i always had a feeling... now im 24

[KevinX]

hey all,

i'm 24 years old Syrian-American. i was born and raised in Syria. But also been back and forth to the united states since i was a little kid. now im 24 and Ive been in College for a year.

Since i was a little kid I've been forgetful, disorganized, a procrastinator. a ticking bomb ready to explode. I regret so so so many things i have done in life. As a kid, as a teenager and as an adult.

I just dont know what to say... I've bursted on my poor parents so many times, and they still love me. i wonder if i can ever make it up to them or even get forgiveness from god.

i barely got out of highschool with so many problems, under achievements, skipped days... and i still do. i still skip classes. i still have anxiety.

some days i speak fluently with organized thoughts, but most of the time, i just stutter and envy people with charisma and gifted speech. why cant i be a good talker? why cant i impress girls? i've been out with so many girls but only thanks to my intelligent and charismatic sides when dopamine is working well.

my first real love (not just girlfriends) was hard to let go of. that girl gave me all the confidence in the world, and back then (19) i used to look good and act good when in the right setting. but after the breakup i suffer severe depression and was on Zoloft and Prozac for a few years until i decided to stop.

They didn't do much to me. and the psychiatrist who i went to never diagnosed me with ADD. she thought it was an emotional love things.

I consider myself gifted. I've always been the first to start trends or adopt them, i was the first between everyone i knew to disassemble laptops and any electronics and getting them back piece by piece successfully. im smart but cannot work on real world applications.

i lose interest fast, i get bored, even typing this halfway through i got bored, went on Engadget and then came back to this.

I've been out of school since 19. after my love relationship failed i decided that i dont wanna do anything in life. i just wanna have fun. i got into partying, friends, drugs, alcohol, even selling hasish (impulsiveness and unaccountability) untill i was ratted out and had to pay bribes to get out of jail (welcome to Syria) leeching off my kinda wealthy parents, while they were feeling sorry for me for not pursuing my future like all my 3 other brothers did (2 are business admin's and 1 is an engineer)

i always wanted to get into electronics and my ambitions was to work for Nokia or Apple. but i could not stay consistent academically especially with physics and math.

Now i've finally decided to go to College in California. im doing my AA in Film Production. first semester i really pushed myself to the limit skipping as little classes as i can, and doing the work that i could. i got 1 A and 2 B's. now this semester i started out really strong and even amazed everyone in class with my short films, composition, editing and shooting of the film were exceptional, but after 2 months i lost interest and started falling behind and doing things really last minute. untill my teachers started getting ****** off at me (dont know if for my benefit or theirs since i was the best and could get A's and make them look good) and 1 of them dropped me outta class (after one of my group mates did not do his work and i had to do extra work, then i lost interest) for missing too many classes and so i do not get an F.

I had enough. i had enough of me being lazy, not being able to get up in the morning. being socially awkward and for anxiety attacks when having to be in the spotlight.

so i got counseling at school and will be screened in a month. i hope to be able to get onto ADD meds, Ritalin or adderall or whatever makes me wake up in the morning in a jiffy and focusing on each subject so i can be the next Steven Spielberg. i know i can. just not like this.

did i mention im terrible at managing money and can spend $10,000 a day with no problem or consideration?

i've been so terrible in life especially to my parents and to myself i hope i can get into heaven because i did not choose to be this way.

[EnergizerJen]

Welcome.

Hopefully you get some solid answers soon.

Don't be too hard on yourself, and remember to not be too easy either.

Read the info here, write it down, and put it into practice. Try one new thing a day and then the next two.

Life is rough and your parents will forgive you. If your heart is in the right place then heaven (as anyone sees it) won't be denied.

[BR549]

Welcome to the forums

[Flory]

welcome

[js81pa]

Welcome, this is a tough condition/issue and there are no simple answers IMO. But, you are here trying to educate yourself and be in the company of others that have some similar issues. Good luck with your journey. And try not to compare yourself to others, I do it all of the time but sometimes you need to let go. If you could use your creativeness to do something that could make some money, you might end up being wealthier than everyone, but the trick is finding something, sticking with it and taking a chance (and being able to accept failure if it happens). Tough for us ADDers.

[GetKnockedDown]

Welcome!