Worried about Adderall addiction

[VodkaOnTheRocks]

Little background, I've been drinking since last summer...probably able to be labeled an alcoholic since last November/December. I'm probably drunk now, I'm not sure. I had several drinks but I also had adderall this afternoon.

I have an addictive personality. Not much makes me happy, but when it does (video games/alcohol/love) I tend to dive into it head first. Played Halo 3 non-stop for like seven months, obviously I've been drinking for about a year, and when I fall in love I want nothing more but to make my lil lady happy. Single now. About three months out from breaking up with a fiance. Still workin' through that.

Started (illegally) taking adderall about a month ago. Not to get high, but because I truly believe I have ADD. The first time I took it I accidentally DID get high. I took 60 mgs (two XR's). Took one and I didn't feel anything for 45 minutes so I took another and as you can expect, about an hour later I was in euphoria land. Wrote 47 pages of lyrics in about four hours and thought I finally figured life out. Then I crashed and stayed up for two days. Realized I took too much.

Been cutting down my dose about 15 mgs every time since then. Took 5-7 mgs today (I don't know for sure because I divide up the little balls in the XRs and estimate it). Had a state change but wasn't able to accomplish anything. Was very disappointing.

There's usually 2-4 days between me taking add meds but eventually I'm going to bite the bullet and go to a doctor. I'm certain they're going to affirm my belief that I'm ADD and prescribe me meds.

My only problem is that although I get things done when I'm on a higher dose of adderall, I feel like a zombie. I already have sub-par social skills but when the adderall kicks in I don't care if I talk to ANYONE.

I'm worried that if I'm put on a regular amphetamine dose that I'll get addicted in the same way that I am alcohol.

To anyone with ADD, if it "fixes you", do you not care that you NEED it to be "normal"? Or are your meds a mixed blessing in that they help with some things in your life but sabotage others?

[BillDoolin]

(Quoted from Vodkaontherocks):
"Little background, I've been drinking since last summer...probably able to be labeled an alcoholic since last November/December. I'm probably drunk now, I'm not sure. I had several drinks but I also had adderall this afternoon."

First off, have you attempted abstinence from alcohol... before taking adderall??? During adderall??? I ask due to the fact that stimulant medication for certain individuals with adhd tend to play a large role in reducing or even the complete cessation of self medication. I would fit in this category. I don't even entertain the notion of using anymore because I've realized all my desperate attempts at self medicating myself may have played a role to some degree role in "particular" symptoms of my adhd in some form or fashion but mostly just masked the majority of them. More so, because my addictive personality is on the side of extreme (iv user) and always ended up the same, complete destruction in every aspect of my life.
For some reason many people with adhd can easily manage their stimulant medications because it usually just doesn't have the same effect on us as non adder's. It really is amazing to me that I can manage an "addictive" stimulant medication with no urge whatsoever to get high on it, when virtually any other even slightly addictive medication IS impossible for me to control use. Although this isn't true for everyone, I know quite a few individuals with adhd/addiction and cut their meds due to the fact that they realize for them it may be a catalyst to a relapse with other substances.
Everyone is different so if you feel an urge to redose after a normal dose, then you should be very concerned about this. There should be no urge to redose, and doing so will rapidly deminish benefits and skyrocket tolorance which can be a problem for some adder's already.

(Quoted from Vodkaontherocks):
"I have an addictive personality. Not much makes me happy, but when it does (video games/alcohol/love) I tend to dive into it head first. Played Halo 3 non-stop for like seven months, obviously I've been drinking for about a year, and when I fall in love I want nothing more but to make my lil lady happy. Single now. About three months out from breaking up with a fiance. Still workin' through that."

Haha wow this really sounds exactly like me! Whenever I discover something new in life, something that really blows up my skirt lol, I get so immersed in whatever it is, that its all I think about or do when I have any leisure time. I will get caught up for usually around 4-6 months then I discover a new love and forget about the last one, the one I was positive that it was going to be a life long endeavor.

(Quoted from Vodkaontherocks):
"Started (illegally) taking adderall about a month ago. Not to get high, but because I truly believe I have ADD. The first time I took it I accidentally DID get high. I took 60 mgs (two XR's). Took one and I didn't feel anything for 45 minutes so I took another and as you can expect, about an hour later I was in euphoria land. Wrote 47 pages of lyrics in about four hours and thought I finally figured life out. Then I crashed and stayed up for two days. Realized I took too much.

Been cutting down my dose about 15 mgs every time since then. Took 5-7 mgs today (I don't know for sure because I divide up the little balls in the XRs and estimate it). Had a state change but wasn't able to accomplish anything. Was very disappointing.

