I really hate my psychotic outbursts

[fracturedstory]

My inattentive symptoms seem to bring out the big grumpy in me. I don't even talk to people I'm under so much stress.

Ah but the autistic meltdowns, the building up stress over changed routines and unexpected change and people who just don't follow along with the plan, and then the ever worsening sensory issues, make me go all tornado in my bedroom. Swearing and knocking over things. Ah, what relief. Then I'll lay down and not be able to move or speak for maybe an hour, two.

[pechemignonne]

I definitely think that overload is a factor. If I'm overstressed and overtired, I just can't deal with life.

[namazu]

Just wanted to add a couple of links to info on Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED), which also resembles your description, Eeilyk, in case they may be helpful:

From the Mayo Clinic, treatment/management of IED.

From Harvard Mental Health Letter, treating IED.
(Ignore the pop-ups. The article is free.)

[cyonce]

Originally Posted by namazu

Just wanted to add a couple of links to info on Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED), which also resembles your description, Eeilyk, in case they may be helpful:

From the Mayo Clinic, treatment/management of IED.

From Harvard Mental Health Letter, treating IED.
(Ignore the pop-ups. The article is free.)

I find it somewhat hilarious that the acronym is the same as that used for homemade bombs.

Not that either is funny in itself but at times I have definitely felt like I am an Improvised Explosive Device. Unstable, unpredictable and likely to cause nasty collateral damage if I go off.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Improvi...plosive_device

[namazu]

Originally Posted by cyonce

I find it somewhat hilarious that the acronym is the same as that used for homemade bombs.

Not that either is funny in itself but at times I have definitely felt like I am an Improvised Explosive Device. Unstable, unpredictable and likely to cause nasty collateral damage if I go off.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Improvi...plosive_device

Yes, I'd noticed that, too...

[Piper30]

To OP I can relate 100%

Sometimes it's every 2 weeks, sometimes once a month.

Same for me, more often it is monthly..sometimes though it can be more frequent.

I usually take it out on my fiancé because he is the one trying to calm me down, but if anyone else gets in my way they will get it too.

I only take it out on my husband, but he isn't trying to calm me down. He is usually a trigger. I am not around many people ..adhd+Fibro make for an isolated life. Sadly, hubby gets majority of it when it happens.

I don't necessarily hurt people (but i have), but i will hurt myself and smash things around me.

Computer monitor out a two story window, cracked door from top to bottom by throwing chair at it, 42" flat screen tv pulled down from high high stand, stomped on repeatedly, PS3 thrown on ground and put into the shower, picture frames being thrown across rooms, lamps (3 to be exact) broken ..papers town, shoes thrown...whatever is close.

I've been doing this for as long as i can remember, but the other strange thing is that i often barely remember what i've said or what i've done.. My fiancé usually has to tell me the next day and it hurts to hear the horrible things i've said and done.

My most extreme times there have only been 2, I don't remember at all. Others I remember blowing up, but the next five-seven hours are blank. After TV thing at home I was walking down the street in town (30 min away) with a bag from the mall, hurting head to toe soooo confused.

I don't know if it's related to my ADHD, doctors have never really been able to explain it to me, but i hate it so much. One psych suggested that i must have some deep regressed memory that's causing it but i highly doubt it.

For me this is indeed the case. Not regressed memories, just experiences, memories, tramas that I chose not to deal with, instead bottled up thinking I can just get over them...still working on this. One thing my Dr figured out is that I am hyper sensitive to any time of anti depressant..the TV thing happened coming off Cymbalta cold turkey (Dr that did that is ******* idiot) it didn't cause the outburst itself, but it intensified it. I am triggered by things that mean nothing to anyone else ..nothing. Try having a conversation with me while in a room and your standing in the doorway, there are no other doorways or exits...your standing there munching on some chips talking about your day and I explode going nuts for no apparent reason ...somewhere deep in my brain, I felt trapped, I couldn't get out.."trigger" ..so I went off. For me the oddest things can set me off and my husband is at a loss as to understanding it, he has given up I think. It is not just trama that can cause this though, ADHD comes with a bag of anger itself..over stimulation can set me off, if the tv is on, someone is talking, the phone rings, kids are loud..etc etc ..all at the same time I will try to focus, try to block it ...but then it gets the best of me and all that pent up anxiety and stimulation makes for big fireworks show of crazy looking Piper.

I understand why Dr would think it was memory..often those kind of outburts are indeed caused by some type of undealt with trama ..that is very common. But it is also common with those who have ADHD ..and those who suffer from certain illnesses .. AND if you are sensitive to meds or changing meds, angry outburts can be caused and or intensified.

I'm currently tapering down from Lexapro and started on Valdoxan, i have a feeling that this is messing with me a bit, but that wouldn't explain all the other times.

I hope you are tapering slowly ..?

I would love to know how others deal with it.. I don't know if there's much i can do to stop it happening because i go from zero to 100 within seconds, there's no rising anger, it's instant.

Try recognizing any ..the smallest sensation you get before this happens. I know you said in an instant ..maybe ask fiance if he notices anything change right before this happens. For me I am anxious or frustrated I suppose, I know it is coming when ...how to describe this feeling ..I guess the feeling you get when you want to make a fist? The fight or flight feeling, when I start to feel like flight....my explosion is coming. Pdoc said grab a pillow and scream as loud as I can into it, punch the pillow, attack the pillow ..run outside if I have to in order to avoid husband. If husband can help you calm down, let him hold some pillows .. if husband makes it worse make a deal he hides, goes in another room. My pdoc said it is ok for me to go off, but not at anyone or destroy anything. So pillows, (I want a punching bag) the bed etc ..not long ago it happened again and I told hubby "I'm going to lose it" he left, came back in with a couch cushion, and left again. Poor couch cushion ... but nobody was hurt so I guess it is working ..

