Self-depricating humor

[Joker_Girl]

I make a joke out of everything.

Pretty much because i feel if i don't laugh, i'll probably cry.

Often, it is at my own expense. I don't know why. I will make a joke and then use it as a chance to make fun of myself for being stupid, fat, ugly, slow, whatever.

I will screw something up and the first thing out of my mouth is, "Well, you know how fcking retarded i am!"

Or, "Look at these pants. Seriously, i look like a blimp. I should write Goodyear on the butt."

Or, "I need how much money for that? Well, i'd better start hooking now, you know im only good for about a quarter a throw."

Im trying to not say these things. It is like it sometimes is out of my mouth before i can stop it.

Does anyone else put theirself down all the time? Do you make a joke out of everything, while you are crying on the inside?

Or is it just me?

[HolyAlchemyzt]

im the same way except i feel like dying

in fact i cant even make myself laugh, i don't find anything funny, I haven't had a real life in years

im planning on starting a juice fast because i also hate the way I look, I figure I will suffer for a while but the end result will
be a thinner me

I don't even get ADHD medication, instead they give me stuff that doesn't work at all - wellbutrin and seroquel

They help nothing with insomnia or depression or concentration

I feel like **** 24/7

you shouldnt feel bad though

thats cause i think bigger girls are hot

[Beekeeper]

I feel you. I do the exact same thing, you just sound like you are more quick witted than I am. It's either laugh at it or cry. I'm sick of crying.

Recently at an association meeting (of which I am an officer), I made a mistake trying to figure dates in front of the entire membership...one of the other officers shouted, "What, are you blonde or something?" She's a joker, she meant it in a good natured way, we all rib each other. I am blonde, so I made a big show of looking offended, looking at my hair and then acting surprised and mortified. It got a lot of laughs. That's the norm in social situations.

I play it off like I'm just goofy most of the time. Close friends and my husband get to actually see the frustration though, since they understand.

[mctavish23]

I thrive on this.

For whatever reason, I have a natural tendency towards the humorous.

What I often say to my clients and their families, is that you have to learn

how to laugh at yourself first and foremost.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

[Conman]

i sometimes make jokes about myself. like if somebody does something stupid i say "who do you think you are? me?", or if i eat something that tastes really really really good id say "wow it's like sex except i'm having it!"

[salleh]

ah Joker Girl .....while self deprecating humor is one thing ....saying that kind of harsh negative stuff about yourself is quite another .....I don't think deserve to have ANYONE and that includes you say things like that about yourself ......

you can laugh at yourself without being so harsh .....or perhaps learn to pull a wry face and shrug, putting your hands up around your shoulders ......without actually saying anything .....


....people learn to think of you the way they hear of you ...and you're not doing yourself any favors by talking like that .....

you are a dear, caring, loving, put your money where your mouth is, friend to many people .......that is what I think of you ......and perhaps it's time you learn to recognize your many admirable traits......

you don't have to brag about them .....that would be too big a switch ......but neither do you have to put yourself down either ....


in our cheezfrends group, you have to put a pretend dime in when you say something bad about yourself ......maybe you should put a real quarter in a piggy bank when you say megative things about yourself .....

and go on a $100 shopping spree when you fill it up ...it sounds like you have some great ideas about how to spend $100 !.

[Fuzzy12]

My sense of humour is very self depreciating as well. I never realised that this wasn't common till a few people pointed it out to me. I think, it's a form of self defense. Maybe I think that if people realise that I don't take myself too seriously, can laugh about my flaws and more importantly, am aware of my flaws, they are less likely to criticise me.

People, in this case, would include me. Like others have said sometimes it's a choice of laughing or crying. If I can laugh and not take myself too seriously then surely things can't hurt me too much, right? I mean, it takes the edge of things that would otherwise make me miserable.

Another point is that it's safer making fun of myself rather than others. I get the laughs and lighten the mood without the risk of hurting or offending anyone.

