Constant Refinement: writing strength but speaking weakness

[starvinmarv]

Believe it or not (for those who have seen some of my rants <_<), but I'm actually a pretty good writer, academically and otherwise. I'm also talking about more practical things, such as sending really well crafted e-mails or just phrasing things in all the right ways. This is all even before diagnosis and adderall. Many times, the entire process occurs very quickly and is marked by refinement, rewording, rewriting, edits, refinement, over and over again, eliminating weakness and disingenuous tones.

Casually speaking with friends, family and peers are as normal as everyone else. But when it comes to talking aloud to others and explaining a point of view, perspective, and/or argument...the entire process sort of blows up in my face. Worst of all it, I feel that it comes off as uncertainty which is exactly what I try to prevent.

Even while I am making a point and/or are in the middle of a sentence, I'm subconsciously second-guessing and thinking of an even better way to say what I'm already currently saying. This does not translate well at all into speaking and I often stumble. It's almost a pointless kind of indecisiveness that defeats the purpose of the interaction.

Obviously this is circumvented by memorizing and/or preparing lines beforehand. But it's not always practical. Speaking effectively on the fly is also something that I desperately want to master. I feel I've missed out on at least one job opportunity because of this happening during a very comprehensive interview.

Does anyone else even do this? It's such a dumb problem. I know its better to be able to clearly convey a "B+" idea than to half-*** deliver something that would be technically better. I don't even know when this started happening. It very well could be the medication...I'll have to try presenting or interviewing without it and see.

[LaMbaL]

Same problem here, Im great in writing but terrible in speech. I stumble over my own words, and everything comes out retarded. Its like I cant think about what I want to say and say it at the same time, and I feel it has gotten worse with the years; in fact, I have even developed an occasional mild stutter when I talk while trying to think.

Its highly annoying, and I dont know how to fix it. I hate sounding so dumb in speech, even though I can be so articulate if given the time to formulate my thoughts properly.

[starvinmarv]

If I had the chance, I'd rewrite my opening post with exactly what you've just written.

[MX2012]

Practice, practice, practice, find some standard phrases to use as responses.
This will give you a few moments to gather your thoughts.
Also, restate the question or ask a question in response again to change the focus to others and to give you more time to formulate a response.

[Assumption]

I get the same thing, but actually, my writing is pretty slow if I'm writing something important.

[EnergizerJen]

I have to be careful not to over think it when I'm redrafting an email or school post. Sometimes, for me, trying to make it better only makes it worse.

[Verile]

Same as you, TC. Much better writer than I am speaker. It's all about having that extra time to think and edit. It's why I vastly prefer texting to phone calls. I've actually surprised people because after having interacted with me they could scarcely believe I was capable of writing something coherent.

If I'm going some place where I know I'll have to do a lot of speaking I usually play out likely scenarios and plan out how the conversations will go so I can prepare my thoughts and phrases ahead of time. When it doesn't go according to plan I'm at a loss. Sound familiar?

[sarek]

Speaking is so much harder than writing. I can say something or I can think about what I want to say but doing both at the same time is too much for my one track mind.

The only real answer, if you are really bent on improving this, is to quite simply force yourself to practice a lot. I know, that can be either scary and/or make you tired in a hurry.

[sprite4]

Originally Posted by starvinmarv

Casually speaking with friends, family and peers are as normal as everyone else. But when it comes to talking aloud to others and explaining a point of view, perspective, and/or argument...the entire process sort of blows up in my face. Worst of all it, I feel that it comes off as uncertainty which is exactly what I try to prevent.

Even while I am making a point and/or are in the middle of a sentence, I'm subconsciously second-guessing and thinking of an even better way to say what I'm already currently saying. This does not translate well at all into speaking and I often stumble. It's almost a pointless kind of indecisiveness that defeats the purpose of the interaction.

Spot on to me my friend! Hand me 4-5 page paper to write..I'll have it done in 1-2 hours (editing and all.) Have me attempt to offer my input verbally on the smallest of things...it may cause great distress with the second guessing; is there a better way to say this, am I saying it correctly, what word did I want to use, WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS!!! Haha it's a vicious circle...I think this is what actually causes me to become anxious in certain social situations. I can't get my mind to focus on exactly what I want to say. I can rehearse rehearse rehearse ahead of time...then when it's actually time to put it into play...it comes out as something completely and utterly different. I often find myself (and I'm sure you will attest to this) walking away from the situation saying, "why did I say that, or could I have said something better." I would say 99.9% of the time I know what I want to say, however, it never comes out the way I want it to. So frustrating. If diagnosed with ADD, I'm hoping the medication will help me focus and slow things down up there in the "control center." I heard the medication has an adverse calming affect if you do in fact have the ADD/ADHD. This would then give me a better chance to articulate what I'm trying to say.

Great post by the way. I'm sure there's a lot more people who have the same issue. Keep the posts coming guys and gals!