new here & frustrated out my mind

[Eli wifey]

Hi im danni im 24 and add is destroying my home I feel like my husband and 6 yr old are trying to "fix" me and its frustrating as ever. I know my husband is doing his best and he means well. I know half of the arguments we get into is my fault because I feel unloved and unwanted but now my 6 year old is trying to play fix it and help daddy fix mommie and im about to just leave my own home. They are making me feel like a complete insane tool and I hate it I dont know what to do anymore

[spunkysmum]

Your 6-year-old actually says that? Is he repeating what his father has said about fixing you? Your husband should not be doing that to your child. Apart from the obvious undermining of you, it's also bound to make the child insecure to be told he or she has a "broken mommy."

[Flia]

Who says the arguments are your fault? Is that his way of getting out of an argument?

And how come you feel unloved when your husband should be showing you every day that you are loved.

And I agree that he is undermining your authority with the child., not to mention his future view on women.
There are many arguments on why this marriage is bad for you, but my strongest is that it's really bad for your kid.
Believe me when I say that feeling alone within a marriage is much much worse than being alone on your own.

[sarahsweets]

I sure hope he isnt sharing knowledge with your six year old that he has not business being a part of . Its hard enough to develop strong bonds with your parents without one parent telling the child thingd that are negative about the other parent.

[Slo-mo a-go-go]

Oh danni! So sorry to hear you are in this place in life right now!

As you already know, ADHD people need endless support and a cushion to fall on when we try and fail. Your hubby has the wrong skill set for his approach to this! You are now struggling with him and your ADHD!

Would your hub be up for couples counselling? You voicing your struggles, it must be heard and digested and understood by him. You need his support, but his support must be a reflection of your needs and couples therapy can help bring those changes, esp if you find a therapist familiar or exp'd w/ ADHD.

Your child still loves you deeply and doesn't understand the hurt that parroting your hubby's words is causing you.

Glad you reached out to vent your frustration, hope you get the support here you need!

[spunkysmum]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I sure hope he isnt sharing knowledge with your six year old that he has not business being a part of. It's hard enough to develop strong bonds with your parents without one parent telling the child things that are negative about the other parent.

So true. I seem to notice my parents bickering more these days but when I was a kid, I never recall either of them badmouthing the other to us kids and for that I am still profoundly grateful. The united front they presented gave us a basic sense of security that every child deserves to have. I remember noticing when other kids' parents did it and being somewhat horrified.

[AbsentMindProf]

You said that he means well. That suggests to me that he might be receptive if you explained that the stress of what he is doing just makes things worse. Anxiety triggers ADHD-like symptoms even in people that don't have ADHD.

Have you tried sitting him down (at a point when you're both calm) and talking to him about it?

Most of us guys have a powerful "protect the family at all costs" instinct. If what he is doing is some inappropriate manifestation of that then you might get him to "behave" if you give him something else to do to satisfy that instinct. If I see my wife sad and there is nothing I can do to solve the problem it just drives me nuts because of that simple biological instinct. I hate hate hate hate the feeling of being unable to protect someone I love. Most men feel that way, we just usually don't say it. If that's the problem here, you might 'calm the beast' by showing him an appropriate way to help. Are there ADHD-related chores/responsibilities that you have trouble with that he could take over -- perhaps in exchange for you assuming a job that he struggles with that you would be good at?

[Eli wifey]

We talked about it and he swore he didnt tell our son anything he says he must have heard us arguing. He went in and talked to our son. Its an everyday struggle but AbsentMindProf said the same thing you were saying about just trying to protect our family and honestly I had never thought of it like that so now were going to try seeing someone so hopefully that makes things better