I feel like a total failure... (can I vent?)

[xmtm3x]

I'm 28 now and I have been in your shoes it took 10 years to get a ba ,,, try to take courses as little as you can in one semester so you can easily manage to get good grades and that will build on ur confidence

[starkiller006]

Originally Posted by selby

I GRADUATED!!!!

It happened in May, and I got a job a month later. I'm a temp, but all signs indicate they're gonna keep me around and I'll be making a respectable salary.. for the first time ever.

Never give up. Ever!

NICE!!! Congrats! I was recently diagnosed with ADD, and I am really wanting to go back to school to finish my B.S. Degree. I am 35 now and I was really doubting myself, thinking that I would fail, and that there is no way I can finish. After reading your post, and your tips, I feel like I am just feeling sorry for myself and I need to get off my (well, you know) and finish my degree! Thanks you so much for this! and congratulations!!

[Blood-Phoenix]

Originally Posted by selby

I am 22 and almost have my Associate's degree. I should have had it two years ago.

I can relate to that. In high school, I could rely on my own pre-existing knowledge and basic intelligence to (as I put it) "bluff and BS" my way through. Once in the more demanding arena of College, I fell progressively farther and farther behind. Eventually, I gave up and dropped out. Just for "one semester" to get my head on straight, since I had no clue what the problem was, and of course blamed myself. Its funny how a semester can turn into a year, and then a decade.

You're 22 now, and worried about being two years behind schedule for your Associates...I understand how that must feel...but hang in there, and try to keep in perspective that it could be SO much worse. You're 22 years old now, and for me it wasn't until 22 years after I dropped out of college that I was diagnosed. I'm actually envious that you have so much life ahead of you, and already have knowledge of ADHD to help you cope with your symptoms, and avoid the trap of blaming yourself for what you can't help or control.

I know, as your title said, you feel like a failure, but you aren't one. I can't tell you the intensity of the emotion that swells up in my chest, choking me and sometimes bringing tears to my eyes when I think of how different my life could have been had I been diagnosed back in High School, instead of spending a lifetime beating myself up for all these years of my "failures",
all of the times I let people down or screwed up a job or a relationship, or squandered opportunities because of what I saw as flaws in my character.
And if I ever doubted it, I had the endless chorus of people in my life telling me what a space cadet I was, or how lazy I was, or how I didn't care enough or try hard enough.

Originally Posted by selby

- I feel too old to go to college now and am scared of being failed out of school. It should be noted that I take online classes. If I ever advance, I'll have to go to school in person. Everyone will be younger than me. I will be very embarrassed and more of a failure.

Selby, I'm sure you look young enough to blend in with your classmates.
And I sincerely hope you don't believe it would be too embarrassing for a person 2 years older, or that they would be too out of place, because that would mean a man in his 40s would have to give up all hope that he might someday be able to go back (on medication this time) and try to recapture his lost potential and abandoned dreams!

Originally Posted by selby

I cannot tell anyone at school about my ADHD because I've had some teachers for a long time and I've given them so many excuses. They will see ADHD as a lie and another dumb excuse.

I will echo what others said. Tell them your earlier excuses were attempts to cover for the fact that you didn't want to admit you have ADHD. If they are educators worthy of their positions, they will be at least aware of the challenges you face, and will respond with understanding. But even if they don't, know that you also should be able to get assistance from the Administration of the school - there should be an office that assists students with disabilities. I know, you might be like the many people out there who don't want to think of it that way. But I have a step-son who gets extra time to take exams because he has dyslexia. Is that condition somehow more valid or deserving of consideration than one that affects your ability to concentrate or find the energy to finish your homework?

Originally Posted by selby

Sorry for venting. Maybe someone else has felt this way, but I doubt it. I just like telling this stuff to the forum :P because I feel really frustrated, like I can't take it. I almost want to cry right now

You never have to apologize for venting. Thats one of the main reasons this Forum exists. I feel like I should apologize for NOT venting...because the truth is if I made myself come on here and talk out some of these things when I'm struggling with them, I would probably feel better. And...I would probably not feel so ALONE. Because I'm not, and neither are you.
That feeling of "maybe someone else has felt this way, but I doubt it"...we all have that feeling at times. And without fail, our doubt is misplaced.
The feeling of being so overwhelmed that you feel like you want to cry...
I know it well. And to be honest, one of the things I do when I feel that way? I cry. It can be cathartic. And then I take some deep cleansing breaths, and try to get a handle on things as best I can. But its helped me enormously to learn that there is a name for what I have (and the name isn't INCOMPETENCE!!!) and that many, many amazing intelligent people are having the exact same struggles I am. Never feel alone.

Good luck! And hang in there - you can do it!

[anonymouslyadd]

Originally Posted by selby

I GRADUATED!!!!

It happened in May, and I got a job a month later. I'm a temp, but all signs indicate they're gonna keep me around and I'll be making a respectable salary.. for the first time ever.

Never give up. Ever!

Applause for you! Thank you for updating us.

[Blood-Phoenix]

DOH!

I was so focused on the content, I completely overlooked the dates!
And here I was trying to inspire and encourage someone who it turns out, is an inspiration and role-model for me!!!

Great work, Selby! Congratulations! I wish you every success.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by Blood-Phoenix

DOH!

I was so focused on the content, I completely overlooked the dates!
And here I was trying to inspire and encourage someone who it turns out, is an inspiration and role-model for me!!!

Great work, Selby! Congratulations! I wish you every success.

Others who view this thread with the same frustrations will appreciate your help.

[Fuzzy12]

great news. Thanks for the update. It really interesting to see your progress over the years. Hugs!

[gatorADDe]

I have this problem too. The anxiety of tasks that I know are going to be hard to tackle make me avert my attention to something less stressful. You should try asking your doctor for an evening IR dose if you feel like your medication isn't working into the evening.

[MX2012]

Selby, do what you love, knowledge and education will follow..