My husband doesn't want too....

[Liuka2012]

My husband and I are seperated. I did post about him prior. However, this is a seperate issue. I have been trying to give my husband options to spend time with his daughter that we have together. she is 2 years old. He could have had her this whole weekend. That was the plan.

I asked him to watch her. He than texted me back and told me that he can't watch her because he needs the weekend for himself ro relax. He is in a treatment center for depression right now. It's not an alcoholic or addict but for mental illnesses.

He uses this card to get out of watching her. He told me that he will take her monday all day. I told him that I wanted him to take her over night on Sunday,

I found out that he is going out of town this weekend with his family. So I was talking to him trying to get to the point why he wanted the whole weekend to be by himself. When he plans on going to the state fairwith his family to be around a bunch of strangers.

He told me on the phone that I wasn't talking right and that I was acting goofy. My mom heard the entire conversation and she said I was talking absolutely fine. My husband pulls the card on me and constantly tells me that without him I basically could not exsist. He also tells me that I am emotionally unstable. Which I am not.

I can tell the difference between right and wrong. Etc..Just because I have adult Add doesn't make me totally incompetant.

So I told him today that he is not going to take her at all. I told him that he just can't take our daughter at his whim whenever he wants too.

Last wednesday he was suppose to have her again. And he told me he had a therapist appt. I told him to come back after his appt. to pick up our daughter because I had plans that day.

Well after an hour. He didn't show up to pick her up. I than called him and he told me that he can't pick her up because he wanted to take a nap. I confronted him about this and basically asked him why he didn't have the courtesy too call or even say that he wasn't going to pick her up.

I am so sick of him doing this. So I told him that since he is ill and sick and is in treatment. Maybe it's jus best that he doesn't pick her up until he is done at the end of the month. He didn' say anything after this.

I haven't spoken to him since. I stillam not going to let him have her. He only takes her out of guilt. I am so sick of it.

Also, my step son is crazy and wrote a letter about people he wanted to kill. So I don't even want my daughter around my step son. I am going to the lawyer in a week to get a court restraining order against my husband and my step son.

Any advice on what to do? My husband think's that he is doing nothing wrong. I don't see this. He never watches her. Sometimes I want to go out and I have to watch my daughters. HOWEVER, I absolutely love being with them.

[Liuka2012]

I need to vent again. It feels great to write this down. And also having Adult ADD makes me feel like I am a bad person. My husband always put me down because of it. Even before I was diagnosed. He says that he can use this against me in court to get full custody of my daughter. But, she has been with me ever since she was born. He only takes her like one day a week and that is it. I told him he could have her monday through wednesday. He works eveyr weekend and gets those days off.

I am honestly wondering if there is something wrong with him? I also should not feel ashamed of having Adult Add. I feel again bittersweet about being diagnosed. But, I have not missed any doctor appointments. He is only doing the treatment to make himself look better.Because, I know how my husband works.

[CheekyMonkey]

Reading this, I would the HE is the one with the issues. Seriously.

I don't know your history, but it seems like you are torn between trying to make sure your daughter has a relationship with her dad and protecting her from a father who is inconsistent and abusive.

I know what choice I'd make. It is a hard position to be in.

[hockeyguy]

I don't have any advice for you but it sounds to me like he is the bad person here. You don't let your ADD be an excuse for anything so why should he use his depression to make excuses? ADD does not make a person bad. Just remember, your daughter is the most important thing in all of this. You must make the right decisions for her.

[Lisa_Mac]

You sound like a very good mother to me, based on what you've written. But do you really want to leave your 2 year old who needs constant supervision, with a man who is so obviously incompetent (my opinion based on what you've written) and unwilling.

And the stepson issue? Absolutely NO.

It sounds to me like he is manipulating you BIG TIME.

Lx

[Geno]

As someone who's been borderline psychotic depressed (didn't get out of bed except to eat and use the bathroom for weeks, unresponsive to anyone), I can say depression can really make somebody do stupid and insane s**t they'd never do normally. So if it's that bad I think it can be used as an excuse.

