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Old 04-15-12, 12:44 AM
Tryn2Understand Tryn2Understand is offline
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I want to understand ADHD

Hello. Ive looked through this forum a couple time while researching for ADHD. I'm here because I NEED HELP. Let me tell you my story and please anyone that understands and can give any advice I appreciate it.

Here it goes:
June of 2010 I met a man. And everything went very fast. Never had a relationship go that quick before. We were dating in a day and he was living with me and my parents in a week. Things were amazing at first we clicked so well. We were a very happy couple. We were a couple that other couples were jealous of. Got engaged in August 2010.I got pregnant in October of 2010, I found out the following month. And we were so happy despite how fast things went bc we both always wanted a child. We moved into our own apartmart in march of 2011 and not too long after we moved out he started loses jobs.

He left his job with family and went for a better money offer which didnt last long. The job realized he didnt have as much experience as he had bragged about and then from that job he was out of work a month. His cousin got cancer. Then job after job. 3 weeks here, 2 weeks there. Being pregnant I was working as much as I could I ended up being 9 months along and working to jobs to try and make up for our losses. And at first I didnt blame him, I thought he just had bad breaks. But with time passing he seemed to be trying less and me being as maternal as I am. I started realizing that I was doing so much. I was working cleaning, cooking, paying bills. And his help was less and less with everything. And then he started getting anger that we did not make love enough and then he got jealous and always thought I was cheating on him. He would check my phone and computer and never found anything and swore he trusted me he just didnt trust men. We had our son in july 2011 and after that is when all this had gotten to such an extreme.

I couldnt cater to him anymore bc I had to care for our son. And then with childcare added on to everything else. It was too hard for me to see what I was getting out of the relationship. Then the man that almost never drank when I met him drank more and more with every lost job and fight. Everything he did started to seem so irrational, always showing up at my work. Fighting with me for speaking with guys just at work or out shopping when he has always flirted with girls not meaning to I know but he always did and it never bothered me at first cause I knew that was a part of him. As the jealousy got worse and bills became more than I could handle. One night when he showed up at my job with our son in the car we had a screaming fight that ended us on christmas eve 2011. New years 2012 he went out to the bar. I stayed home with the baby and slept. January 2012 he went through my phone and saw text messages of between me and a guy. For the record I never cheated on him nor do I think he cheated on me but after our break up I found comfort in someone and he ended up leaving with the baby to another state for a couple weeks. Came back things were great at first but then at that point we had both slept with other ppl and there was anger on both sides for how things had went. The fighting got worse. The baby and I moved out in Feb 2012.

And now we r still broken up he thinks his ADHD is the root of all the bad he does. He is not on proper medication and says he will work on it. But i'm dying inside with how life has went. How everything was so great and went so wrong. And looking back and finally reading up on ADHD I see a lot of similarities in his behaivor with what others say about ADHD. And I dont know if I should hold on or let go. I want to understand how much of ADHD effects ur personality and if it can ever be good again.

Me and him are both single but both have someone of the opposite sex we r spending time with. I know I love him but he says he loves me but I dont see that. I see him hurt me over and over. Our son was diagnosed with cancer just a month ago, and life is so hard right now. And I wish he was there for me now like he should have been the whole time. I am trying not to blame him for what has happened and reading about ADHD a lot of my anger is gone but its been replaced with so much more pain and the feeling that I miss and want him but not this version of him I want the him I saw in the beginning the him I saw the potential for him to turn into. Sigh... I want the guy that was there through the whole pregnancy and labor not the guy that is always asking me for money and trying to hurt me by being spiteful.

Help me please? Can ADHD be this bad?
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Old 04-15-12, 07:44 AM
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Raye Raye is offline
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Re: I want to understand ADHD

First off, so sorry you are going thru this!

Untreated ADD/ADHD can lead to substance abuse problems. I know this from experience. You're in so much emotional pain and chaos in your head it's so over whelming to where it can severley impair your life, thus leading to drinking or drugs as a 'quick fix' to feel better.

Along with the ADHD problems in itself- a new relationship and a new baby comes a tremendously new responsibility. In his mind, the job losses and him not 'maning' up to help you out may be lowering his self esteem even more.

If he truly has ADHD, it sounds like he does need treatment. But he has to WANT it. You can't force him. If he can recognize the fact that it's the ADHD causing the issues, he may be able to recognize he needs help.

Good luck to you and your baby.
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Old 04-15-12, 08:57 AM
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sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
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Re: I want to understand ADHD

He needs treatment and he has to want it. When you say he took the baby do you mean visitation? or just a random 2 week trip?
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Old 04-15-12, 09:03 AM
ILoveChaos ILoveChaos is offline
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Re: I want to understand ADHD

You are experiencing way too many problems to be explained just by ADHD and solved by ADHD treatment. Not that it wouldn't help, but don't try to pigeonhole all of your problems and think that once he takes meds everything will get better.

You guys need to see someone.
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