Did having ADD give you extraordinary willpower?

[hanikamiya]

Originally Posted by keliza

It's hard to explain to other people who aren't ADHD because they (and by they I'm usually referring to my mom) always say, "Well, you just have to buckle down and make yourself do it!" If it was that easy well then by God I would have already done all of my assigned readings before the semester even began!

I think one problem with reading assignments is that as soon as I need to read a text for a certain subject, I automatically start my meta-reading strategies. "Do I have to be able to explain this? Is this actually correct, or is it overly simplified/outdated? Does the author have a specific goal in mind? Does this goal distort the information? Where can I get more details/examples? What kind of interpretation is expected of me? ..."

When reading for fun, I only later think about all those questions.
When reading for fun, I can make up for the differences in pace between my thought processes and the way the text is paced.

But I can't do that, and at the same time work out all the important points and the kind of stupid questions my teacher will ask (don't know about lecturers yet).

So I end up zoning out or wanting to argue with the author of the text.

[keliza]

Originally Posted by hanikamiya

I think one problem with reading assignments is that as soon as I need to read a text for a certain subject, I automatically start my meta-reading strategies. "Do I have to be able to explain this? Is this actually correct, or is it overly simplified/outdated? Does the author have a specific goal in mind? Does this goal distort the information? Where can I get more details/examples? What kind of interpretation is expected of me? ..."

I never consciously think about reading strategies when I'm reading, regardless of the kind of text it is. I've never understood what people meant by those, to be honest. I suppose for me it's always been a subconscious process that I just do without thinking about it. I am the kind of person who reads the assignment once, doesn't usually take notes or outline it, and doesn't go back and re-read it before an exam. If I was actually paying attention, once should be all that I need.

If I am in class and questions like the ones you posed are asked of me, I just think back to what I read and make my analysis then and there. It's always worked out for me, probably a combination of scoring so highly in reading comprehension plus having an exceptional ability to BS answers on the spot, haha.

[LeftCarRunning]

Originally Posted by fracturedstory

I think what the OP meant was the power to keep going, to achieve something. Willpower to me is avoiding those things that get in the way of achieving. Like staying up late on a forum when it's my bedtime.

Yes, that was what I meant by willpower. I was referring to having to work harder at everything than my peers. I needed to prove that I was good enough, and I did that by running marathons and passing the CPA exam on the first try.

Without ADHD, I think I would have been more satisfied with the status quo. But because I always felt like I was inferior, I had to accomplish difficult things to feel equal.

Does that make more sense?

[fracturedstory]

Intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation is the same for me. Even when I do something I don't want to do the result is to feel much better about myself. I feel that way after making dinner or doing the dishes. And get excited when it's time to bring my clothes in and 1) I remembered before nightfall and 2) they actually dried!

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by keliza

It's not a matter of will power, because I really do sit and try for hours and hours. But I find myself reading the same 3 lines repeatedly, then spacing out, until I find myself 10 minutes later doodling in the margins of my notebook and realizing that even though I've been "reading" that page for 10 minutes, I haven't actually read or understood any of it. The problem is that I can't switch my internal motivation to make myself want to focus on that, to make myself do it, my brain just shuts off.

I can relate to this!

[fracturedstory]

Originally Posted by LeftCarRunning

Yes, that was what I meant by willpower. I was referring to having to work harder at everything than my peers. I needed to prove that I was good enough, and I did that by running marathons and passing the CPA exam on the first try.

Without ADHD, I think I would have been more satisfied with the status quo. But because I always felt like I was inferior, I had to accomplish difficult things to feel equal.

Does that make more sense?

Definitely. I felt like such a failure for not being able to bond with my nephews and nieces in the way their more socially aware aunties and uncles could, so I focused on their birthday presents and even made their cards for them, and then said uncles and aunties said I was making them look bad. But really I'm just bonding in the only way I can.
The way I give gifts is thus: it must reflect how I know them, so it's usually something they like but it also reminds me of them. And I never go for vouchers or a gift you could give anybody. And my god is it ever so exhausting. And as I'm an artist who needs a practical reason to practice my art I make extravagant cards. The one I'm working on will have various Sega and Nintendo characters and be professionally printed.

And because no one will give me a job I have decided to make my own money by starting a sci-fi trilogy that deals with the overuse of digital technology (which I'm a critic of), psychological disorders and lastly extra-solar planetary discovery. There's some education about neurological disorders in there as well.

My latest Facebook rant was about my frustration and on and off again feelings of alienation because of the many social rituals going on that site, and I was confused why some people thought I was trying to limit their learning, while I was actually complaining about their lack of curiosity and only knowing what's going on in the world because it was posted on Facebook.

I think maybe mediocrity doesn't bother them because they don't have this non-existent attention span, worse memory, irregular amounts of energy both intensive on the sluggish side of the spectrum and massive amount of energy both resulting in having poor focus, emotional regulation and motivation, that basically makes them feel inferior because their brain is never in one steady state unless on medication. It's always fighting to be average and it results achieving something far beyond that. Although, if you're like me you never actually think it's good enough. You just have to stop and say 'that'll do for now' while the working socially successful world is praising you.

Ooo, that was a bit of a run on sentence. I apologise. A few years ago I could never grasp proper punctuation or even know what grammar was. And now I have someone that works as an editor who edits many different pieces tell me that a chapter that I basically re-wrote later and decided to discard was amazing and should be professionally published. And all I can think is, 'it's a bit long, isn't it? I don't want to bore the reader in the first chapter.'

