Consistently Inconsistent

[Zort]

Ok everyone,
I need some advice. My "normal" wife is at the place of extreme frustration with the joys of ADD and its inconsistencies. Change is hard for anyone but for those of us with a brain who is short circuiting it is more frustrating. I have been trying to make lasting changes to the bad habits (i.e. balancing a checkbook and keeping up with the budget) and will do fine for a while but then I go right back to where I was. I am really sick of feeling like a forty-something child who has to have his wife feel like she has to "take care of me". I understand that inconsistency is common with the disorder but I know that a lot of people who have been able to really turn the corner. I live in a tiny town in the middle of people who do not deal with "mental disorders" well and so counseling for ADD is not available. I do not have time to travel 3 hours for a weekly meeting either, so you guys are it. My only hope.

[silivrentoliel]

The first place I would start, personally, is learning more about ADHD itself, both you and your wife. If you want, there are a few books I would recommend and I can post links to them if you like.

Secondly, and very much still a part of the first recommendation is have your wife learn about ADHD. Have her read the books, ask questions, research, even browse around the forum until she understands what you are having to deal with on a daily basis. I have found the more our NT spouses understand, the less stressful it seems to be for everyone.

Third- what is her take on managing the finances and stuff? Not saying *all* of those of us w/ ADHD can't manage our monies well, but generally we don't. I know I don't. I handed it over to DH enough that I'm not the one having to balance the checkbook and make decisions on what we have vs what we can buy It's a lot nicer for me.