[sarahsweets]

Do not let your daughter be with him unsupervised. His lack of regard for her now could end up being lack of regard for her there and then she could be hurt.

[ToneTone]

Seriously depressed people can be dangerous, to others and to themselves. When he says he can't handle it, I know you may get mad, but trust me, there are some seriously twisted thoughts and urges that go through the minds of depressed people. Many depressed people battle with suicidal thoughts and fantasies. In fact, it's always best to assume the depressed person is having far worse thoughts than those they have admitted to.

I remember when I was depressed in college, I was so afraid I was going to jump out of the 6th floor window of my dorm room ... I was half-way ready to give up and end it all. Which made it hard to fall asleep ... Which made the depression worse. When I did get better, I still didn't trust myself ... and I put a chair in front of the window before I went to sleep because I was afraid I would wake u and just hurl myself out ....After all, I had been fantasizing of hurling myself out of the window for months. ...

Now to imagine that I could have had the responsibility to take care of a kid during this time ... totally frightening. The kid and I would have been in danger.

Of course, there could be a dead-beat dad element here. But if you're staying he was in serious depression treatment, then I would really leave him alone during those periods--because your child will only come to harm around him if he's depressed.

This is not fair to you ... for you have all the burden of the parenting. But it sounds like the least worst choice here is to keep him away from the kid. If he at all has an ounce of decency, he will ask for the kid when he's in a better place.

But you still need breaks ... Any other family members who can take the kid for a few days here and there to give you a break?

Good luck ...

Tone

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by Geno

As someone who's been borderline psychotic depressed (didn't get out of bed except to eat and use the bathroom for weeks, unresponsive to anyone), I can say depression can really make somebody do stupid and insane s**t they'd never do normally. So if it's that bad I think it can be used as an excuse.

There are still consequences for behaviors. That child will feel abandoned/hurt regardless of WHY their father was not there for them.

[Fuzzy12]

Originally Posted by ToneTone

Seriously depressed people can be dangerous, to others and to themselves. When he says he can't handle it, I know you may get mad, but trust me, there are some seriously twisted thoughts and urges that go through the minds of depressed people. Many depressed people battle with suicidal thoughts and fantasies. In fact, it's always best to assume the depressed person is having far worse thoughts than those they have admitted to.

I remember when I was depressed in college, I was so afraid I was going to jump out of the 6th floor window of my dorm room ... I was half-way ready to give up and end it all. Which made it hard to fall asleep ... Which made the depression worse. When I did get better, I still didn't trust myself ... and I put a chair in front of the window before I went to sleep because I was afraid I would wake u and just hurl myself out ....After all, I had been fantasizing of hurling myself out of the window for months. ...

Now to imagine that I could have had the responsibility to take care of a kid during this time ... totally frightening. The kid and I would have been in danger.

Of course, there could be a dead-beat dad element here. But if you're staying he was in serious depression treatment, then I would really leave him alone during those periods--because your child will only come to harm around him if he's depressed.

This is not fair to you ... for you have all the burden of the parenting. But it sounds like the least worst choice here is to keep him away from the kid. If he at all has an ounce of decency, he will ask for the kid when he's in a better place.

But you still need breaks ... Any other family members who can take the kid for a few days here and there to give you a break?

Good luck ...

Tone

[RedHairedWitch]

You can't force s father to be a daddy.

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by Geno

As someone who's been borderline psychotic depressed (didn't get out of bed except to eat and use the bathroom for weeks, unresponsive to anyone), I can say depression can really make somebody do stupid and insane s**t they'd never do normally. So if it's that bad I think it can be used as an excuse.

The point was (I think) that the father blames the OP for her mental health issues

but uses his own issues as an excuse. He seems to have a double-standard.

