OCD or compensation for ADHD/aversion to humans???

[Fuzzy12]

My GP seems to think that I've got OCD and slowly I'm wondering if she might be right. I'm not sure if it's heritable but my dad has OCD and I think so does my brother to a mild extent though he doesn't realise it.

I'm so sorry about the length of this post. I'm really just trying to clear my mind, I guess. I'd be very interested though if anyone can relate or has any inputs.

My "OCD" (or whatever it is has three forms:

1. Repeated checking
2. Intense fear of dirt or things I perceive as dirty
3. Brooding

1. Repeated checking

This could be anything like checking the car is locked, the handbrake is pulled up, if the house door is locked, oven, hair straightener, documents before submitting them, addresses on envelopes, anything.

I'm not sure if it's OCD though. I check things 3-4 times at the most, rarely more often than that. I think, actually it's a habit that I've developed because I'm so used to making little mistakes, overlooking and forgetting things. I just don't trust myself so I double check everything. And because I'm so absent minded and not really aware of what I am doing, I recheck. For example, I lock the door but while doing that my thoughts are somewhere completely else, so a few minutes later, I don't remember doing it. Sometimes, I try to be more aware but even then I doubt my memory since well, it's not the best.

Strangely since I've started taking Sertraline for my depression (but it's also supposed to help with OCD), this has become much better! I still double check at times but very rarely triple check anything

2. Fear of dirt

This point troubles me more and it's getting worse. It just makes me feel very uncomfortable in my skin and sometimes I get this feeling of despair of how I can live in a world that is so filthy.

It's not really dirt in general, but it's human organic matter that freaks me out. You know, excrements, hair, etc. Anything really that belongs to or has been in contact with other humans. I don't even like touching other people anymore, though this never used to be a problem.

Strangely, the closer the person is to me the less it troubles me. For example, I don't mind my own hair or my husband's (though I don't like it, but it doesn't freak me out that badly). My parents, brother and in-laws or kids in general are still ok too, if they are quite young. Anyone else's dirt I can't deal with. I almost lost one of my best friends because I couldn't deal with his nose picking habit.

I never feel disgusted when I'm outside in nature. I don't mind animal poo at all (except for dog poo maybe because they are so close to humans?). I'll happily roll around on fields with sheep ****. Maybe I'm just so happy when I'm walking in the hills that I don't care? No, I don't think so. It just doesn't seem that dirty to me.

I also don't mind extremely sterile things like plastic as long as it hasn't been in contact with other humans.

It's really just human organic matter that troubles me.

It's not that I don't like humans. I do like and think well of most people. But I do have this strange exaggerated need for space. I need a lot of privacy and I can't spend a lot of time with other humans (except for hubby).

I also wonder if it's got to do with my fear of death. I don't deal well with neither with my own mortality nor that of others. Maybe human organic matter reminds me that we all come with an expiry date. Maybe by trying to be extremely sterile I'm looking for a way out of the natural cycle of all living organisms. Maybe that plays a role in my eating disorder as well??

Or maybe I'm just over analysing things???

Insects by the way wall under this category too for me.


3. Obsessive brooding/inability to let go

I never thought that this could be part of OCD but I've done this for years. I struggle hugely with acceptance. I used to spend a lot of time just brooding about the things that troubled me. I just couldn't stop. Strangely since I've started taking Sertraline, this has actually drastically reduced. The brooding played a huge role in my depression of course but now I've pretty much stopped brooding about depressing thoughts. I still feel bad about the same things but I don't obsess about them anymore.

[silivrentoliel]

I don't really know much about OCD, so I really can't answer your question, but I wanted to say I totally agree w/ you about organic human matter vs animal matter. I worked in a vet office for a while, and if I got animal blood, vomit, poo, various other gross stuff on me- it would gross me out a little (mostly coz I don't deal w/ vomit well), but I was ok. I didn't spaz out. HOWEVER, if someone came in w/ a cat and had gotten scratched trying to keep said cat in the carrier and was bleeding, I freaked out. I'd get gloves and super strong disinfectant, and take massive precautions.

Of course, I can catch human diseases... lol. If a cat or dog was sick, chances are I may not get it from contact w/ their bodily fluids. Ya know? Then again... I'm not a huge fan of human beings anyway... that could be a big part of it

[ana futura]

In my own case I think that maybe the aversion to human matter is because I am so messy (And I'm messy because of my ADHD). I spend all day ignoring my own messes, but it's other people's messes that send me over the edge.

In the other thread, where you were talking about your b and b experience, I think I'm a bit like that too. I think it's because I'll often go on mini vacations to get away from my own mess. If the place I'm staying is dirty, it's this huge let down. Nothing makes me happier than staying at a nice, neat, clean inn, because it reminds me of what my life could be like if I were more together.

I do the repeated checking thing all the time, and it's definitely a compensation mechanism for my ADHD.

