Today I realized that I will never be successful with women. In other words...

[kuhan1923]

Originally Posted by TheChemicals

I challenge that statement!

First of all:

1. Sex relieves stress
2. Relieves pretty much everything.
3 you can do it to yourself
4. you can do it with someone or with many others.
5. It has accessories you can buy for enhancement
6. Its fun to watch others do it
7. Makes you smile
8. Makes her smile
9. Makes you want more sex
10. Beats talking all night.... 99% of the time
11. Makes your friends envious
12. Makes you the man
13. Makes the neighbors listen
14. Makes babies
15. Makes you happy to come home...or wherever it is you go to get it.

All short term happinesses (besides babies i guess). People think about sex and revolve their whole lives around sex, and i think thats a big problem. Am i the only one here, that after sex, i start thinking about more important things? It's a temporary pleasure, not worth thinking about all the time like i think a lot of people do. At least most 'normal' people that i talked to. All conversations would be about bangin girls and stuff. It's irritating hanging around a group of guys and everybody's just talking about how they want to sex up so and so lol.

I have unorthodox thinking though, just my opinion.

[kuhan1923]

Originally Posted by -nyr0c-

Can I add in my two cents as an inexperienced young woman? (I guess I can call myself that now - I turned 18 in May -shrugs-) Oh, and I didn't read all the posts, so sorry if I repeat anything. And I also apologize for the length of this thing.

I like to live by a little saying called "There is someone for everyone." I have here a video to back up this theroy (yes, I know it's from a movie, but I think it could happen in real life. Sorry if this seems to be in poor taste. The part toward the beginning of the video is what I'm reffering to.)

Is this a little bit naive of me to believe in this saying? Quite possibly, I have yet to determine that. But I think it's a little different then saying "Someday my prince/princess will come." That implies there is a perfect match for you out there, which I don't nescessarily agree with. People aren't perfect; there is no perfect person out their for you. Sorry if that's what you were expecting (which I don't think you are, Gearcube.) However, there is/are the right person/people out there for you.

By that, I mean that there are millions of people on this planet, and it's very likely that you can find many women that you are compatible with, and that genuinely like you. Believe me, there are tons of girls that aren't "stuck up/have high standards," they are just shy. I understand it can be hard to brake through that shell, let alone brake through your own shell. It just takes a little work.

I would recommend confronting a woman you already established "friends" with, and do it in a way that is not only comfortable for you, but also for her. Plus, just be honest about your feelings and what you want... that way there is no confusion. If she still isn't interested, don't loose hope. If she isn't interested in you in that way, just continue to be a good friend, and things might change for you.

Don't have any female friends? Here's a tip: get involved in some community clubs or organizations, like maybe a book club. That's a great way to meet girls, because most girls who are in organizations like that are generally nice, approachable people. I understand your a bit of a shut in - the same is true for myself. But, it isn't too hard to join a club that has activities you are interested in. Just find one that interests you.

I find that being more positive about eventually "finding someone" makes me a little more positive and confident, and I think that rubs off on people. On days I feel that way, confident and positive, I tend to get more people (not just guys, but people in general) looking my way. Of course, if I catch a guy (cute or unattractive) looking my way, that's when my alarm starts blinking and my walls go up. Not sure why, but that's what happens. Believe me, it is just as annoying for me as it probably is for the guys.

I can understand how confusing my signals can be, but guys are just as bad sometimes. It depends on the guy, but if I'm looking at guy for whatever reason and they catch me doing it, they either maintain eye-contact or they start laughing or glare right back at me. Rarely do any of them ever look away. I usually am the first to look away; guess I'm easily intimidated. When they laugh or glare, I feel really stupid, like some pathetic little girl who DARED to even look their way. But that's just from my own personal experience - other girls might be a little more brave than I am.

That's the best I can do, though I probably should just keep my trap shut because I've only ever dated twice, and I only consider one of them to have been a real relationship. So I'm probably not even qualified to give this advice -sheepish grin-

This is really good advice

[RedHairedWitch]

ToneTone's advice is brilliant. I have seen many lonely men ignore the wonderful but average woman who is crushing on them because all they can see is the trophy girl.

Also why do women like the tough guy attitude?
Confidence is attractive. Perhaps the most attractive trait in men.
The tough guy or bad boy style can be mistaken for confidence or self assurance, especially by women who can't tell the difference. Such as younger women or women who don't get that charming or tough and self confidence are not always the same thing. In fact the charming and tough guy act can be a cover for a lack of confidence.

Now, plenty of women like quiet men. The strong but silent (read: self assured but quiet) type is very attractive to many women. So much so that it's become an archetype of manliness.

Personally, I'm not a quiet guy kind of woman. Because (believe it or not) I'm actually pretty quiet. I like having a guy who can talk and talk and doesn't mind if I don't contribute much to a conversation, or who is cool about speaking up when I'm floundering or being shy. Complimentary and all that. I like a man with a hyperactive mind and mouth.

