I'm grieving my former self and feeling all guilt

[addictedmommy79]

Hi, I became addicted to added all 3 yrs ago to help be to help me focus at worl, handle my duties as a live in care taker to grandmother with Alheimer's, work full time, and still prove I could be a super mom. I have only ever had alcohol and pot. I was scared of everything else and that made my very sensitive and low self esteem ego a little prideful.

So look at me now! I'm been off added all since June 8 and everyday feels dose. I did research last nite and have convinced myself my Dopamine is gone never to return. I cry, and sleep, and then lay awake beating myself up with my trusty mental bat. I swear I would become a Buddhist Monk and fly to India tonight if I thought it would guarantee that one day I would have my old self back. I really miss her...this is a nightmare....If anyone has gotten themselves back after taking a dose as high as 120mg for the the last 9 months taking the actual med longer . Should I g:confused et ECT? I can't believe this is happening to children. The drug.

Greed and money. I don't care about that I just want to feel stable. I think we should all get together and nakr a march for awareness. Then parents might see us and and the children can be saved. This is what I do know. Just stay up thinking negative and scurry stuff. I'm sorry. Should I do a juice cleanse? Thanks for listening guys I'm determined to recover do I can give others hope, so they can have hope.

[Joker_Girl]

I and many others are here for you and feel your pain.

To be honest, I did not know i had ADHD til i was 35 or 36 something in there. My son was. I got into trouble when i decided one day i was tired and i would give his left over meds a try because i had a lot to do. I thought it would be like drinking a lot of caffiene but maybe wouldnt make my stomach hurt. Of course i didnt take them like he had, i took like 3 to start and then i ate the whole thing in a couple of days.
Then he mysteriously had to get back on Adderall because "his ADHD was bad again" and my daughter got it too, and then I was telling my friends go and get your kids on this stuff i will pay you for it. Go and get them on Adderall or Ritalin i dont care I like it all.
I got to where it was never enough so had a brief affair with cocaine and then on to meth. I have done a lot of it.
And my dopamine came back! And whatever holes i had in my brain i guess they filled in because i was doing pretty good.
They put me on Ritalin and i was sure it would screw me up, plus how is 20 mg of ANYTHING gonna work, how would i even FEEL it. But it did.
Dont give up.

[ginniebean]

I didn't abuse but had severe side effects such that I can't take meds. It took around six months for most of my pre-med functioning to come back and about a year for well, all of it I guess? It's hard to quantify. The body heals on it's own time table.