sharing recent pot experience, questions on anxiety

[odsybmx734]

I quit smoking weed everyday a few months ago. My reason, becoming too lazy/depressed, not having a care in the world, and I felt like it was holding me back and I just needed to "grow up". It also was making me feel like a nutcase, but I think that was due to being around people since I only remember it happening around people.


Well last night, while alone, I indulged. I slowly went from my normal anxious, confused, and paranoid state of mind to a much clearer, easier to understand state of mind. I must be wowed by the experience since it has been so long. I would think of something have all the answers for it, but then I started realizing after a while...my answer for everything was "It doesn't matter" I felt like I was back in the middle of my existential experience which I had last year when starting school. I wasn't sure if I was somehow just telling myself this and making it sound logical so I would believe there is nothing to worry about, or over analyze. Everything was clear, and I was at peace. Thoughts that did disturb me a little bit, were quickly deconstructed and analyzed to be important or not worth worrying about at all..

Thinking back I want to assume I have some sort of anxiety issues, possibly caused by Adderall or maybe not. Maybe anxiety is what causes me to think how I do. I question EVERYTHING. I was writing down thoughts as they came into my head earlier, because they were depressing the crap out of me and I felt like I didn't even have a grasp of who I was. I must have been looking out the window when this went through my head "I stare at the sky, see the moon in sea of blue, why does it appear to be in the atmosphere? If it is in space I shouldn't be able to see it during the day ... thats ****ed up. I guess I'm......" the thoughts went on, filling a few more sticky notes before I went on to doing something else.

These thoughts can be smooth and happy, reassuring and logical. OR they can at first be smooth happy, reassuring and logical, and then turn inwards on me. I start questioning everything I know and everything the world claims to know. Sometimes I question myself as a person and try to evaluate my character...am I dumb, and mean, rude and inconsiderate, am I lazy, am i crazy? do I have a.d.d.? or am I schizophrenic, bipolar, depressed OR on the more optimistic side (which I always battle in my mind and try to debunk), Am I gifted, if such a thing exists, am I too smart for my own good.... the thought of me being smart always leads to asking myself....am I one of those really not so intelligent ones who believe they are the next Einstein... I think most of the thoughts center around my behavior and its correlation with everything around me, the world, the natural world I have created in my mind...one of my alternate realities I created by deconstructing everything and trying my best to destroy society, anything based on things like money, god...just everything we know today as life, it all programs us and defines who we are and it is impossible to escape.

^well that's my mind 24/7. Adderall, I do not want to say helps since it can be undesired, yet desired at times. Rather I'll say it allows for thoughts to go further, deeper. Other times it silences them completely, which never lasts long. Pot is the same way, sometimes it is made worse and other times it silences them, but unlike Adderall it leads my thoughts to conclusions and ends them, it ties the loose ends. I feel like I learn a lot but if I don't make a serious mental note or a literal note, I will forget the stunning concepts and realizations that come across while high.

WOW, that is really long..... I am so sorry. I just hope someone reads parts of it at least. I'm not expecting any one type of response. I just felt the need to share my experience, and it would be great to hear about similar experiences, opinions or anything really.

What is your opinion if I may ask, is the at ease and peaceful feeling I get from smoking pot, an indication that I have anxiety which needs attention? OR is it just a deceitful drug side effect giving me artificial relief, producing no logical thought and doing me no good mentally.

I have just been going through confusing times in my mind lately, and expressing myself just about this one thing has already made me feel better.

[CptNemo]

Personally,I think mj should be legal.
It has true rx properties,as you know.
I don't use it because its not legal,and I have an addictive personality.
That said,buspirone and propranolol really really work for me.
I had some vicadin for back pain that I would use occasionally,and the meds I suggested have replaced those quite well.See your doc?

Now...motivation....help !

[Mincan]

It's may not be legal, but it's certainly lawful.

[CptNemo]

Originally Posted by Mincan

It's may not be legal, but it's certainly lawful.

Yes,and its actually lawful (per state laws) where I live (Ca).
My job deals with the guys that make the federal ones though.

If I could only have one or the other...mj or buspar...I would choose buspar.
This is certainly based on my personal needs,and side effects of both.

I know...it shouldn't have to be a choice

[Jshect]

If you had a great experience smoking pot after not doing it for a while, then maybe you should just only allow youself to smoke once every two or three weeks. Sometimes, too much of a good thing can ruin it. And you would do your lungs and your brain cells a favor not to smoke it too regularly. You also got to think about the future and things like lung cancer. If you are having those deep, philosophical thoughts, than maybe you should start reading philosphy books, psychology books, political philosophy, science... start reading things and then every so often write your thoughts and things you've learned down in a computer diary. Start a blog. Try to make your philosophizing constructive rather then going around in circles in your head. And it doesn't really matter how intelligent you are, it just matters that you do something to contribute to society and live a productive life. If you are a good, hard working person than who cares how smart you are.

[Jshect]

There are science websites and books that can tell you about the moon and the atmosphere. If you aren't sure what disorders you have, then go see a counsellor. Make sure they are qualified though. There is a lot of bad counsellors out there. If they have a PhD that is usually a good sign.

[Jshect]

I just googled why you can't see the moon during the day and someone said

You can, sometimes. You can't see the moon because the light from the Sun scattered by our atmosphere blocks the light of the moon (and the stars).

So I guess our star the sun is so close to us that it's light is brighter than the moons reflected light and the light of all of the other billions of stars that are too far away to compete with the sun's brightness.

[CheekyMonkey]

Well, if you are worried about your anxiety it is something to bring up with your pdoc. A lot of us with ADD have comorbid anxiety.

However if you can find a way to ease the anxiety without smoking, that would probably be optimal.

[Sentetsu]

lol lol, I wrote out an extremely long winded post about how I've experienced a similar thing just having gone off the wagon so to speak but proceeded to get distracted but my making my profile more private. I have ADHD-PI, Cyclothemia, and G.A.D. with a specific lack of life skills. MJ mixed with my prescription meds balances me to an incredibly peaceful place. As I do live in Canada I think I may proceed with some important legalizing of my practices as I have a wonderfully understanding medical team and citing recent Californian studies on ADHD treatment with the MJ that were incredibly successful. It would also replace prescription medication I'm incredibly uncomfortable with taking due to it's damaging potential.

I think that MJ is a serious medication and sure be treated with the same respect as any prescription meds you would get such as amphetamines. As someone previously stated, once in a while is an incredibly beneficial experience with it as it makes it more of a.. way to breath for a weekend when you're anxious, cycling and ADHINGing out. I feel my mind almost "unlocked". If this is in violation of the terms of condition for the public forum please let me know and I will remove it. I apologize incredibly as I may be over talking. :S