That being said, I know a number of women who do adore quiet and shy guys. Often they are women who are either super quite and want someone who is also super quiet. Or are the loud and talkative girl who want a quiet man who listens and doesn't talk over them. I can think of about half a dozen women in my social circle married to very quiet and/or shy men off the top of my head.

One thing that I do like are late bloomers. I tend to find myself in relationships with guys who didn't score a lot of chicks in high school or in their early twenties. But who decided to start taking care of themselves, working out, eating right, getting outdoorsy and such in their mid twenties to early thirties. Guys who blossomed in grad school, or in their career or once they entered their prime.
These guys tend to be thoughtful and creative.
They have real personalities that they had to develop.
They are less likely to take me in their life for granted.
They are understanding of my social awkwardness.
They have a sense of humour about themselves and the world around them.
They are not perfect and don't see themselves as such.
They have developed EARNED confidence and self assurance, but still carry that "scrawny little geek" inside themselves.
They like nerdy things that I like.
They have learned the value of working at yourself and growing as a person, for the purpose of making your life better and happier.
I adore that kind of man.

[shamrock]

I have nothing to add to the OP cos its all been said but doesnt Flounder have the coolest videos EVER. Those video replies are very funny.

[TheChemicals]

Originally Posted by kuhan1923

All short term happinesses (besides babies i guess). People think about sex and revolve their whole lives around sex, and i think thats a big problem. Am i the only one here, that after sex, i start thinking about more important things? It's a temporary pleasure, not worth thinking about all the time like i think a lot of people do. At least most 'normal' people that i talked to. All conversations would be about bangin girls and stuff. It's irritating hanging around a group of guys and everybody's just talking about how they want to sex up so and so lol.

I have unorthodox thinking though, just my opinion.

yes very unorthodox. Ah you know normal people? Good luck Lol, normal mentally is always the same thing....they think they are going to live forever and they follow like sheep the same ideals and normalities.

[gearcube]

Originally Posted by ToneTone

One more time: if you're living at home and saving money, why aren't you in therapy to develop social skills?

Tone

Because if I were the kind of person who longs for the company of others I probably wouldn't need to develop social skills, because chances are that I already would have them by now.

I've been where you've been. I've been there. And what pulled me out of it (one of the things) is realizing that I was focusing on super pretty girls and actually turning down invites or indicators of interest from other girls. I realized I was being hypocritical. I was charging girls with liking conventionally handsome and social guys, and yet I was pursuing and conventionally good looking and social girls.

I haven't seen indicators of interest from anyone.

[ToneTone]

Gearcube,

Good luck, brother.

Tone.

[Ocyan]

Originally Posted by RedHairedWitch

ToneTone's advice is brilliant. I have seen many lonely men ignore the wonderful but average woman who is crushing on them because all they can see is the trophy girl.

Also why do women like the tough guy attitude?
Confidence is attractive. Perhaps the most attractive trait in men.
The tough guy or bad boy style can be mistaken for confidence or self assurance, especially by women who can't tell the difference. Such as younger women or women who don't get that charming or tough and self confidence are not always the same thing. In fact the charming and tough guy act can be a cover for a lack of confidence.

Now, plenty of women like quiet men. The strong but silent (read: self assured but quiet) type is very attractive to many women. So much so that it's become an archetype of manliness.

Personally, I'm not a quiet guy kind of woman. Because (believe it or not) I'm actually pretty quiet. I like having a guy who can talk and talk and doesn't mind if I don't contribute much to a conversation, or who is cool about speaking up when I'm floundering or being shy. Complimentary and all that. I like a man with a hyperactive mind and mouth.

That being said, I know a number of women who do adore quiet and shy guys. Often they are women who are either super quite and want someone who is also super quiet. Or are the loud and talkative girl who want a quiet man who listens and doesn't talk over them. I can think of about half a dozen women in my social circle married to very quiet and/or shy men off the top of my head.

One thing that I do like are late bloomers. I tend to find myself in relationships with guys who didn't score a lot of chicks in high school or in their early twenties. But who decided to start taking care of themselves, working out, eating right, getting outdoorsy and such in their mid twenties to early thirties. Guys who blossomed in grad school, or in their career or once they entered their prime.
These guys tend to be thoughtful and creative.
They have real personalities that they had to develop.
They are less likely to take me in their life for granted.
They are understanding of my social awkwardness.
They have a sense of humour about themselves and the world around them.
They are not perfect and don't see themselves as such.
They have developed EARNED confidence and self assurance, but still carry that "scrawny little geek" inside themselves.
They like nerdy things that I like.
They have learned the value of working at yourself and growing as a person, for the purpose of making your life better and happier.
I adore that kind of man.

I always have been a late bloomer

@ Gearcube - what you are doing is what I call focussing on a flaw. You'll never succeed to happyness if you don't live intelligently. A flaw is a shortcoming on which you will always find more encounters than any thing else. Listen to Tonetone - he lives intelligently.

It's not very smart focussing on something you're having problems with, but worse to have a priority to utopic goals.

Follow Tonetone's advice. That is how live along your own potential.

