"I get no respect at all"...Rodney, I understand!

[Traveler5]

Originally Posted by greentea2012

I have ALWAYS had difficulty sticking to a task...I have SO MANY interests and irons-in-the-fire (career / business idea wise) but rarely finish or lose steam and quit...same with school, I sign up for classes, do real well for a time then peter-out...mostly because I hit the learning-curve wall, get lost or behind on my work and either drop out or just not finish.

Any job I've ever held go south due to my inability to multi-task, make mistakes all the time and failure to establish friendships with anyone.

Sounds like ADHD to me as well. Talk to another doctor for advice.

[greentea2012]

Thanks Tudorose for the book suggestion. I've checked with my local library but they don't have it...found it on Amazon though.

Thanks Kilted for chiming in about your group experience. First, very sorry to hear that they treated you that way, that's completely counterintuitive to what those meetings seem to be for..!?...shame on them and the group leader! I'll check into a one-on-one with a doc first and get stronger before considering group stuff.

Your explanation of what relational psychotherapy was interesting. I thought it would be the doc teaching me how to approach people...a personal relationship "coach"....one can dream.

Traveler - I've talked to SO MANY docs over the years trying different meds, talk-therapy, trying to find the right doc that I feel comfortable with about the ADHD. I'll look for someone again that has this relational specialty, but I'm NOT looking forward to it...like everyone else in my life, most docs that I've met, I've not "jelled" with....well there was one but he lives 4 hours away now.

[beltoller]

Originally Posted by greentea2012

Thanks you guys!

Beltoller - I think the term they used was something like "hyper-kinetic" or something like that. My Mom sent me to a child psychologist who specialized in that sort of thing...talk therapy mostly. I was taking some medication also but it just put me to sleep.

Hyperkinetic Reaction of Childhood - I'd forgotten, had to look it up. Sounds like a term from the Freudian age - but that is what they called ADHD back when you and I were young children.

Originally Posted by greentea2012

...
Yes, I have ultra-sensitive radar...I have always been a very sensitive person (my son is the same way). Very tuned in to peoples body language, eyes, words used, tone...I just know intuitively what's going on within an interaction. ...

That's one of those things that has the potential to be a really great asset but can also be a crippling thorn in the flesh - a major one - if one is lacking a healthy bit of self-confidence.


I'm tending to agree with Travler5, Sarah and others who've said flat out that its a self-esteem issue at its core as it doesn't seem like, from reading your latest post here, that the "Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences" component of ADHD has really manifested itself to any real degree in your life.


Lucky you.

Originally Posted by greentea2012

... Now I'm unemployed, barely getting by and struggling to find a way to make a living. I'm afraid for me and my son...again, don't want my son to lose respect for me...plus I've just got to make more money to get him the things he wants/needs and have a nice life.

Some here know what its like to be on the dole, to lay awake at night worrying about the many, many things that could happen to your son and the pit in your stomach that results when you realise that you've no 2nd line of defense if a couple of the bigger wolves should show up at your doorstep at the same time.


Some of us here know exactly what its like to be the primary person in their son's life - aware of the bond that forms from having been their kid's Everything - day in/day out, for their whole life; and the fear of loosing that very dear thing - the complete trust they put in you.

I feel for ya, mate. I really do.


Yes, your son needs money and things, but mostly he needs a father who is confident and projects a sense of stability and emotional predictability. One can be strong, even if poor - how often have you heard stories by men who recount their cash-poor, heart-rich dads and how much having him in their lives meant to them?


Boys that see ( and they see so much more'n we ever thought ) their da's reach down deep in the face of adversity - probably have been given something critical to their future lives that the rest of us spend our lives unknowingly trying to make up for.


I never had a da 'round.

Originally Posted by greentea2012

... job I've ever held go south due to my inability to multi-task, make mistakes all the time and failure to establish friendships with anyone.

It sucks, my life is more than half-over and I still don't have my **** together.

If by that you mean having your wits about you enough to honour the trust placed in you by those who do love you, then there's time. But don't waste it trying to please the fickle masses - it'll be gone for good.