But, humour or not, I have a tendency to put myself down. There is a constant monologue going on in my head telling me how inadequate, useless and flawed I am. I try to be more positive about myself, but I rarely believe it. It's much easier believing crap about myself.

[Raye]

((Joker))

I can truly say I feel for you. But you forgot to mention how incredibly intelligent you are. Your posts and or threads are always so well written and to the point, your advice is always awesome and believe it or not, you and Sarah are the 2 I look up to most on this forum.

My biggest saying about myself is ' you know I'm an idiot!'..but I'm not joking and people know it.

I'm def. not gonna tell you what you are feeling is wrong, but I don't believe any of those things you mention about yourself.

[salleh]

Fuzzy that's exactly what I am talking about ......that inner voice telling you just how horrible you are ...( and this goes for any of us ) .....is


WRONG WRONG WRONG ...........


....we all make mistakes , we're human ...but we're not superhuman .....we are allowed to make mistakes......

no one is perfect, and if they were, would YOU like to be friends with them ......I din't think so .....no one likes that person who SEEMS to be perfect when you're looking at them .....

....any more that you would want to live in a perfect house .....everything all designer and spotless and sterile .....do those kind of houses seem like HOMES ????? of course not .....they look good on paper, but as to actually living in one of them ..... no thanks.....


....It's often our faults that that endear us to people .....unless of course you're an anger junkie ...those folks are not pleasant to be around .....but someone who is easy with themselves, is easy with others .....if you judge yourself harshly, and show that .....sooner of later, people might very well think you think that about them .....


.....Ihope I am making myself clear here ......so many of the lovely people on this forum are so hard on themselves .....yah, we have a brain disorder that makes life varying degrees of harder for us ....but it's the technicalities that we tend to screw up most on ....


and that makes us feel unsure of ourselves, we perceive that others judge us and find us wanting ....and that sends us into hiding ...and feelings of inadequacy....and there before younknowit ....social problems .....


......Now there are many wonderful things about each and every one of us ...and as I have been around for a while now.....I find that pretty much everyone who sticks around ./...and I get to know, are valuable people ......

sure, the ADHD is a nasty problem ....but the person we most often hurt is ourselves ...and having ADD doesn't stop you from caring about others, about loving critters, about deserving to be loved,....doesn't stop you from being creative ( although it might stop or slow you down from actually doing something about it) it doesn't stop you from enjoying and appreciating nature, or music, or a beautiful day .....

and mostly it doesn't stop you from having a good heart .....and I don't give a good GD how organized a person is, or how effecient, or how they never forget something .....or how perfect their home looks, or how important a job they have or how much money they make .....


none of that is worth spit if you don't have a good heart .....you can't buy one or organize one, or make one up in the shop .....


you have to have one, and you do that by caring and reaching out to others ....


and ALL of us here do that .....


I don't like it when someone speaks disparagingly about people I care about, those words hurt .... .....even if it the person speaking of themselves .....

[hanikamiya]

I used to.

If I'm the first one to laugh, it means other people will laugh with me, not at me.


But ... there's a not so fine line between laughing at yourself because you're embarrassed of what you did, and laughing at yourself because you're embarrassed of who you are.

People notice.

And when they notice that I loathe myself, I make myself a bad prospect for friendship, and an easy victim for other things.


So basically, I turned around the rules of the game and started joking about how great I was. And people suddenly started believing that I had good self esteem, at least concerning certain parts of my life.

It was hard. But since I stopped actively putting myself down in front of other people, and apologizing for my mere existence even though I felt like it, I've grown to accept myself somewhat. Sometimes I think the face in the mirror isn't that bad. (Now I just believe that my facial expressions are goofy and ugly. xD; )
And even now, even though I feel like ****, I do remember that there are days when I don't.




So, it's a game. Being able to joke about things you can't talk about is already the first step to winning. Now, the next step is to change some of the jokes, so that they are still funny to you and people around you, but don't put you down.


Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But when it does, it's a great feeling. I really like humour that doesn't need to put down anyone, that surprises and delights.

Categorical statements use clichés. Clichés are boring, and they reinforce the clichéd beliefs in our brains. So, I avoid categorical statements - I couldn't because I knew they're bad for me, but I can because I decided they're not actually funny. It's not funny to say I'm an idiot, when you already expect me to react by saying that I'm an idiot.

It can be funny to say "Oh, that's because I'm so much of a genius that I'm closing down on idiocy from the other side."


It can be funny to blame the moon constellation with Jupiter in the second house or anything really obscure, when people know you aren't superstitious.


I also use "Oh I just wanted to see if you'd notice" with an exaggerated 'innocent' look and maybe followed up with "... well, maybe I didn't, maybe I actually screwed up ..." and a 'bashful' look.


Sometimes, stating the obvious is also good. Like, when you screw up and are really annoyed at yourself, to say: "Oops. I think this didn't go like I wanted it to." with a really surprised look on your face.
It's the truth. It doesn't put yourself down. It relieves your urge to comment on your mistake, and to fend off negative comments from others. And it can make others laugh because they don't expect it, and because it's refreshingly honest.
Like, follow ups are more likely to be like "Could have told you that from the start." or "Wow, quick to notice!" than "You're so damn stupid!" ... and those one can reply to with "Well, I guess I needed to make the experience myself "


Or understatements/ironic comments with a stoic face and one raised eyebow. "I guess they made the pants in my size, but they can't make the look in my size?"
(But ... I stopped joking about my looks and weight, because those tend to end up ... messy.)


Remember, it's a game to come up with as many new and unique ways to make fun of screwing up and feeling uncomfortable in a situation as possible, without putting anyone down. And people laughing means you've scored another goal. (People looking at me with a really weird expression means double score for me. =D )


... and if your self esteem/self image also happens to improve over time because of this game, well, that wouldn't really hurt. But that's not the immediate aim, the immediate aim is to have fun and make people laugh without feeling hurt. And that can be quite a challenge!

[Danteloogi]

In a way yes, but I don't take offense to it. I learned at an early age to laugh at myself and not take things too personally. My problem is that I also do that to other people who take things too personally.

Learning to laugh at yourself and make light of certain situations has been the best thing for me. I've had people call me names or say something mean to me in school and I'd just hit them back with a witty agreement and sometimes a small insult back. Its worked wonders for me

[Jynical]

Originally Posted by hanikamiya

If I'm the first one to laugh, it means other people will laugh with me, not at me.

Bingo.

I use humor as a way to diffuse a potentially mortifying moment for me.

Some things that I say, however, aren't about being self-deprecating as much as it is being aware, or bringing awareness to things people don't like to talk about.

Story time: When I went to test drive a car, I got in...and the salesdude got in...the SalesDude is really tall...so he sits down and I say..."Hey! That's a great sign!" he asks me what...and I reply with... "Well, you're tall, I'm fat...and we both fit in the car... great sign!"

He didn't know how to respond... I reassured him that it was ok to laugh. Because it was funny. And true. I'm fat. No shame in my game.

Anyway. I use humor as a suit of armor. The line needs to be drawn at tearing yourself down. We teach other people how to treat us.

Treat yourself the way you would like to be treated. <3

[Conman]

for the record, i dont think of self-depricating jokes (of myself anyway) are that bad since for me to be an actual comedian/class clown i have to be able to laugh at myself

[tudorose]

In Australia it's kind of the national culture. If you can't take the p!ss out of yourself it's perceived that you have no sense of humour.

[addcolin]

I used to say "Don't worry things could be worse, so (I, He She It, as appropriate) stopped worrying, and things got worse"
I stopped now, b/c I found that people laughed at it, but it started making me see in more and more negative way. On the other hand a saying " If you do what you must do, then you may do what you like" made me so OCD, but more 'balanced'.
So, be careful how you talk to others, you are also listening...