I hate that I think I am so great

[Kimmyc]

I am wondering if ADHD has contributed to me to thinking I am so important. Don't get me wrong, I have a number of things about myself I dislike (mainly the traits that come with ADD), but the one thing I hate most is that I blurt crap out of my mouth that makes me sound narcissistic. I don't really know if I believe I like myself so much, or that I have to prove to others that I do. Does that even make sense? I now know that the blurting out habit is due in part to my ADD, but why do I have to always be right and act like I am "better" then everyone else?

Now, I know that self confidence is a healthy thing, but is that really what I have? If I was so confident then why do I need to prove to others how great I am? I feel that I talk myself up too much, and I can really put on a good show if I think people are impressed with me. Its only in hindsight that I realize I must have sounded conceited.

Anyone else feel this way?

ps. Thanks to everyone for allowing me to be honest!

[LaMbaL]

I cant really relate to how youre feeling, since I actually am better than everyone else. Not that I have much to show for it, but still... I mean its obvious right?

I have gotten more humble though. These days I accept that Im just an idiot, however everyone else is an even bigger idiot than I am!

[Flia]

I don't know if it has anything to do with ADHD.
I know some with Aspergers have a tendency to think their way is the only way.

I have both, and I definitely have the same tendencies to think I'm better than anyone else. At the same time I don't think I'm worth loving so I'm not sure I can be called narcissistic.
With age I've learned not to air this opinion, it's only in my head nowadays.

[EnergizerJen]

Perhaps it is a coping mechanism?

If everyone thinks you are so wonderful because they can't get past your words, then maybe they won't see the faults...?

Sometimes I over compensate for my short-comings by making sure all anyone sees is the good....

Then when I'm by myself it is quite a struggle to deal with my problems because I am the only one who knows.

Shot in the dark.. I could be wrong.

Nevermind the reason, Positive self talk to you and others is a great trait to have. You will always listen to yourself more than you do anyone else, by being positive it helps keep you moving in a positive direction.

Who cares what anyone thinks anyway...
In the end, you are the one who has to live with what you say and do..

[Is_this_right?]

Just found this forum (after googling for for advice, wisdom) and your post has really struck a chord with me.

I seem to have this effortless ability to make myself sound great and I really get on peoples nerves. I don't know if it's because I'm so enthusiastic/excited with my achievements, or that I am bragging about the things I know or can do (Not on purpose). I'm struggling with this at the moment as I see "normal" people talk about their experiences (I'm a mature university student) yet they don't seem to get flamed like I do. I'm not told to my face, but have heard little comments that I find upsetting.

I am proud of my achievements, I've worked so hard to get where I am. I just hate that I seem to blurt out my comparative experiences when engaged in conversation. I see others do it, however, I don't seem to have mastered the technique of engaging in a mutal conversation without making it all about me

[Hatiki]

I know what you mean, Kimmyc. I don't seem to have the skill of saying some stuff that means the same thing as what others are saying... ok, that was articulate..

Try again...... i have the attitude that I'm good at some things and crap at others but it doesn't matter cos everyones the same... so I blurt out stuff (both good and bad) and shock the living **** out of the people I'm talking to. Which in turn surprises me...

I'm a mature age student like "Is this right".... the youngsters seem particularly appalled at my moments of social ineptitude! Bum.... I just remembered.... they did when I was young, too...

Sorry, Kimmy, not that helpful really. My best strategy is not worrying about others opinions..... which I guess is still arrogant in its own special way

[Hatiki]

Oh. the point was.... (I forgot it halfway through).... Its the way I say things... the lack of .... prettinesses? modest language?.. i don't know

It causes a reaction i don't expect... good or bad.... so its like "think quick" (HAH) leading to further blurting....then the situation is sort of scary and out of control.....anxious blurting.....meanwhile i think I'm sounding like a bigger n bigger knob....

It could also be its not as bad as we think...... hard to tell

[DvlsAdv0c8]

Originally Posted by Kimmyc

I now know that the blurting out habit is due in part to my ADD, but why do I have to always be right and act like I am "better" then everyone else?... Its only in hindsight that I realize I must have sounded conceited.

I think I know what you are trying to say. Thinking back, I notice that I have a tendency to inject my opinions (sometimes extreme) or knowledge (i will admit, not always correct) into conversations without thinking that the other person may not care or need to hear it. It always comes out sounding conceited or like I am some kind of know-it-all (at least in my own hindsight), and I feel bad afterward because that was not my intention. I am bad about correcting people, too (and of course, I am always cutting people off to do it before I forget).