[greentea2012]

Beltoller - Thanks for your comments. I'm beginning to agree that most of my issues are probably a result of low self-esteem. I think I will see the psychiatrist and get on some type of anti-depressant and just suck-up the side-effects.

I didn't have a Dad around when I was growing up also, he died when I was young, something that I believe effects me to this day. Today I am a doting, supportive, HONEST and nurturing Dad, he is my world and I do everything to make sure he's happy, loved and safe. BUT, while I do agree that I have to be as stable and emotionally stable (which I DO show) I also need to put a roof over his head and be able to afford a toy here and there, a trip to visit family...MONEY is an issue and I used to have a business that flourished (before he was born) but ever since getting married and divorced, I've been barely getting by...something that REALLY weighs HEAVY on my self-esteem. Fixing THAT is my biggest priority...one builds on the other...I know that when I was making a bunch of money before I was married I had more self-esteem than ever. I don't get along well in office environments so now it seems that the only way I can ever make something of myself, financially, is to start my own business again...cause no one will hire me and if they do I won't be happy or be successful there anyway.

I have all sorts of ideas of businesses to start but I can't get make up my mind which to do or get started...paralysis, my other worst enemy besides myself.

[Slo-mo a-go-go]

Originally Posted by greentea2012

I have all sorts of ideas of businesses to start but I can't get make up my mind which to do or get started...paralysis, my other worst enemy besides myself.

well put! so true for me too

take comfort in knowing that alot successful businesses are built on a partnerships btween the creative dreamer and the office jockey who can organise and get stuff done.

[Fuzzy12]

Originally Posted by greentea2012

Hi All,

I'm 50, a white male, attractive, friendly, considerate, college educated, recently unemployed and a single father of my 8 year old boy who is my world. I was diagnosed when I was 8 and meds have never done anything for me, unfortunatly, and I've tried plenty!

All my life, I've been the outcast. People I have known for years, neighbors, acquaintances, even people I just met, treat me and/or look at me with a squint in their eye with this kind of weirded-out look as if they're saying "....oooookaaay...." kind of vibe and I don't know why and I'm afraid to ask.

Almost everyone I've ever known in my life don't respect me, don't return my calls or emails and it's effecting my life in every way possible...establishing business relationships and personal ones.

I'm not being paranoid, not being over-sensitive...I don't want to repel people in my life, just the opposite, but it just keeps getting worst for some reason and I don't know why.

What can I do to change my life and draw people in and not repel them?

It sounds like a self esteem issue mainly but could it also be that you are not commanding any respect? What happens when people don't return your calls or e-mails. Are there any consequences for them? Do you ask them? Stay on their case and eventually let them know in some way that it's not ok to behave like this? Also do they know the advantages of treating you with respect for them?

Umm..and who is Rodney???

[greentea2012]

Thanks Slo Mo and Fuzzy!

Fuzzy, yes it could absolutely be that I'm not commanding any respect but I don't know how to command respect...I mean I've tried by acting self-assured, looking people straight in the eye, stuff like that...maybe it's my appearance, the look in my eye, I mean I don't know how I look or sound when I talk with people either in person or on the phone...though I tend to do better on the phone. I've recorded myself talking on the phone in the past and I think I sound fine.

What happens when people don't return calls or emails?...nothing really, I don't want to be confrontational about it and back someone into a corner with questions like, "why haven't you called me back?" or something like that...I mean that would seem to be counterproductive and push people away...right?...I mean that's the way I look at it. I've asked before but got no where.

No consequences for them really...but I'm not just talking about personal friends, I'm talking about business relationships that I'm trying to develop also. I reached out to someone in my industry to be a mentor, we talked once and then he cancelled scheduled calls and then just didn't return my calls or emails altogether...I never reached out to him again because I just took the hint and didn't want him to speak poorly of me in the circles of folks that he know in our industry...he is very well respected and knows some very powerful people that could hinder my reputation...so I didn't push for a response and left it alone.


Oh and the Rodney I was referring to is Rodney Dangerfield, he's a comedian that's famous for the line "I get no respect at all". Funny story, I actually met him once too many years ago.