[Rebelyell]

THis makes me sad to hear stuff like this as I know Life is so short in itself let alone being w your family.If I had a child there be nothing better then spending time w them and teaching them wrong an right and seeing what an awesome father I could turn out to be in the end when its all said an done.And then people wonder why some girls/woman have daddy issues when they grow all up,sheesh!

[Liuka2012]

I know. I have decided not to even let him have her until he is done with his treatment. He even told me that he doesn't want to be left alone so that is why he is staying at his parent's house. I just know my husband though. I know that he want's to seek help. But, I also know that he tries to find any excuse to get out of work and to get out of doing his duties.

I have decided to make the decision to move out of my own. I have two months left to go to move my stuff out of my old house. So that gives me plenty of time. I also know that he won't help to lift a finger.

I am also going to get an order of protection for myself and my daughter. Because my step son I found him with the notes about wanting to take revenge on his sibling's freaks me out.

I feel really bad doing this to my husband. But, I also need to protect my two younger daughter's in the process. I don't want my husband to have his daughter if he himself is in danger of becoming suicidal and than set aside the fact that his son want's to take revenge upon his sibling's. My husband just ignores the issue about his stepson.

I am not saying that my husband is not a good guy. He is. He has done a lot and was there for me hen I was in the same program.

Two months after I had my daughter I had post pardom and I was drinking like a fish. On top of that I was taking my pain medication. I got so sick and tired of people that I admitted myself to the hospital.

My doctor told me too. I than was in the program for a month. It was ok. My husband tried to leave me though after I ended up in the hospital. He left me for three weeks. It tore me apart.

Than he decided to stay with me. It's been am on and off game like this for three years. He would get mad. Than want to leave me. Than he'd want to get back together again.

I just got sick of it. The main reason I had the last straw was last july 7th when I caught his son writing these letters and my husband did nothing about it. I wanted my husband to take his son to get help. But, my husband denied anything was wrong.

I just am not going to play games with my two younger kids. I put my daughter first for once. He has never. He has been worried about his son and putting his son above everyone. Even me in the relationship.

It's not about jelousy at all towards my step son. But, I just want respect from my husband. He doesn't listen to me. And pull's the card out telling me that I am emotionally unstable to watch out for my kids. Which is not true.

I am with them 24/7. I even miss them when I have to leave to go to work. (I am at a temp job for now until I find a good one).

I just can't have my husband not watching my daughter or his son. Than my daughter getting hurt by my step son or my husband.

I even found another journal today of my step son drawing a book about some very disturbed body parts. It sickend me. I have to show it to my husband. This is another reason why I am going to get a court order to keep him away from my daughter's and I until I know for sure that my husband is safe and happy. And also that my step son is seeking therapy.

This I am going to do. I am not playing games anymore. Especially with my kids safety.

I also awnt to thank everyone for giving me the opportunity to vent. It feel's so great to get this off my shoulder and to meet people who understand. I don't really have alot of people I can talk too. So it feel's good to get responses back. Even if they are challenging me to think a different way about a situation.

[rickymooston]

Originally Posted by Liuka2012

I need to vent again. It feels great to write this down. And also having Adult ADD makes me feel like I am a bad person. My husband always put me down because of it. Even before I was diagnosed. He says that he can use this against me in court to get full custody of my daughter.

Hi, your husband is full of ****. If you call his bluff, he will be in for a surprise. First of all, he mentioned having thesevdepression issues and used that as an excuse not to take care of the kids. It sounds to me like his health issues are worse than yiurs.

Do you have any record of neglecting the kid? How much time do you spend taking care of them? Are there any witnesses who have seen you behave as a mom?

Having adult ADHD does not make you a bad person but clearly, you have horrible taste in men. I hope the next one is not an ******* like yiur current one

I know here, people sometimes fight to prove ADHD is a problem but dont let ppl take advantage of you by exsgerating it.

Here is my guess. You are a good mom. Given, you have ADHD, i can guess some of your challenges.

I have adult adhd too.