Hard time making close friends

[TheChemicals]

A close friend to me is someone im sleeping with. I suppose that can be considered extreme but what else is there really? Its all cliche and staring at eachothers face for hours...might as well go all the way.

[T-Rex65]

Many of my closest friendships have snuck up on me. I sometimes realize after knowing someone for a while that I can really trust them, and that they have more affection and respect for me than I knew. I didn't necessarily set out to nurture those particular relationships, but they have sort of sprouted up despite my neglect.

Some of my strongest friendships are with people that I only see a few times each year. It's great to have friends I can hang out with whenever I like, but my circle of friendship and support extends much farther than my local social group.

If you take a look at the relationships you already have, you may find that you have more solid friendships than you realize.

[Kirby Albee]

Same problem, no advice.

[LynneC]

Another weakness that may hold me back is the ability to remember people's names....they can have just introduced themselves and I will forget their name almost immediately!

I have this problem, too. I've learned to get past the awkwardness of forgetting someone's name immediately and now (if I really would like to know them better) I just say, with a smile, 'Tell me your name again; I'm not very good at remembering names.' Then I make a point to repeat it to myself. Not sure why I can't do that the first time someone is introduced to me, but I can almost always do it the 2nd time I hear their name.

A good way to start to develop a friendship is to limit talking about yourself, and instead focus on learning about the other person. Ask questions about what they do or what classes they are taking, where they are from, etc. Show a genuine interest in them.

[TheChemicals]

HOnestly though, if someone is butthurt about you not remembering there names a couple times than screw them. Sheesh.

[BoredWes]

A trick I learned regarding people's names is putting it in the notes section of my iphone with something that will make me remember their face (e.g. Jason from work, short with a half beard or Tina who works at chilis, amazing smile). After looking it up two times it will go from short term memory to long term memory and i'm good to go .

You know, I have that same problem with close friends. Growing up I had 4 really close best friends and we did everything together. However we all went to college and moved to different places across the country. Now we just visit during holidays or talk trash during fantasy football (which is coming up soon).

Anyway, at first I thought I was unique regarding my friend situation, but the more adult friends I make the more I realize how common it is. We all relocate for work, have friends move away, or just drift apart from the people we grew up with.

My recommendation to you would be to find a "good" social setting where your forced to interact with other people around your age (flag football, free poker tournaments, church retreats, etc) and just be yourself.

You'll want to avoid bars, clubs, or any other place where people have their guard up, these are the hardest places to meet good decent people (imho).

How to make a close friend into a best friend? Time is the only answer with trust and reliability coming in a close 2nd and 3rd.

[meadd823]

I clicked on this thread because I just got through thinking about a hand full of people I have been meaning to call / return e-mail messages to and have failed to get to it - IN some cases months have gone by.

I have to have some sort of regularly schedule activity with people to make close friends because if left to my own devices I will forget to do that little but all important thing called "follow up".

[DeftonesGrrl]

I can relate - maybe not completely in the same way, but I know how lonely it feels.

For me, it seems like my social abilities come in "waves" - sometimes I will be all pumped about being social and will call people to hang out, I will be active in some of the local meetup groups in my area (I even co-hosted a meetup once!), I'll be excited about meeting new people and will even let my goofy sense of humor shine.

Then, I'll all of a sudden feel like I can't relate to anyone, I'll stop actively persuing people to hang out, and will get really socially anxious and depressed about social interactions. I will avoid talking to others and start dreading social interactions. I avoid small chit-chat because I don't have the patience for it. The people I just started to get to know earlier when I was more social aren't close enough to me to share my feelings with.

It is lonely - sometimes it feels like you have to do so much work to get to the point where people call YOU instead of you always calling them. I agree, it feels like everyone already has their tight group of friends right now and has no room for no other really close friends.

However, I do suggest trying out some local groups from meetup.com or see if there are any private facebook social groups. I'm a 20-something mom and have found make meetup groups with other moms who have similar parenting practices and interests. Usually it's the same people who attend the meetups so you can get to know them over time.