Sharing your mental health problems

Do you ever worry about your partner getting tired of having to deal with your mental health disorders? That they wish that you could just be normal? Maybe even rue the day they met you? or if nothing else that they wished that at least they didn't have to hear about them?

When I met my husband, I had no idea how unstable I was. The depression started later and I've only been suspecting that I might have ADHD for about 2 years. I tried to keep the depression from him. Tried to wear a mask, pretend to be ok. I didn't want to burden him with it and I didn't want him to think less of me. But of course the cracks showed, he started resenting that I wasn't capable of taking more responsibility or contribute more in any way and I found it harder and harder keeping up the pretence of functioning normally.

I've only just started being more open about my mental health and my emotions about 6 months ago (though he's known of course for many years that I'm depressed even though we rarely talked about it). It seemed to help. He seemed more patient and more understanding. He still is but slowly it seems like he's getting a bit bored of hearing about it. I'm just worried that he's growing weary of my constant mental health problems, my incompetence, my weirdness.

I've got a lot going on right now. Too much. Too many changes and not many good ones. On top of it all, I've just started taking anti depressants a few weeks ago and though I don't talk about it all the time, I do tell him how I'm feeling and how the anti depressants (and the other stressors) are affecting me every day. Or rather every time we talk. He doesn't seem to be too keen to talk me every day anymore. Maybe he's just bored of me and my brain.

Sorry, this isn't very coherent. I'm not sure what the point of my post is. Maybe I'm just randomly hurting. Maybe it's the anti depressants making me oversensitive.
I guess, my question is if you worry as well if your partner might get sick of dealing with your mental health problems (apart from all the other problems) and do you share about your mental health disorder? How much? How much is too much?
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Old 03-12-12, 10:14 AM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

I resent the burden my mental health issues place on my partner, he's a trooper and does a very good job of not taking it personally but there's got to be a point where enough is enough surely?

I know he's sick of it, I know it does his head in and I know he keeps himself together as best he can despite the stress it places on him. But I know if I didn't have these issues he wouldn't be stressed over them and it's hard not to feel somehow guilty for that.

As for how much is too much, I think that's an individual thing and it's so hard to gauge people's resiliency on these matters.
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Old 03-12-12, 07:11 PM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

hi Fuzzy im sorry to hear your feeling so low (((huggs))))
i have been in this predicament for a long time, i often feeli like i should just f***off out of everybodies life and that im ruining things for everybody, im a horrible person etc...ive had some very nasty and unpleasant people in my life that have done nothng but kick me when im down...ill discuss this in another post though as this is really about you.

It sounds to me that maybe you are overthinking, your partner would not be with you if he didnt love you and cherish you, he might be shutting down because he just doesnt know how to comfort you, often people re-act in different ways to their loved ones when they are in crisis or in pain some people will be over straight away with hugs and kind words others will pull back, maybe you could try and do something together to get you out of your usual environment, i often find a day out or a change in scenery triggers a really good discussion with my partner it may also be easier to talk about things and mean that he has to pay absolute attention to what you are saying as there arent the usual things i.e chores around the house, phone calls etc to make to avoid the conversatrion.
Your emotions are always valid and he must understand that you are hurting and that even if he doesnt know how to help you just to know that he is there and loves you is all that matters

I hope you can work through this.
Sending you my best wishes florence
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Old 03-13-12, 07:40 AM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

I find that I get easily obsessed when I meet a new person that I like. It makes it virtually impossible to keep a healthy relationship going when this happens. Now I don't know what to do since avoiding new people that I like does not seem like a bright option either. It's also hard to be fun and positive when I am feeling depressed. Seems like a vicious cycle. I want so much to break out of it.
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Old 03-13-12, 03:52 PM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

After living together for 37 years my husband is well aware of the fact that I struggle with depression, anxiety, & ADHD.We don't talk about it much because he really doesn't understand it since he doesn't have any disorders.He knows that I take medication & the effects of different meds. on me.He's happy for me when I find a med that works.
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Old 03-13-12, 03:59 PM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

Fuzzy, how did I miss this?