There's usually 2-4 days between me taking add meds but eventually I'm going to bite the bullet and go to a doctor. I'm certain they're going to affirm my belief that I'm ADD and prescribe me meds."

Yes do this asap. And don't hesitate to tell your new doctor about your addictive behaviors, potentially adhd that fuels alcoholism, and the fact that you have taken adderall with positive results. This is really important for the doc to have as much information about you as possible allowing him/her to give you a correct diagnosis and don't be afraid to disclose this because it often very common in adder's.
I've seen my doc for around a year 1/2, clean from a drastic 10 year addiction to iv heroin, iv meth for three years, iv coke for 1 year, smoking pot for 12 years, etc. you've heard the story, and for some reason he senses my sincerity and was willing to prescribe a meth addict desoxyn (he made it clear that he's doing this at the risk of losing his license but that he wouldn't to it if he didn't trust me, a doc who's practiced since 1969 and only prescribed desoxyn one other time) at my request, even in light of an appt. the month earlier when I finally went to him for suboxone for help with my most recent relapse on heroin (my last one for good). My point is a good psych will not withhold proper treatment for the proper individual.

(Quoted from Vodkaontherocks):
"My only problem is that although I get things done when I'm on a higher dose of adderall, I feel like a zombie. I already have sub-par social skills but when the adderall kicks in I don't care if I talk to ANYONE."

You may find that a different medication works better than adderall, they just need to be given a trial to see which one works best. A person kinda has to take a kid in a candy store approach and just try all of em to find the right one for you... hopefully there is one!

(Quoted from Vodkaontherocks):
"I'm worried that if I'm put on a regular amphetamine dose that I'll get addicted in the same way that I am alcohol."

Like I said, if you feel a pull towards redosing, find that you cant stop thinking about that stupid prescription bottle, that you constantly have the thought to take "just one more", then I would stop immediately. IF, you do have an addict brain and its stronger than the adhd, then it's most likely going to end up in disaster.
It's just that to me, it seems like there very well could be something there that does drive you to take more because I feel that you wouldn't be asking if you didn't. Although I do remember this one time I was wrong...

(Quoted from VodkaOnTheRocks):
"To anyone with ADD, if it "fixes you", do you not care that you NEED it to be "normal"? Or are your meds a mixed blessing in that they help with some things in your life but sabotage others?"

I don't care that I have to take something to be normal. As long as it doesn't carry detrimental consequences (addiction) or unhealthy serious side effects. Actually, I feel very blessed that I was able to pinpoint what behaviors are ruining my life (step1) and that I found a medication that works (step 2) so graciously and treats me with such respect its like the good Lord invented it for me and the first correct dose I took, I broke down and wept with joy, knowing that I have found such complete relief. Its weird knowing that the same drug in a different form treated me with total contempt, and violent indifference, raping me and smiling in my face while doing it.
As far as meds being a mixed blessing, this depends on the person. Although for me I can say the medications have done nothing but help change my life drastically for the better, considering minor side effects. Ultimately it comes down to determining that the benefits outweigh the negative side effects. Hope that helps a bit friend

[sarahsweets]

In order to properly gauage how stimulants affect your adhd symptoms(if you do have adhd) you must take the medication(legally) without any other substances in your body. You taking adderall while having alcohol leads me to believe that its more about counteracting the alcohol then treating any symptoms. You need some sort of addiction help, probably detox because consistent binge drinking for a year could lead to some severe withdrawl symptoms like seizures. You need to get to the root of why you drink, or abuse adderall, Addiction in my opinion is the disease and alcohol,sex,adderall etc are the ways in which the disease manifests itself. If you dont treat the disease, the symptoms will just manifest themselves in some other addiction. Taking medication that has not been presscribed to you is not only illegal but dangerous because there is no doctor supervising the dosage or titration. I'm not hear to judge you or the ways in which youve aquired adderall, but I am hear to say that you will not get better by drinking heavily and administering adderall yourself.

[VodkaOnTheRocks]

Thanks guys.

I'm actually probably pretty lucky that I lived that night. The adderall kept me conscious past what's probably the legal limit. Then I downed a bunch of benadryl to sleep. Thank god for my alcohol tolerance.

To the first poster, you gave me hope because I by no means take adderall for the high. In fact I kept scaling back my dosage because I was trying to get the effects without all the cloudiness.

If I can get the motivation/focus I get from adderall xr without all the side effects I'll have no need to drink for pleasure. I'll get my pleasure from actually accomplishing things and moving forward with life.

