Alrighty, so yeah, I'm kind of tired of this adhd thing

[EnergizerJen]

Ever have days when you're all too aware of your ahdh, your life and the vicious cycle your in?

I HATE HATE HATE more than anything to realize (of course it's AFTER a ridiculous psychotic outburst) that my adhd is kicking in hard and I'm in the "uphill climb" of the loop that is adhd. Not the "downhill" I"m making progess, two areas of my house are clean and I managed to NOT in
sult/offend a family member or friend; but the holy smokes, I just cursed out a nun, tracked dog poop across the carpet, and totally lost track of time and now I'm late and ticked off uphill trudge that is totally ice and I'm wearing a sled for shoes kind of moment.

The heart wrenching gasp of the all too familiar realization that while your adhd has this not so pleasant way of tricking you that you are in a NT and in a blissful manageable dream that allows you to forget for just awhile that you're psychologically handicapped and eventually going to swing into sh** quicker than a hobo after a sandwich, you frolic about as if your NT and your life is totally in control and you're "gonna make it".

Only to take an airplane filled with rocket fuel back to earth to your adhd and get slammed with the all true reality that you're a mess, been a mess, and was a mess, even through your blissfully unaware state previously mentioned. Actually your untimely state of euphoria and unawareness is probably to blame for the horrible incline you're on now.

It's late. I'm tired. Just had a huge day swallowing my fears and mistakes.

This post didn't even probably make sense, but I needed to type it, and I needed the satisfation before I fall asleep that someone will read it, and maybe, just maybe, understand and be empathetic.

Good night fellow adhd'ers.

I don't know how you/we do it.

I really dang don't.

[ana futura]

I don't know how to help you with the nuns, but you might want to look into some hardwood flooring.

I'm only half joking- I do manage my ADHD by doing things like only renting apartments with hardwood floors. I know that I can't handle keeping carpets clean. I think a drink is spilled in my house on a daily basis.

Recognizing and learning to work with my nature is the only thing that will get me through this life successfully.

[EnergizerJen]

I think I'm still in the accepting and understand stage of adhd.

The "its been under a year, you tell me I got adhd, and so WTF am I supposed to do now"stage.

Is that a stage?

I think it is.

[silivrentoliel]

The dog poo in the carpet comes up well with shampoo if you don't have carpet cleaner ^_^ That's a problem I am, sadly, too familiar with.

Other than that, I empathize... I know how days like that go. I've had a week like that.

[fracturedstory]

I disagree. I don't actually think I'm NT. Maybe that's why I don't often have one of these moments. Yes, it's frustrating and lately it has been kicking my a** but it at least keeps me on my toes.

Everyone thinks I'm this super fit super healthy super intelligent calm person but the truth is I just do those things so when I do mess up it's hardly noticed (and so I can avoided messing up as much as possible). Until I have a meltdown and begin gripping my head like it's about to explode. Then they worry.

Doctor's don't help me manage my ADHD. I have to do it myself. Start with healthier living, exercise and planning your day. ADHD will always be there but with a plan in place (which you will have to constantly remind yourself to go back to) you can accomplish some things and not feel like such a failure.

[ana futura]

Originally Posted by EnergizerJen

I think I'm still in the accepting and understand stage of adhd.

The "its been under a year, you tell me I got adhd, and so WTF am I supposed to do now"stage.

Is that a stage?

I think it is.

I'm in that stage too. There were parts of my ADHD that I recognized and tried to manage long before my diagnosis- I have had an aversion to carpeting for my entire adult life, I have avoided office jobs like the plague, and I have sought out friends who share my unique sense of humor.

I have been attempting to "manage" this my entire life. Now that I know exactly what's going on, I've been looking back over my life, and assessing what "management strategies" have worked for me, and what haven't.

We're the same people now that we've always been. Diagnosis presents us with an opportunity to develop a better understanding of ourselves. This new understanding can enable us to learn how to better manage the crap that we've been struggling with our entire lives.

Or it can send us into a tailspin and make things seem worse than ever.

I'm trying so hard to use my diagnosis to build a new life for myself, but lordy is it difficult.

[EnergizerJen]

You all are so wonderful.
After a good nights sleep and a cup of coffee (and my meds, lol) I am doing better.

I think before I was diagnosed it was easier. Easier in the respect that I only had 1 problem at a time and I dealt with it accordingly. (that's not true, but you kinda understand) and now there's a word for what I am and most of my problems (whether I recognized them or not) fall under the category (adhd).

Before I thought EVERYONE suffered the way I did and just dealt with it. But now I know that's not true. Most people do not struggle day to day as much as some of us.

I don't know why it makes a difference, other than the fact that now I can easily identify the cycle and symptoms. And strangely enough, although I can identify them, sometimes there's no magic fix to them. I just have to manage them better. It does get easier. I'm doing a lot better than 3-4 months ago. The next 6 months may even get better than that.

It's just that small window of time where you want to stomp your feet and roll on the floor like a child until your mom comes in and fixes it. And it is literally exactly like that, my adhd handicaps me to about age 8-11. and I really do expect someone to swoop in and save me.
I know that's not realistic, but it doesn't change the reality of it.

I just wish my adhd was a hat. I'd like to take it off, throw it in the washing machine and clean it up a bit. I know it won't make it brand new, but a heck of a lot better than what it looked like before it came off my head. lol

I'm a nut. I know it.

But literally, after I typed that post last night, I got it off my chest, took my meds and went to bed. Slept straight 7 hours without moving and got up and made an effort to have a good day.

I tried typing it on my computer, like in microsoft word or what not, but it's not the same as publishing it for the world (or anyone) to see.

It's like, "Look, I know this is going to sound crazy, BUT ... blah blah blah blah".

and it DID sound crazy, out of the blue, didn't make sense and totally was off topic, but boy oh boy, did it make me breathe easier.