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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #1  
Old 04-30-12, 06:41 AM
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Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)?

Is it possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)?
I'm ADHD and most likely Asperger's and was wondering what my current friendship with a 23-year old BPD male will be like. I was the one who pointed out he has BPD, which he never knew before but now admitted. I have learned so much from him already (he is very good with social interactions and expressing feelings and emotions), so obviously I am still very attached to him at this point.

We have been involved sexually since I knew him a year ago (now told him I only have sex with bf's from now on), and because he recently broke up with his girlfriend, I see him possibly asking me out on a date sometime soon (since I'm very understanding of him, and is currently his best friend). He has had 7 gf's so far, over 12+ sex partners, all his previous best friends had left him before.

Also curious why his remaining good friends are all ADHD?
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Old 04-30-12, 07:15 AM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

ADD and BPD are complementary disorders. Both crave excitement and are impulsive for different reasons. My wife is BPD and I'm ADHD of course. The relationship can work well but you have to set your boundaries in the beginning and stick to them, otherwise you both are going to get over enmeshed in each other.
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Old 04-30-12, 03:59 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

I wouldnt suggest claiming BPD until he has received an official diagnosis. It seems from my reading that it is not as common of a diagnosis for men however, I know for a fact that its not impossible.

I dont think a combination like that means a relationship couldnt work out but, with one person possibley having BPD it shure as hell will make it very difficult.
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Old 04-30-12, 04:35 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

Usually males are diagnosed as ASPD instead of BPD, due to the different ways the bahaviors present themselves in each gender.
After spending 25 years with someone that has BPD and OCPD I wouldn't say it's the easiest relationship to be in for sure.
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Old 04-30-12, 05:55 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

my experience with borderline people is very different from that. then again, i've never been on the receiving end of their inherent ability to idealize relationships.

i have seen a chaotic whirlwind and hailstorm of feelings that involves screaming, raging, threats, and crying. some horrifying self injuries. suicidal threats. sure, there is rapturous joy, and amazing positivity at times, but the lows are in the deepest depths.

i don't mean that to be unreasonably harsh, but it is an extremely challenging disorder. the only sense that i have seen them 'good' with feelings, is you definitely know exactly what the hell they are feeling because of how intense it is for them. and i suppose they seem to understand emotions of others better when they have somewhat of a grip on their own. and they can be incredibly charming. but man, they make my emotional swings look like that of a robot in comparison.

be wary of the abandonment fears.
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Old 04-30-12, 06:08 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

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Originally Posted by add_girl View Post
Is it possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)?
I'm ADHD and most likely Asperger's and was wondering what my current friendship with a 23-year old BPD male will be like. I was the one who pointed out he has BPD, which he never knew before but now admitted. I have learned so much from him already (he is very good with social interactions and expressing feelings and emotions), so obviously I am still very attached to him at this point.
You seem sort of vague about what is happening to you and around you. Professional diagnosis would set to rights what you are dealing with. Why should he do anything to fix himself up, sounds like he isn't complaining.

Take care of yourself first, before you try to take care of anyone else.
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Old 04-30-12, 08:12 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

Take care of yourself first, before you try to take care of anyone else.
---------------------------------------

This is very good advice. It wasn't until I began working on myself and my issues that I even had a chance of my marriage working out.

If you think ADHD people have mood swings "you ain't seen nothing" compared to a BPD person.
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Old 04-30-12, 08:23 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

I was raised by a BPD father and had a serious (to me) relationship with an HPD girl.

These people can be very charirming & charasmatic but ultimately their emotions are shallow and their intentions extremely selfish.

Pass on this one.
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Last edited by Abi; 04-30-12 at 08:42 PM..
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Old 04-30-12, 08:37 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

Thanks for everyone's advice so far. Yes I definitely have been reading and learning a lot about myself lately ever since my ADHD diagnosis, in particular how it applies to my new area of interest which is relationships and dating (believe me, i've learned a lot in the past year thanks to this new 23 year old friend!)

We believe he has BPD as he has the following :
- mood swings every day (lasting hours to days ... sad, angry, etc)
- extremely possessive of people he cares about (gf, friends, best friends, etc), meaning he would call every day asking where you are, what you're doing, while not revealing what he is doing, .... also if you're hanging out with your friends, or dating other guys while not in a committed relationship with him, he gets jealous and extremely upset and gets into another mood swing
- has major trust issues (which gets worse with every girl that cheats on him) .. while this may not be BPD, was wondering if this can get treated?
- always afraid of being abandoned, afraid of people leaving him, always feeling empty (thankfully he is very good at expressing his feelings and emotions)
- only cares about his needs, not others ... even in the bedroom
- unstable relationships (had 7 gf's so far, over 12+ sex partners and many one night stands, all his previous best friends had left him before)
- after the clinger stage, eventually hates everything about the girl
- controlling, manipulative in making people feel sorry for him, etc.
- somewhat difficult childhood, resenting his mother (she is also very controlling, very good at making people do what she wants done)
- had addictions (smoking, alcohol, etc) and suicidal thoughts
- difficulty keeping jobs
- gets upset when you don't do something you said you would do
- attractive and quite productive


Does this look like Borderline Personality Disorder?

I believe the diagnosis is often missed in men, because most men are not as good in expressing their feelings. However, this one is VERY good in expressing feelings/emotions ... I've learned so much from him given my Asperger's symptoms giving me difficulty doing this all my life.

I'm currently in a difficult situation right now ... because he is always afraid of people leaving him, basically i can't even date someone else right now without lying to him (because if i tell him, he'll get into another mood swing). And at the same time, I really care about him, and in some ways do want it to work out between me and him now that he is single again (I knew his relationship wouldn't last more than a year, as with all his previous ones). Thing is, i turned him away once before ... last year before I knew he had BPD along with my inability to receive love ....
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Old 04-30-12, 08:43 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

Never mind the possible personality disorder, this guy was sleeping with you while dating someone else. Does he sound like relationship material?
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Old 04-30-12, 09:23 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

Doesn't sound like BPD to me.

Sounds like Bipolar comorbid with AAD (A$$hole Affective Disorder)
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Old 04-30-12, 10:16 PM
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Re: Possible to be in a happy loving relationship with a BPD (Borderline Personality)

Quote:
Originally Posted by trishcan View Post
Never mind the possible personality disorder, this guy was sleeping with you while dating someone else. Does he sound like relationship material?

Or, if one of your friends came to you and described this exact situation, would you suggest she continue seeing him?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abi View Post
Doesn't sound like BPD to me.

Sounds like Bipolar comorbid with AAD (A$$hole Affective Disorder)
Lucky I was just finishing a cup of coffee, I might have sprayed the computer.
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