And now that I think about it, I'm almost sure alcohol made all of my ADD symptoms worse. I'm far more spacey than I used to be.

I ran out of alcohol and have no intention of buying more until I can start an ADD med program. I called the doctor this afternoon. They wanted me to wait until July 30th but when I told them I'm fairly certain I have ADD, have been self-medicating with alcohol, and that my body's taking one hell of a beating - they pushed it up to next Wednesday.

So I decided I'm going to be sober until then, not take any more of my illegal adderall, and try to fall asleep naturally without the bendaryl. The benadryl was probably more placebo than anything. I took 8 of those once and nothing happened.

I don't think I'll have much of a problem. Really I drank to escape boredom/if I had a good day I use it to celebrate on top. It's those celebrations that usually turn into 2/3/4 week binges. Tonight'll be my first night sober since the end of May.

I guess I'm excited for next week, but already the withdrawal from everything started today. Almost passed out at work. I forgot to eat yesterday, and I think that's why. Been downing water and salads all day.

Hoping a proper ADD med will kill my depressive/anxiety emotions and help me accomplish tasks. Adderall XR did that to a point, then it just made me feel like **** after a few hours (but still had some of the motivation).

We'll see. Rambling now.

Thanks again for the input guys.

As for detox, I'm not sure I'll need it. I definitely drank heavy, but I don't think it was bum-in-the-street drinking 24/7. There were times I'd drink during the day, but mostly it was at night - and for the most part I knew my limit. I'm not too worried about seizures. More so insomnia. My brain's used to sleeping with booze in the system. I remember my last longest break (lasted 13 days after my fiance and I broke up) I was up 'till dawn every night no matter how tired I was.

[VodkaOnTheRocks]

An update.

First night sober is awful. I remembered this from the last time. The first 3-4 days are just horrid. I'm actually depressed (don't normally like to use that word), incredibly lonely, dwelling on my ex-fiance (she's bipolar so hit a manic cycle, shut me out, and has ignored me since April), feeling trapped and hopeless.

And of course I'm trying to accomplish things and bouncing between one thing and the other all night long.

This is rough. Can't believe how much worse the alcohol made my symptoms.

Wish I could just fall asleep.

[Joker_Girl]

I agree its important to try the ADD med when you are not under the influence of any other substance so you can gauge how it works and how much of it you need.

It is funny how they all work different on every one.

I know one thing. I dont drink very often, but if i am going to, I dont take my ADHD med. Because i will drink more than i should and not even realize it, because i dont FEEL drunk.

[ariwara]

Originally Posted by BillDoolin

(Quoted from Vodkaontherocks):
(Quoted from Vodkaontherocks):
"My only problem is that although I get things done when I'm on a higher dose of adderall, I feel like a zombie. I already have sub-par social skills but when the adderall kicks in I don't care if I talk to ANYONE."

You may find that a different medication works better than adderall, they just need to be given a trial to see which one works best. A person kinda has to take a kid in a candy store approach and just try all of em to find the right one for you... hopefully there is one!

Interesting. I might be the only one, but despite my ADD, I've discovered that I enjoy being introverted and hyperfocused. I feel most calm, content, and fulfilled when I can just be silent and do some deep thinking (perhaps on a challenging problem) for a while. Of course, this happens best when I'm on meds.

Also, I tooootally understand the motivation to find a medication that allows you to focus without feeling disinterested in talking to people. I guess it's still novel to me (after 3 years on meds) to be able to "turn off" the social part of my brain.

tl;dr I sometimes feel balanced and fulfilled when the meds filter out the noise and reduce my interest in talking to people. But that's just me.

[CheekyMonkey]

I'm glad you are deciding to take on this problem! You rock!

If you get bored or need some support, come here and we shall entertain you!

[VodkaOnTheRocks]

Alright, new question.

What are the chances that I'm confusing alcoholism symptoms with ADD? Would my doctor be able to tell the difference? What if all my spacing out/lack of focus/drive from a year of binge drinking?

Then I'd be putting an amphetamine in my brain for something that might have cleared itself up from just going sober.

Is it a possibility that even though the add meds helped me focus that it was just a natural reaction for anyone who takes them?

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by VodkaOnTheRocks

Alright, new question.

What are the chances that I'm confusing alcoholism symptoms with ADD? Would my doctor be able to tell the difference? What if all my spacing out/lack of focus/drive from a year of binge drinking?

Then I'd be putting an amphetamine in my brain for something that might have cleared itself up from just going sober.

Is it a possibility that even though the add meds helped me focus that it was just a natural reaction for anyone who takes them?

