The OTHER kind of 'attention deficit disorder'

[dopestep]

Originally Posted by Florence1989

i screwed my entire life up every step of the way, had childhood diagnosis and still didnt receive treatment...when i was diagnosed as an adult ...not an easy diagnosis to come by over here in the UK my consultant was thoroughly disgusted that i had been left so long without correct care...not a lot of people floating around my way with adhd diagnosis...dyslexia is another thing though......

i often wonder how i wasnt diagnosed as a child.... i had 11 referrals in first grade. my principal told my dad that i set a record for the school. one that i still currently uphold . my teacher actually kicked me out of her class permanently and i had to be switched to a different teacher. by middle school i picked up my first criminal offense. i was arrested for possesion of marijuana on campus. got my second arrest in high school for petty theft. not only did i obviously fit the criteria for impulsive but i also struggled with grades as well. i was only able to pass high school because i score high on tests. my grade breakdown always looked exactly the same. high test scores + non existent HW scores = C average. now that im in college the tides have turned and ive failed 3 consecutive semesters in a row. i was only taking like 3 classes a semester too. for someone who was always told they were a "smart person" i sure do look like a dumb *** on paper.

before i knew i was adhd all these things used to tear me up inside. none more-so than the social aspect. i remember one year in highschool i lost my entire group of friends and it really ****** with my head. one of my friends was slightly older and got his car before the rest of us. he started taking my group of friends off campus every day for lunch and it was all good until he started telling me that his car was full every single day. this meant that he was taking all of our friends to lunch and leaving me at school. i didnt have anyone else to hangout with who stayed at school. so alot of the times id just walk around campus pretending i was on my way somewhere until lunch ended. this hurt me so much i cant even begin to describe it. on paper i was just like everyone else in my group of friends.. i liked to skate, i listened to the same music, everyone always told me i was hilarious. i didnt know i had adhd. i had to find the reason why all my friends would just throw me aside like that.... i just kept wondering day n night what was wrong with me? after a while i decided in my head that it must be the way i look. prior to this experience i always had high self esteem (basically i thought i was the **** and i knew i was good looking) because of the circumstances however, i couldnt deduce any other possible reasons my friends would abandon me. in my mind it was because i figured they wanted to pick up girls at lunch and they thought if i was there i would scare them away. (which is ridiculous because at the time i was the only one in my group who had a couple different girlfriends before) so i developed this negative self esteem and this weird obsessive habit of wearing a hat so i didnt have to worry about my hair being messed up. two years went by like that until i had my own car and had found a new group of friends. at that point i started partying with one friend in particular which lead me to eventually dating a cheerleader which helped with my self esteem and made me feel alot more confident about my personal appearance.


long story short? not everyone with adhd is super obvious. sometimes we look at the achievements of others and say look how accomplished that person is, theres no way they could have a major disorder like adhd. what we dont see is the internal struggle that person is suffering through. if you saw me at a party with my gf you mighta thought "wow i wish i was that guy, he has a cheerleader gf and he looks confident about his life." but in reality a few months prior to that i was crying myself to sleep wondering why cant i be someone else.