The one thing I don't do often is ruminate. I try my hardest to avoid rumination, and my "monkey mind" is the one ADHD trait that I have decent control over. This may also have something to do with the avoidant nature of my ADHD- sometimes I think letting a bad thought in here or there might actually be the kick in the pants that I need.

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by ana futura

The one thing I don't do often is ruminate. I try my hardest to avoid rumination, and my "monkey mind" is the one ADHD trait that I have decent control over. This may also have something to do with the avoidant nature of my ADHD- sometimes I think letting a bad thought in here or there might actually be the kick in the pants that I need.

It doesn't matter where the voice originates, in your own mind or from another person... you aren't any more likely to listen to it when it says to "stop being lazy and a **** up." I speak from experience.

[βĩο₱Ħعℓĩᶏ]

Do you ever feel trapped by your compulsion?

That's what I realized for myself, that things I ought to enjoy become burdens. Then I realized that I procrastinated cleaning because of the necessary steps and procedure. Then I noticed I just wouldn't start things because I was afraid to go out of order (and I am an adhder who has opened the door, then put on my shoes, got my keys to unlock the door, and realized I had no pants... remembering to take meds everyday was hit or miss, and when I missed, good god...). But yeah!

[ginniebean]

I too get trapped by my own sense of order. I can't do this until I've done that ad nauseum. It can be the smallest thing, is it ocd? Is it rigidity? I don't know.

[βĩο₱Ħعℓĩᶏ]

Originally Posted by ginniebean

I too get trapped by my own sense of order. I can't do this until I've done that ad nauseum. It can be the smallest thing, is it ocd? Is it rigidity? I don't know.

Good point. For awhile I tossed around is it ADHD? Or am I just lazy? These matters are for an individual to know for themselves. I noticed my feeling trapped after I saw my supervisor, who has severe OCD but is mostly well managed go through an stressful few months where the OCD went uncontrolled. I know for myself what it feels like when I'm just being anal and rigid vs when I feel trapped and suffering -- if I could fix the trapped and suffering by fixing rigid I would! Hell! I've tried! It didn't work

Take home is, when you have some honest concern or awareness that certain behaviors, thoughts, feelings are negatively affecting you, and likely those around you (ask them for feedback, which takes patience to figure out what all the feedback means)... Talk to your psychologist and/or pdoc.

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by βĩο₱Ħعℓĩᶏ

Good point. For awhile I tossed around is it ADHD? Or am I just lazy? These matters are for an individual to know for themselves. I noticed my feeling trapped after I saw my supervisor, who has severe OCD but is mostly well managed go through an stressful few months where the OCD went uncontrolled. I know for myself what it feels like when I'm just being anal and rigid vs when I feel trapped and suffering -- if I could fix the trapped and suffering by fixing rigid I would! Hell! I've tried! It didn't work

I think it is ADHD. It's more specifically a form of anxiety caused by ADHD. Fear of boredom perhaps? Maybe it's just panic knowing that you'll be tied down for a while? I don't know, I chronically procrastinate but I don't consider it procrastination because I even put off the things that I actually want to do.

When I find a way to eliminate my conscious thoughts and really clear my head, I don't seem to have 1/3 of the problem getting tasks knocked out. But then, it only takes a slight external distraction to throw off my mental balance again. If I'm interested in something, then the age old advise of starting it for ten minutes and most likely you'll just finish it holds true. If I'm not interested, then I'll probably never get it done short of going to the moon where no one can bother me!

[βĩο₱Ħعℓĩᶏ]

Originally Posted by Drewbacca

I think it is ADHD. It's more specifically a form of anxiety caused by ADHD. Fear of boredom perhaps? Maybe it's just panic knowing that you'll be tied down for a while? I don't know, I chronically procrastinate but I don't consider it procrastination because I even put off the things that I actually want to do.

When I find a way to eliminate my conscious thoughts and really clear my head, I don't seem to have 1/3 of the problem getting tasks knocked out. But then, it only takes a slight external distraction to throw off my mental balance again. If I'm interested in something, then the age old advise of starting it for ten minutes and most likely you'll just finish it holds true. If I'm not interested, then I'll probably never get it done short of going to the moon where no one can bother me!

I can't say what diagnosis that would fit with Fuzzys post, let alone what Fuzzys experience of the questionable behaviors are or what they mean. I'm not qualified to say ADHD vs OCD vs anything else, and if were there would be no way that I'd offer any opinion as to what diagnosis I think an individual may have, especially not here.


I can say that I do relate to Fuzzy's post and that I have been diagnosed for both ADHD and OCD, my dad, too (with a whole host of other mental illnesses on both sides of the family). Upon telling my non-ADHD sister, she told me that she was diagnosed and borderline needing meds, and sometimes will take them if she knows she is going into a stressful time. I can only speak to my experience and relay portions that may or may not help someone else figure out their self. For me, after I had been on adderall for 3 months I became aware of some behaviors, that yes, were augmented due to getting used to meds, but experientially, it was simply a more intense version of what I normally or routinely did since I could remember. I can say I don't envy any of us whatever the label is slapped on our dysfunctions.