Breaking my own heart

[Drewbacca]

Never give up.

[LordranBound]

Well, these are my thoughts on things. Some may say pessimistic, I say realistic....

[FocusFlutterby]

Originally Posted by LordranBound

Well, these are my thoughts on things. Some may say pessimistic, I say realistic....

LoL I say pessimistic!

My (most likely unhelpful) perspective:

We all dream for things- but will you be happier in a job you like that pays a little less in a basic house than you'd be in a job you hate with your dream house?

This is not a damper, it's perspective. Ask every person who had their dream homes repossessed over the last few years- I believe there are millions. We saw many people who lost their homes and communities, friends and family members in a big fire a few years ago. To watch some of those people loose and rebuild their dreams in that respect was inspiring.

I promise you petal, if this doesn't work out for you, if you continue to work on yourself (something I think we all should do until the die we die) and you continue to put the work into your relationship, something even better will come along. It's hard for us Frontal lobe challenged types to think that far ahead though.

I attached a quote that has been really giving me a lot of strength and courage lately- hope it helps!

[Sandy4957]

Go see the house with the boyfriend.

There's no way that the reality will match your (perfect) expectations, and then at least you'll realize that you're not missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime.

My mom gave me great advice when I shopped for a house. She said "you never actually get your first love in a home."

How she knew that, I have NO IDEA. But the fact is that the woman has yet to make a bad real estate decision. And she's owned some beautiful properties.

So go see it. Walk through it in the same way that you might walk through a castle. You'll likely see things that surprise you and make you feel less badly about it not being yours, and then you can move on and plan around what will eventually seem reasonable to you.

I did not get the first house on which I bid. I've been in the one that we're in now since 1990, and I wouldn't trade it for any other house anywhere. I love my house.

[tortilaman]

Sorry to hear about the house. That is unbelievable to hear about how you have tackled your finances though. I am envious. I've gone looking at houses and stuff recently, but have never gotten quite as deep into it as it appears you have, so I'm sorry to hear. Really though, that's amazing what you've managed to do with your financial situation.

Don't stop following your dreams! I know it's disappointing when something is out of reach, but what is left without dreams?

[FlutteryPixie]

Time for a little update as several things have happened!

First of all, the most important part: Thank you for your help and advice! We did as several of you suggested and we actually went and saw The House, and guess what, some of you were right: It wasn't perfect.

In fact, it was very, very impractical! So much so that even I had to admit it, half way up the final staircase to the bedroom, as I could see myself tumbling down the steep stairs one unfocused morning within weeks of moving in... but let's start at the beginning.

We arrived at the house, and it really is adorable. The kind of quirky, weird adorable that has only been allowed to exist for so long because there are people in this world who say "screw common sense, I love this place!" and thank God for them, or this world would be truly boring in my opinion. One of those people currently live in The House, and she has made strange little artsy things like half a vase sticking out of one wall near a radiator, and a little cement moon on the wall over the bed in the bedroom. The ground floor is actually just as I imagined; the kitchen's good, though the dining area's too small for more than two guests. the garden's cozy and crazy, and there's a huge wardrobe in the entrance hall.

The first floor was smaller than I'd imagined - two very small living rooms, again too small to really cater to guests, but cozy. Then I met The Staircase, and knew that I would have to start looking for errors to get over the shock of The House letting me down... The bedroom clearly needed a stroak of paint, though it was otherwise a positive surprise. The bathroom was small and I know our grandmothers and even some of our parents wouldn't be able to get up the stairs for a shower if they visited.

As we re-entered the first floor, I realized that my tall boyfriend's hair was brushing the ceiling, and he had to bend down to walk through the doorways. The otherwise truly unique basement was even worse; He coudn't stand upright down there at all.

And so we left, knowing that The House wasn't for us, but for some short, healthy couple, uninterested in children, who either don't have any elderly or sick relatives visiting or who plain don't care. But that's not us. The images and dreams I had included our family, christmas parties, and many other things that require more space, ceiling height and safer staircases than what The House could offer.

The hardest part was letting go of the actual dream, seeing as it turned out not to have any roots in reality. It's funny though, six months ago, I wouldn't have seen the impractical sides at all, and probably would have still been clawing for it.

On the positive side, we were at the bank today, and we can get a loan! Not enough for something like The House, but there are houses of equal size a few minutes by bus from the city centre that we would be able to afford, so we can start looking for a more affordable dream house, and if we find one, we can actually make the dream come true! The lady at the bank said that we've proved we can handle the economy needed for the amount she's suggesting, and if we can put aside a set amount each month, we can be re-evaluated in 6 months for a higher loan amount if we'd rather do that.

The job interview seemed to go quite well, though I've no feel for wether or not I'll get it, but in a week, we've gone from dreams that may never come true and feeling trapped to actually having some options and interesting possibilities, so I'm really, really happy.

[sarahsweets]

Positive thoughts and good karma can go a long way, Do some random act of kindness(for me its paying for someone behind me at starbucks or posting a bulletin on a board with things liek take if you neeed/strength/hope/prayers/joy ect..youd be surprised at how many people take those little ter off.s

[spunkysmum]

I think it's wonderful that you went to see the house and relinquished the dream "on your own recognizance" instead of going through life feeling like it was taken from you against your will, or that you were bullied or talked out of it.

I also think you are going to have a wonderful time looking at other houses and seeing their little quirks as well. I can tell you are the kind of person who can see the personality and potential in every house you walk through, like I am. Houses are like people, from what I've seen - they all have their flaws and impracticalities, but it just makes them more interesting. It's just a matter of finding the set of quirks you can live with because the rest makes it worth it.

It's actually rather like finding somebody to love, isn't it?

[spunkysmum]

Have you considered relocating to Poland?

[avjgirsijdhtjhs]