Concerta, ADD, and My Situation (Generally Depressed)

[ADDingItUp]

General info:

Hey everyone, this is my first post and I just wanted to get feedback on this situation im in.

I take concerta 54mg in the morning
and a 10mg Ritalin when I get home from school.


Introduction

I came home from school today frustrated and down, I was adding my life and school up and my mind was telling me to dislike all of it. Part of me thinks its the concerta, part of me thinks I've been generally depressed all my life because of my ADD. (One thing leads to another..)
Whether it be my realization that 'I HAVE ADD', and 'I NEED MEDS', or the actually medication, I feel different. I feel like I am being transformed into an addictive monster who while eventually grow out of control. Im 80% sure concerta is working with me, but 20% is saying "___, this just isn't for me".



Diagnosis/Background of my symptoms

Ever since I felt anything from this med, I keep telling myself how much society sucks and all the kids in my school suck. A year ago I took an IQ given by a psychologist who's specialty is these tests. I took the test because my parents noticed how disorganized and how faulty my memory was. Generally, I would come home, procrastinate, play computer games, look random stuff up, eat dinner, lie and tell my parents I did my homework. The next day I would try to do my homework, but couldn't remember any of the assignment and didn't pay attention in class that day, leading to more procrastination/seeking a new thrill to get my mind of homework. The only classes I really enjoy and have enjoyed in high school are some of my Art classes, and Band which was usually fun for me since I love music of most genres, and playing (and i rarely practiced of course.. I rarely practice anything involving school or something I don't like)

So, we went to this Psychologist, she gave me this test which was quite lengthy (around 6 hours long, which i took in two sittings). I scored superior intelligence with signs of mild ADD. We never acted on any meds until this month (I took the test around a year and a half ago). My parents were hesitant because at this time I was also dealing with a growth issue. I was 5 inches shorter than I am now and stood around 5' in the beginning freshman year, and have always been the small kid and that mentality stuck.




Concerta
I was prescribed Concerta about a month ago. After two visits and a phone call the psych I have reached this dosage. He told me to take 2 18mg's since I didn't feel the effects after the first week. Another week or so went by and I met with him, and I could see something working when on 36mg's, but nothing drastic. (I also experienced annoying dry mouth for a few days) Since the dry mouth went away and there were no terrible side effects, he bumped me to 54mg, and I could see the concerta was wearing off when I got home from school, so he also prescribed a 10mg Ritalin to take as a "homework booster".




Effect on my life/mood (+more background info)

ADD has led me into a slump in school and society. I always feel a bit different than friends and other students. No one understands why I could be doing this poorly in school (around a 3.0gpa, not terrible, but not proficient) when I am a smart guy and tend to show an interest in many things. (I love philosophy/space/science and all that, I would watch NOVA as a little guy religiously) Socially, I tend to laugh a bit too much at some things and have a pretty low self esteem. Even after 'getting with' around a dozen girls, and 2 (one being a bit older than me) I still think of myself lowly and 'different'. I am told I am an attractive kid by adults and some girls, but I am decently short, and tend to have a mentality where my mind will assure myself that I don't look good, not to an extreme extent, but I do spend much time in the morning fixing my hair or getting dressed.



To break it all down..

I AM indeed realizing maybe the popular kids aren't my ideal friends, and I always try 'figuring out' why or how they became or are popular.

I DO realize that I need to get organized for school if I want to hold a decent lifestyle so I can stay away from people I do not want to live or work with.

I DO feel a bit depressed sometimes, NOT suicidal and have never self harmed, but I can get frustrated when alone when I question some of my actions and future.

I WISH I could find some real friends who were just like me I have many aquantances, and a few good friends from other schools nearby, but I feel like most of them are either obsessed with "Getting it in" with girls (who are usually not very attractive, but slutty), or they spend all their money and effort into marijuana (which I do sometimes enjoy smoking but also tends to give me short episodes of anxiety if i smoke too much).

I WANT to get on track with my life and sort out my priorities, so i can be a confident and eventually successful kid who people can look up to.


.

I am aware ADD is only effective with specific parts of my brain, but the way that it effects my education,has generally made me a bit depressed and lacking a strong self esteem and I believe the concerta is not helping these feelings.



Anyone who has ever had their life be affected by finding the right friends, ADD, and or concerta/other ADD meds please respond and share your words. It will be a BIG help, I just want to know that there are people out their who know what it feels like to be a kid growing up in similar shoes to mine, and/or any advice they have to offer me.


Thanks so much