When I know my facts are correct and theirs are not, my intention is NEVER to make them feel stupid and wrong, just to give them the correct information. But it always comes out that way. Bad delivery on my part, I guess.

Of course, it bothers me when people misunderstand my intentions, which happens often. Then I feel like it's too awkward to try to explain, because they have already decided I am a snob and not worth it anyway.

[ginniebean]

I can't relate, it does sound more like a borderline PD trait tho.

[Ocyan]

@ Ms. Bean - really ? Why ?

@ OP - I so can relate to you. I do it 70% of the time. Out of pure discomfort though. I'm so easily afraid of rejection of the opposite person, instinctively I start talking me into heaven, which can obviously lead to a very narcissistic idea for the other. It only are the relaxed moments that I rationalize it all away...

ON a different forum they call it The Compensatory Narcissist


The compensatory variant essentially captures the psychoanalytic understanding of the narcissistic personality (discussed in a later section of this chapter). The early experiences of compensating narcissists are not too dissimilar to those of the avoidant and negativistic personalities. All have suffered “wounds” early in life. Rather than collapse under the weight of inferiority and retreat from public view, like the avoidant, or vacillate between loyalty and anger, like the negativist, however, the compensating narcissist develops an illusion of superiority. Life thus becomes a search to fulfill aspirations of status, recognition, and prestige. Every small certificate and plaque the individual has ever received may be displayed on the office wall, for example. At other times, they may bore others while they present a complete biography of their most minuscule successes and achievements.

Like avoidant personalities, compensating narcissists are exceedingly sensitive to the reactions of others, noting every critical judgment and feeling slighted by every sign of disapproval. Unlike avoidants, however, they seek to conceal their deep sense of deficiency from others and from themselves by creating a façade of superiority. Though they often have a degree of insight into their functioning, they nevertheless indulge themselves in grandiose fantasies of personal glory and achievement. Some procrastinate in doing anything effective in the real world for fear of evaluation. Instead of living their own lives, they often pursue the leading role in a false and imaginary theater unrelated to the real world. When threatened with reality, they may defend themselves by becoming more and more arrogant and dismissive until the offending stimulus withdraws. If reality overturns their illusion completely, compensating narcissists may retreat more and more into an imaginary world of others who recognize their supposed accomplishments.

[ginniebean]

Why, because borderline does tend to vacilate between an inflated form of ego and then self loathing/guilt/shame.

ADHD tends to bring out low self esteem but not inflated self esteem.

[AnnaVerdi]

I kinda do the same thing, but in a different way. I kinda make it sarcastic, but this may sound silly, but I kinda know I'm a cool person. As conceited as that sounds... but when something makes me feel good about myself, and I want to share, I will be honest and be like, wow, this makes me feel good. For instance, the other day I made a status update on facebook that I was having a really bad day, and that I could really use some friends to talk to. Within minutes, my phone and my facebook chat was flooded with texts and messages asking if I am ok, and my friends were texting me asking me I wanted to go out, and get things off my mind... I later told my boyfriend that I really felt good that I have so many great friends that truly care about me. I didn't feel like it sounded like I was high on myself, I truly felt special. I don't know if it's the same thing...

[LezliDax]

I know exactly what you mean, but I have the paradox that I will simultaniously think I am a rare highly intelligent evolved human and yet have such great self doubt that I spiral into depression.

[eh+dub]

Originally Posted by Kimmyc

Anyone else feel this way?

YES! I do. The only thing I can think of that might tie my ADHD to my narcissisism is that ADHD causes me to be quite an extrovert. I am social, i'm always talking, this makes me a very "popular" person in life. Boys have noticed me early, girls wanted to be my friend early.
In my professional life, when I am into my job (as short-lived as that may be) I am great at my job. I work hard, I succeed. I get praise, raises, etc.
I get bored with my hair, so I change it, it gets pretty flashy sometimes, this attracts attention.
Basically I get attention, and have since I was a child. This has definitely increased my self-esteem, perhaps a little towards the conceited way.

Of course we all know of the self-doubt and self-loathing that comes along with failures due to ADHD. Lost opportunities, regrets, etc. Needless to say I am brought off my "high horse" often. Many times those friends that were attracted to me end up disliking me because I am too honest. (Or become jealous of that attention, but thats an entirely different story)
With every new job comes a new ladder to climb.
.. you get the idea.

Tis a strange ride.

[SquarePeg]