[picard]

women do consider living with parents as a write off. They consider the guy not being a man or having the balls to do things himself. I talk to many women that it is a deal breaker immediately.

[TheChemicals]

Im a guy, and i dont hang out with my guy friends that still live with there parents. Its just weaksauce.

[Rebelyell]

The list that redhaired witch wrote sounds alot like me.I'd probably get along well w her if we ever got to meet someday.

[gearcube]

Originally Posted by Ocyan

I always have been a late bloomer

@ Gearcube - what you are doing is what I call focussing on a flaw. You'll never succeed to happyness if you don't live intelligently. A flaw is a shortcoming on which you will always find more encounters than any thing else. Listen to Tonetone - he lives intelligently.

It's not very smart focussing on something you're having problems with, but worse to have a priority to utopic goals.

Follow Tonetone's advice. That is how live along your own potential.

why is everyone praising ToneTone's advice?

Originally Posted by ToneTone

Geartube,

he misspelled my name.

Come on brother! ... Show a little hope.

why should I show you hope? are you the one with problems or is it me?

First of all, why do you think there are no shy GIRLS, no socially awkward GIRLS, no lonely GIRLS, out in the world?

I never said I thought those women don't exist.

They are out there looking for you, and you're here complaining about not getting attention from the "cheerleaders."

I never said I was not getting attention from the cheerleaders.

There is a girl on the other side of town, who is saying the same thing about guys, including you.

Possibly true.

She's saying you and other guys only want the super good-looking girls, the smooth girls, the girls with traditionally great bodies, etc. She's citing evolution to say men want women who are submissive and can't think. She's saying all that you're saying.

FIND THAT GIRL!

There is no guarantee we will be compatible.

Would you be interested in meeting a girl similar to yourself in social skills?

Not really, since I wasn't thinking about social skills.

You might find a fellow traveler and you guys can grow together and coach and support each other as you develop your social skills.

Yeah I might. I hit on 10000 women I eventually will get lucky.

So why aren't you in therapy to deal with your poor social skills and loneliness.

Because therapy is not based on sound arguments. Because therapy has failed me in the past.

You sound like a great candidate for group therapy. And you'd meet others like yourself and you guys would encourage each other and give hope to each other and learn from each other.

Why would I want to meet people like me? Do you think I celebrate my flaws?

The happiness point, you're getting lost. The key thing first is that if you're really happy, you wouldn't need to come on this board and complain about "girls" (as in all girls) think this way or that way.

But having to hit on 10000 women before I find one who is compatible would make me unhappier. No human being should go through so many rejections. That's not good.

I've been where you've been. I've been there. And what pulled me out of it (one of the things) is realizing that I was focusing on super pretty girls and actually turning down invites or indicators of interest from other girls.

And how do I tell invites and indicators of interest? If I look at a woman and she is looking at me, does it mean that she is interested? Because I look at people all the time, and that doesn't mean I want to **** them.

I realized I was being hypocritical. I was charging girls with liking conventionally handsome and social guys, and yet I was pursuing and conventionally good looking and social girls.

I like what I like. I cannot chase something I don't like.

One more time: if you're living at home and saving money, why aren't you in therapy to develop social skills?
Tone

Because therapy doesn't work. Therapy is not going to teach me pick up lines. Therapy is not going to give me status, resources, or make me handsome.

[CheekyMonkey]

You seem to projecting strong, negative emotions and I don't know if you see that or not. From my perspective, negativity doesn't look good on anyone.

[crystal8080]

Gearcube, serious question. Do you want help with this? Or do you want people to just agree with you?

[Conman]

Originally Posted by RedHairedWitch

Confidence is attractive. Perhaps the most attractive trait in men.

One thing that I do like are late bloomers. I tend to find myself in relationships with guys who didn't score a lot of chicks in high school or in their early twenties. But who decided to start taking care of themselves, working out, eating right, getting outdoorsy and such in their mid twenties to early thirties. Guys who blossomed in grad school, or in their career or once they entered their prime.
These guys tend to be thoughtful and creative.
They have real personalities that they had to develop.
They are less likely to take me in their life for granted.
They are understanding of my social awkwardness.
They have a sense of humour about themselves and the world around them.
They are not perfect and don't see themselves as such.
They have developed EARNED confidence and self assurance, but still carry that "scrawny little geek" inside themselves.
They like nerdy things that I like.
They have learned the value of working at yourself and growing as a person, for the purpose of making your life better and happier.
I adore that kind of man.

i cant tell if i'm confident anymore or if it's become integrated into my personality because i just do things typically without hesitation (which leads me to say very stupid things or unfiltered things). i may come off as a ******* or kinda hyper but am i still confident in appearance for that occurring nonetheless?

and sweetness i fit all but the first thing on your list. im smexy. awesome.

i also agree with cheeky and crystal. gearcube...you're shooting down good advice before it's had a chance. that's not cool. tone was trying to help you but you're being cynical about it all. when i get depressed i get cynical and biting but damn, i try harder to listen to things now since i've been learning to live with lots of things. if you're unhappy about something, make a move and change it.