I wonder if a bit of it isn't over sensitivity as I have recently been accused of that and we are both taking the same medicine right now? Maybe another of those side effects that may go away- who knows.

My hubby seems to space out when I'm trying to explain stuff to him... maybe he's tired? Maybe he is thinking about something else while I ramble? Who knows... but I definitely think he wouldn't still be sticking around if he didn't care.
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Old 03-25-12, 06:41 PM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

Do you tell him everything? My depression is pretty obvious though I'm not very open about it and used to downplay my mood swings hugely. He knows about the ADHD symptoms (though not how bad it really is and how much it's impacting my life and functionality. He doesn't know how little I am capable of doing. I'm too ashamed to tell him).

I've only told him about the anxiety that was caused by my anti depressant. If it's a reaction to stress I don't tell him.

I haven't told him about the eating disorder and the skin picking at all.

I just don't want him to think that I'm too flawed. He struggles to put up with my flaws anyway. I mean, slowly he must be wondering if there is anything that's right with me at all. And sadly, I think the answer is, very little.

I wonder if I'm supposed to tell him in the name of honesty and trust. It's not like he'd leave me (I think). I know, he loves me and all that crap. I just don't think that he likes me very much.
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Old 03-25-12, 06:46 PM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

Fuzzy, regardless of mental health labels, you are just the way you are and your husband is obviously in love with you for who you are.

Never feel bad or guilty for being you. That's why your husband is with you, because he loves you for who you are, not for how you think you should be.

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Old 03-26-12, 10:16 AM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

Aww fuzzy you're not alone in feeling this. I was diagnosed with bipolar 10 years ago and now even still I worry its too much to bear. Combine that with adhd and I'm a picnic to live with! I've found what helped was to ask him directly " is my mental health problems affecting your love and commitment to me? " of course being the good egg that he is he said no but admitted it can be trying. When I have no cycles I'm wonderful but in a high or low I can be a tempest, a maelstrom to contend with. I try and remember that my good traits obviously outweigh the bad ones.

I was married when I was 20 and even now after17 years we are in love like school kids. He still tries to grope me when I'm stirring the pasta! I love him so. but woops sorry for the brief hijak. you'll make it through if you two have love. Have you thought about getting the adhd diagnosed?
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Old 03-26-12, 11:16 AM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

Hang in there love. xxxxxx
I think it is ok to talk to him about it some. It probably helps him understand.

I have been talking to my husband a little about it and show him where others are writing their frustrations like we have.
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Old 03-26-12, 11:56 AM
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Re: Sharing your mental health problems

God yes, i worry about it alot too. I am depressed and ADHD and have anxiety, which i dont treat because xanax and stuff like that just knocks me out so bad. Even on meds i am sure i am no picnic and i often think would they be better off if i just left? If i just suddenly got in the car one day and never came home, im sure they would be sad for a while, but would they eventually get over it and find that their life would be better without me. (I'm not suicidal but this is the way I think when i get that way).

Another thought i have some times is i wish when i graduated college i would have just moved somewhere no one knew me, and found a job, and got me a dog (because dogs seem to be the only living creatures i can trust fully). And NEVER, EVER got involved in any relationships outside of work friends...who i never let in on my personal life. Just to have NO ONE...but i dont know if i could take that....but i think sometimes, i am such a pain and all my friends and family would be better off if they had never known me. If i say this out loud, my husband gets mad and upset so i dont say it.

I know this thinking is not normal and is probably just a product of my depression, which i take meds for but never totally goes away.

I have to give my husband credit for sticking around, really he has no choice as he relies on me for so much but i like to hope its because of love, too. I DO get irritated when i am having a bad day and he is like "Did you take your pill? You need to take your pill." Just like it is a magic cure for everything, and if i am sad or scatterbrained, i MUST have skipped it, because those emotions are not normal." It makes me angry and sad because i know i will NEVER be able to live without this pill or that to be normal.

To me, your feelings are normal and i also worry about such things, you are not alone.
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