I would get a note book and start writing about issues that you've experienced since childhood and through to now. It will give you a "bigger picture" of the problems you've had and help you determine the probable cause of the subsequent behaviors.

[BillDoolin]

Yes now you're thinking on the right track Vodka. And that is what getting sober is all about bro... CHANGING YOU'RE THINKING. From unhealthy destructive thinking, to healthy positive uplifting thinking.

Why do we drink or use drugs??? To feel better!!! So now i'm feelin kinda bad, so on one hand our sick thinking will tell us: "wow, I don't feel good, I need to go get drunk to feel better". Opposed to the other, healthy thinking: "wow, I don't feel good, I need to get something to eat, get some sleep, or maybe even go to the doctor." Its a really simple concept on paper, but when it comes down to actually doing it, many afflicted by this terrible disease will continue self destructive thinking/behavior till death.

So Change your thinking from... "I have to get sober" to "I get to become sober" and you'll have an upperhand advantage in this sobriety thing. If I could recommend a book by Terrence T. Gorski called Staying Sober. Because really its the staying sober thats the hard part, getting sober is the easy part.

And remember this, every addict/alcoholics dream is to be able to control the use of their drugs/alcohol... we don't ever want to admit that the thing that promises us so much pleasure in life will ALWAYS carry with it so much destruction in equal proportion. Hang in there broski, it'll get better, then it'll get worse, then it'll get better, and it'll seem like that up and down rollercoaster of emotions is gonna go on forever, but it flattens out after a while.

[gatorADDe]

Originally Posted by VodkaOnTheRocks

To anyone with ADD, if it "fixes you", do you not care that you NEED it to be "normal"? Or are your meds a mixed blessing in that they help with some things in your life but sabotage others?

I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and have tried almost every med out there and for me there really hasn't been a "miracle pill" because I always deal with this question. I certainly believe that the meds sabotage parts of my life, but sometimes there's a benefit to taking it that outweighs the cost. The areas they sabotage for me are my relationships (I'm selfishly working all the time), health (high bp and poor diet), social skills (hyperfocus and anxiety side effects), and enjoyment in life (anhedonia from depleting dopamine levels as the meds wear off). But, they really do help me in school which is why I'm taking them at the moment.

Doctors claim they aren't addictive, but for people with addictive personalities they very well can be. Hell, caffeine is addicting and causes withdrawal so certainly an amphetamine can be. I'm not trying to sound anti-medication, because I'm not at all. Adderall is an amazing drug/medication, whatever you wanna call it. The boost in dopamine you get makes you feel amazing, confident, productive, and like all is good in the world...then it wears off and makes you feel depressed, tired, apathetic, anxious, etc. This doesn't happen to everyone, but it seems pretty common.

I'm not trying to convince you to not seek treatment, I think that's a great idea. Getting proper treatment can help you not crave alcohol as much. But, I too have a bit of a love affair with alcohol, and the amphetamine comedowns just made me wanna drink myself to sleep every night. There's obviously a perceived benefit with adderall. If it makes you feel great and productive, who wouldn't want that?! Whether you have ADHD or not they'll most likely give you a buzz. But with amphetamines I felt like It was about chasing a feeling rather than truly treating issues with concentration.

Sorry for rambling but amphetamines could be a slippery slope. Good luck!

[VodkaOnTheRocks]

Oh, I definitely have a thinking problem - not so much a drinking problem, I'm good at that. I always have these romanticized visions about alcohol...crystal clear glasses in Russia. Having a pint with an Irishman. Sharing a Keiths with a Canadian in Nova Scotia. When in reality I'm chugging gut rot 10 dollar vodka in the my basement all alone.

And you're right, I'd like to believe one day I could get my drinking under control. Maybe I'm delusional. Right NOW though, I KNOW I absolutely have to go sober indefinitely to see if my biochemistry/thinking/feelings change with sobriety.

What I've realized is the longest I was ever sober since last August was two weeks. That means the clearest I've thought in a year was two weeks sober. I'm probably delusional and all of my decisions/insecurities are alcohol related.

Maybe if I'm three weeks sober or a month sober or two months sober I might start to get confidence back and move on with life.

Maybe I'll stop dwelling on my past relationships and build myself up again to start a new one.

But I'm not sure that'll fix the fact that I can't focus on anything or accomplish any tasks that take longer than a few minutes. I'm a fleshbag full of ambition that can't execute. Adderall allowed me to follow through.

Maybe sobering up + a light ADD med will finally put my life on track.

[BillDoolin]

Give yourself 2 months, you'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel after just that short time