Socializing - I don't get it

[syrella]

I tend to just shush up when anxious. I have gone motormouth mode a few times and I've usually regret doing that because I tend to say really weird and dumb things. I think it's better to say less sometimes and have people wonder than to drive people away by weirdness. That's just me and how I cope, though...

[kuhan1923]

Originally Posted by ginniebean

Many people become increasingly anxious when there are long pauses in the conversation. In order to avoid the anxiety they fill the space with more idle chatter.

Qft.

Even i do this when im walking with a girl to avoid that "awkward" feeling. It takes sooooo much damn energy tho :/ I wish people would just be okay with walking and not chatting at all sometimes.

[Ipsofacto]

I have trouble with the boring topics of conversation at social events. I'm not interested in pick up trucks, fishing, hunting, football, nascar, baseball etc. As 90% of conversation is about these topics, it's impossible to join in.

[gaucho15]

OMG, I thought I was just socially awkward and shy. I can be talkative and I like intense conversation, which is probably why it's so hard for me to make friends.

[Flory]

blurting things out and being innapropriate can get me in some sticky situations...guys think im coming on to them when im hyper and start trying to make moves on me an im like wooaaahhhh hold on a damn second im just really bubbly...i have to try and keep friends that understand my affliction

[fracturedstory]

I don't really like being around people unless I'm medicated or during a very short window where I actually give a damn. I get bored pretty quickly and boredom turns into either anger or fantasizing.

It's not that the topics are boring but some are just hard to relate to. I always try to slide in a few topics that I know a lot about and I'll be fine to just be quiet the rest of the time.

I find it hard to relate to any humans anyway, even the weird ones like me.

[quark]

Originally Posted by Driver

Dopamine. Sharing experiences and connecting with people is stimulating and rewarding.

This can be true, but often I find the activation energy to go and join a conversation to be insurmountable.

[Ragnar]

There was a time when my ego was weak and I longed for social interaction and connection, but only for the sake of others' approval and the temporary fulfillment of my socially-programmed need for acceptance.

I eventually became self-aware enough to notice this pattern and, as a result, I over-compensated. I spent the next few years systematically 'rewiring' myself to be emotionally and mentally self-sufficient. As an unintentional side-effect, I started to spend less and less time with people and eventually found that I had completely isolated myself. I had reached my goal of being completely indifferent to and unaffected by others.

After about a year of this behavior, I began to find myself longing for social interaction once again. However, this time was different. Before, I needed the interaction to maintain my self-esteem. Now, I wanted the interaction purely for its own sake.

Social interaction is so much more rewarding when you have disconnected it from your self-esteem and psychological well-being. You will find yourself being fully accepting and completely understanding of other people, and they will notice it. It's an amazing thing to hear people truly communicating with you when they realize that there are no pretenses.

[sbcy]

Originally Posted by Ragnar

There was a time when my ego was weak and I longed for social interaction and connection, but only for the sake of others' approval and the temporary fulfillment of my socially-programmed need for acceptance.

I eventually became self-aware enough to notice this pattern and, as a result, I over-compensated. I spent the next few years systematically 'rewiring' myself to be emotionally and mentally self-sufficient. As an unintentional side-effect, I started to spend less and less time with people and eventually found that I had completely isolated myself. I had reached my goal of being completely indifferent to and unaffected by others.

After about a year of this behavior, I began to find myself longing for social interaction once again. However, this time was different. Before, I needed the interaction to maintain my self-esteem. Now, I wanted the interaction purely for its own sake.

Social interaction is so much more rewarding when you have disconnected it from your self-esteem and psychological well-being. You will find yourself being fully accepting and completely understanding of other people, and they will notice it. It's an amazing thing to hear people truly communicating with you when they realize that there are no pretenses.

Interesting, good advice.

[MikhailTal]

I don't get it either. However, I'm just getting myself together after suffering from social anxiety for a few years, which I developed in high school. I'm now at the point where I feel much less anxiety towards people than I did before, I often just don't have interest in other people, or the need to share things. I feel like a blank sheet of paper, with nothing on my mind or nothing happening in my life that's worth sharing, simply because I'm very inactive. I often don't read the news for days.

When I've had some alcohol, my ability to enjoy socializing dramatically improves. When I'm getting more and more drunk, I gruadually become someone else and I can ask someone something like "how was your day" with sincere interest, but when I'm sober I have to push the words out of my lungs like I'm carrying bricks while climbing a ladder.

Then there are the practical problems caused by ADD-I that hinder my ability to socialize, of course it's harder for me to speak clearly and express what I feel because of concentration and working memory problems.

This all wouldn't be a problem when I'd be content with being alone a lot, but I'm not. I feel like a social person who feels lonely quickly without the means to be social.