Hello

[Youngadhder]

Hi.

I just had a pretty bad break down.

I'm 24. Was diagnosed as a child. Had a horrible school childhood experience.
I'm on Adderall, guaphacine, and lamictal.

I spent 10 years denying I had ADHD because Ritalin made me violent, causing more painful experiences during childhood which made my mother think the doctors were quacks.

I've job hopped. Been called lazy, stupid, a bum.

I failed college three times.

My meds are recent (relatively)

I'm really hurting right now. I always feel inadequate, always looking for validation, always apologizing for my quirks. I feel like I'm always "talking about it" and going to doctors. Today was my worst break down. I just broke down and cried my eyes out because I feel like I'm a horrible mother because I struggle to entertain my son and I don't feel like I'm good enough for him - especially when I spend so much money "fixing myself." going to all these doctors.

I have some dreams but I don't trust myself to achieve them and I think no one would believe me anyway because of constantly changing interests and my inability to stick to anything.

I'm exhausted. Life feels like one big restraint and struggle.

I am not suicidal.

Just posting to a place I've been lurking quite awhile. I just need someone to relate; to tell me that one day I can overcome this and feel confident, optimistic, and happy again.

Thanks for reading.

[BR549]

Hi Youngadhder~

Welcome to the forums!

What you are feeling, many of us here have felt or are feeling. You definitely are not alone.

There are people here who do understand.

I'm glad that you finally decided to join.

[Unmanagable]

((((((((Hugs)))))))))

Glad you joined! You'll find your peeps here.

Speaking personally, even with a good med combo, the happiness, optisim, and confidence comes and goes on a regular, albeit unexpected at times, basis.

Working with my doc to find the right med combo definitely increased my ability to learn, and practice, other treatment options too. (meditation, drumming, healthier eating, getting adequate sleep, staying hydrated, etc.)

Hope you find some relief soon.

[crystal8080]

Originally Posted by Youngadhder

I just broke down and cried my eyes out because I feel like I'm a horrible mother because I struggle to entertain my son and I don't feel like I'm good enough for him - especially when I spend so much money "fixing myself." going to all these doctors.

Any mother who tries to better herself is by definition a good mother.

PM me if you need to talk.

[Youngadhder]

Thanks for your support.

I'm feeling a little better today, but just very overwhelmed. I've started a new job (I'm a groomer) and I have a 2 year old son that is in his tantrum stage. Up to my eyeballs in debt. I hope to help others out too on my journey to getting better.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by Youngadhder

Thanks for your support.

I'm feeling a little better today, but just very overwhelmed. I've started a new job (I'm a groomer) and I have a 2 year old son that is in his tantrum stage. Up to my eyeballs in debt. I hope to help others out too on my journey to getting better.

Oh man....terrible twos! I was a preschool teacher for the 2's class. I have some tricks if you'd like to know them.

It will get better, especially when you figure out the best med combo. Once you feel like you have more control over things, it will get better. Until then, keep on fighting!