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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #1  
Old 05-16-12, 03:41 PM
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Talking I think DH is finally getting it...

DH and I have been married 8 1/2 years and he's known about me having ADHD for a good 10 or 11 years... for a while, it was cute, then it was quirky, then it was enough to drive him nuts and issue the ultimatum of "fix it or I'm out."

Now that I'm finding a good balance of meds and finally learning about ADHD (after, what, 24 years?! gah) I've been trying to get him to understand how my brain works in situations in hopes that he'll understand what I live with a little better.

Case in point, when I broke my toes, he berrated me for running into the laundry room barefoot... well, I wasn't thinking "slippery floor"- I was thinking "PROBLEM! FIX IT!" Hence my broken toes, lol.

I almost fell over the other day when he suggested starting an "after work routine" for me so I can get into a better routine of cleaning the house. He hates my routines, hates my lists, hates my coping techniques... I was blown away that he suggested it. So we're trying it. We're starting with one thing after work (dishes) and once that becomes routine, add something else.

For me, the fact that he is understanding what works for me and helping me is more amazing than I can explain with words. I'm still feeling mentally disabled for having such simple coping techniques, and before you say it, I know with having ADHD it means I have a developmental ("mental") disability, but I feel just dumb... simple... stupid... I guess all the names I've been called growing up... But that's another issue for another day.
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  #2  
Old 05-16-12, 04:32 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

Cool, I don't know if it's men or if it's NTers.....but the help your DH is proposing is flat out remarkable to me .....


My ex divorced me within about 6 months, ( may have been faster I forget exactly) of finding out I had ADHD .....for better, for worse, but not for ADHD .....and he had known me since I was about 12.....( we married when I was 42 and he was 50, after living together for 8 years, and the marriage lasted for mot quite 5 years....) ...


So it's not like he didn't know me pretty well ....


I think some people just cannot handle people who have ADHD .....
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Old 05-16-12, 05:15 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

ahh screw em wa smile
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Old 05-16-12, 06:07 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

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Originally Posted by salleh View Post
Cool, I don't know if it's men or if it's NTers.....but the help your DH is proposing is flat out remarkable to me .....
Isn't it though?! Blown away, I am. (speak like Yoday I do .... sorry lol)

He has an LD of his own, and is becoming a lot more self aware as I become more self aware... and I think he is noticing the immense amount of thought and energy I am putting into learning and making life easier for HIM (because I know I am hard to live with- fact, not "oh-poor-me"), so he is willing to step up and work with me as well.

We start "counseling" next week w/ a psychologist who specializes in ADHD, anxiety, and depression... so I am hoping for positive results.

I'm still baffled to his suggestion, lol.
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Old 05-16-12, 06:12 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

This is really great news. He's trying.
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Old 05-16-12, 06:16 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
This is really great news. He's trying.
I KNOW it's so exciting to me! I honestly never thought he would.
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Old 05-16-12, 06:23 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

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Originally Posted by silivrentoliel View Post
I KNOW it's so exciting to me! I honestly never thought he would.
It's so hard for people "to get" what they can't see visually. I think that's why many don't understand ADD.

He seems like a really good guy. I'm happy for you.
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Old 05-16-12, 07:44 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
It's so hard for people "to get" what they can't see visually. I think that's why many don't understand ADD.

He seems like a really good guy. I'm happy for you.
He is, I am lucky.
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Old 05-16-12, 09:26 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

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He is, I am lucky.
S to the I to the L to the I to the V to the R to the E to the N to the T to the O to the L to the I to the E to the L!
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Old 05-16-12, 10:23 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

Yeah if he aint trying hes probably trying her patience.LOL
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Old 05-17-12, 06:33 PM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

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Originally Posted by Rebelyell View Post
Yeah if he aint trying hes probably trying her patience.LOL

LOL he does that anyway

We actually had a pretty good talk last night... I finally got off my mind what's been stressing me out for a long time, and he's decided he wants to be evaluated for mental stuff as well... he's finally accepting we are a couple of nuts It was a hard talk, but it needed to happen. We'll see where we go from here.

What amused me was after work today, I had to go to the doctor for my broken toes (and I got to see my xray, I did a damn good job breaking them! lol) and when we came home, he looked at me and grinned like a goon and said "You're off the hook for dishes today.... but don't forget them tomorrow!" ... I had already forgotten. I know it takes more than a few days for a routine to be set into place, but I'm glad he smiles about it now.
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Old 05-18-12, 08:00 AM
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Re: I think DH is finally getting it...

Siliv-

How'd I miss this post?

anyways... even though a bit belated, I'm so happy your DH is willing to help himself and you. Hope it all works out!
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