So yeah, inferior. Become Prime Minister, an ambassador for World Health, and a 15 year veteran who served in the armed forces to help deliver a third world nation from the tyranny of an evil dictator and then think...'I suppose that will do for now.' (note: such scenario about delivering a third world nation from the tyranny of an evil dictator is purely fantasy and does not involve any politics of said real life wars, nor do I condone said wars or oppose them).

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by hanikamiya

So, they asked me how I managed to do that.
All I could reply with was a blank stare. I had not known that what I was experiencing wasn't what everyone experiences. And I learnt that if I narrowed down my view enormously and just thought of the next step, and that step only, I could do that step.

This too!!!

[fracturedstory]

^That's pretty much they way us attention to detail people thrive. If I feel overwhelmed by a task I will break it down into steps, even with my writing. Focus on this one sentence (which I call a 'part') and see how I do.

I actually think that's how I process the world. I live in a city, or close to one and when under stress zero in on that chipped brick on a tall building.

[hanikamiya]

Originally Posted by fracturedstory

Intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation is the same for me. Even when I do something I don't want to do the result is to feel much better about myself. I feel that way after making dinner or doing the dishes. And get excited when it's time to bring my clothes in and 1) I remembered before nightfall and 2) they actually dried!

Yes, definitely. I do that too. But it only works when I've already done that thing before, and then felt happy about it. And it must be within the last fortnight, or frequently enough that I remember the feeling and can anticipate feeling it again.

[fracturedstory]

Originally Posted by hanikamiya

Yes, definitely. I do that too. But it only works when I've already done that thing before, and then felt happy about it. And it must be within the last fortnight, or frequently enough that I remember the feeling and can anticipate feeling it again.

It usually happens with repetitive tasks. Although, if I force myself to venture out I begin to feel like it was a good idea. But usually that is because I get more ideas for my writing.

[ana futura]

I think my ADHD is responsible for my complete LACK of will power. It does give me a few things that can be confused with willpower-

It makes me unconcerned with "the rules" and "the way things are supposed to be done."

It makes me put myself into stupid situations, so I am forced to fight my way out of them- I'll enter a race and then not train for it at all. I end up having to push myself to the point of feeling like I'm going to puke, because I'm participating in an event that's way beyond my fitness level. I'll put off all my homework till the last week of class and then have to finish everything in 3 non-stop days.

It makes me disinterested in things that other people struggle with avoiding (like food- I often can't be bothered to eat, and that's without meds)

It makes me resort to extreme measures because I struggle with self control so much on a daily basis- Like I had to request that I be banned from this site because I couldn't stop myself from spending hours on it daily while I was supposed to be doing homework.

Often, any "willpower" that ADHD appears to give me is really just a coping mechanism designed to compensate for the true willpower that ADHD robs me of. Willpower isn't willpower if you can only use it at certain times. It took me 7 years to graduate (Cum Laude). Sure, I stuck with it, but if I had any willpower it would have only taken me 4.

[LeftCarRunning]

Originally Posted by rockydaydreamer

We tend to have a strong will when we hyperfocus, but we do it so much to the point of exhaustion that it's easy quit and move to something else.

I'm strong-willed, but I'm also capricious.
I think sometimes even when we do accomplish things, we feel like it's not enough.

I couldn't have said it better myself! I don't have "willpower" in every area. I've left 2 husbands without trying to work it out (although I married them both on impulse). In fact, I married my current husband on impulse, too, and if he doesn't get off his butt and get a job, I'll be 3 times divorced!

Actually, he's the reason I started feeling like I had strong willpower, perseverance, determination (whatever you want to call it). He knows he needs to work, but he won't "just do it." He's waiting for the perfect job. I've been pulling his weight for 16 months now in a job that I hate!

So, I feel kind of willpowery.

[ana futura]

Perseverance and willpower are very different things. I have to persevere to make up for my almost complete lack of self control.

That job you hate is likely killing you. I kept taking worthless jobs because finding a real job was too hard. Now, my resume is terrible and my college degree is a waste, as I never tried to do anything with it. Don't confuse willpower with an ability to handle an excessive amount of crap. Most people I know who hold out for better jobs wind up in a better economic position in the long run.

[beltoller]

Originally Posted by ana futura

I think my ADHD is responsible for my complete LACK of will power. It does give me a few things that can be confused with willpower-

It makes me unconcerned with "the rules" and "the way things are supposed to be done."

It makes me put myself into stupid situations, so I am forced to fight my way out of them- I'll enter a race and then not train for it at all. I end up having to push myself to the point of feeling like I'm going to puke, because I'm participating in an event that's way beyond my fitness level. I'll put off all my homework till the last week of class and then have to finish everything in 3 non-stop days.

It makes me disinterested in things that other people struggle with avoiding (like food- I often can't be bothered to eat, and that's without meds)

It makes me resort to extreme measures because I struggle with self control so much on a daily basis- Like I had to request that I be banned from this site because I couldn't stop myself from spending hours on it daily while I was supposed to be doing homework.

Often, any "willpower" that ADHD appears to give me is really just a coping mechanism designed to compensate for the true willpower that ADHD robs me of. Willpower isn't willpower if you can only use it at certain times. It took me 7 years to graduate (Cum Laude). Sure, I stuck with it, but if I had any willpower it would have only taken me 4.

I can see that! A preserverance borne from a total disregard for the word(s) "No" "Enough" "Not now"

[lalapin]

I would say yes because before diagnosis each day was "the beginning of my new life" (by this I mean having thoughts like these "Ok so from now on i'll be organised!" or "today is the end of impulsive behavior/angry outbursts" and I always tried my best to be better, everyday, without success, but never gave up). Now that I'm medicated/psychotherapy I finally feel able to begin that new life.