In my case, pdoc is helping work things out...your not alone, and best suggestion is try really really hard to 1)mark outburst on calender, write detail what was happening that day, right before and meds you were on 2)figuring out if you have triggers 3)when it happens, contain it as much as you can (need fiances help) ..you need emergency blow up plan.

best wishes

I am so lucky to have a fiancé that forgives me over and over no matter what i do to him. <3

You are blessed, don't take him for granted...let him know you appreciate him dealing ..reward him, somehow show you appreciate it. Some are not so lucky to have someone so understanding ...even the most understanding have limits ..so make sure you let him know how much you appreciate him (I am sure you do just saying ..

[ADDarren]

I have become an expert at fixing holes in walls.....I only wish doors were as easy to fix.

I think it's fairly common to get frustrated and snap with adhd..

Regards,

[Fuzzy12]

Sorry, wrong thread

[eeilyk]

Hey guys, i'm overwhelmed at the response to this thread and i just wanted to say a big thank-you to you all! You've provided me with some very interesting information that i'm definitely going to look into further and see if i can relate to any of it and if so, i'll discuss with my doctor further.

I had another outburst this morning.. I ran out of petrol and i blamed my fiance and demanded he come home from his new job to give me the keys to our other car.. I was a complete **** and he didn't deserve any of it. Thankfully i wasn't far from home and i eventually forced myself to walk home and find the spare key to the other car and was only 10 minutes late to work. *le sigh*

[tdsb12]

Well it is great that you are able to admit that you were in the wrong by demanding him to come and pick you up, etc.

Curious, what is the best was for someone to deal with you in those type of situations. Better for them to set boundaries and not give in to unreasonable demands? As someone who dated a girl with these type of outbursts I always tried to "make things better" but I don't think it helped because in the end I felt taken advantage of and a complete lack of appreciation (i.e. not even a simple thank you). I am understanding it a lot better now though.

[GQK III]

Try Abilify. It worked for me.

[kionuin]

I hope someone can direct me somehow/somewhere.

My 15 year old son has aggressive outbursts which seem to occur every four weeks. He and I are both ADHD but only he is medicated with Rubafin. This works really well and he and his teachers have worked to get him back into school full time. He's clever but struggles with his confidence.

Anyway, every month he messes up and its either painful and deliberate verbal abuse of me (mum), texting his dad - unrepeatable!, stealing from his best friend's mum (a lot of money), tagging the local primary school with spray on window putty, or any other number of pretty stupid things. The worst part is though his temper and anger when I have to try to talk to him about his actions. It lasts from ten or fifteen minutes up to six hours or so... He's now bigger than me too and I just wish I could find a way, an answer or something so that he can get qualifications from school and get a job, any job...

Can anyone suggest anything at all?

[Flory]

my rage/anger just changed as i grew older as i child i used to attack my parents, teachers ad peers if i was having a paddy, not a great way to make friends, my mum used to have to drag me into school hitting and kicking her (i feel terrible for it now but i was only a child at the time) >.< i used to throw myself down on the floor with rage sometimes and this carried on past the normal 'terrible toddler phase..in fact until i was 9 ish. its just different now i have a short fuse when im bored if im being asked too many questions when im being messed around when someone is being patronising etc...lately i have been blowing up out of sheer frustration

[EnergizerJen]

Originally Posted by Florence1989

my rage/anger just changed as i grew older as i child i used to attack my parents, teachers ad peers if i was having a paddy, not a great way to make friends, my mum used to have to drag me into school hitting and kicking her (i feel terrible for it now but i was only a child at the time) >.< i used to throw myself down on the floor with rage sometimes and this carried on past the normal 'terrible toddler phase..in fact until i was 9 ish. its just different now i have a short fuse when im bored if im being asked too many questions when im being messed around when someone is being patronising etc...lately i have been blowing up out of sheer frustration

Wow. I could have written all these posts myself. Esp yours florence. I was recently diagnosed and when I read post like this, it makes me tearful. My rage as an adolescent and teenager, and esp as a small child was incredible. I jumped out of my moms moving car once, as she tried to hold me by my hair on the way to school because I was in a fit of rage.

Just last night and this morning, I've had the rage issue again. The tiniest thing sets me off and I lose control. Its the most maddening thing ever. It's like super psycho vampire indestructible rage. Usually followed by the suicidal thoughts and then uncontrollable anxiety and tears. I'm pretty sure I could move a mountain with my rage. It comes on suddenly and leaves almost as suddenly, but the duration is 24-48 hours.
Not too mention, if I calm down from said rage, and the people around me (family/friends) harp on it or can't let it go, then I take the rage on again and its another 24 hours before its gone.

There are a few subjects that cause my rage. (I've nicknamed it red-line, lol, because my heart stops and impulse takes over)
But these subjects must be avoided at all costs. And if I'm forced to deal with them at all, in any manner, there's no stopping it.

[pechemignonne]

I literally have seen red, where my vision goes red and then fades completely and I can't see anything, I think it's because I am so angry my blood pumps like crazy.