Non- Surportave spouse

[kreed09]

Hello there!
I have a 4yo son who was just diagnosed with ADHD/impulsiveness. I have started him on meds for his safety. Hubby doesn't believe in ADHD and thinks it's over diagnosed and medicated. I do 90% of the care for the Kids (because of his work schedule) so he doesn't see everything that happens. I made an appointment with a child Psychologist and he was going to come along till he got called into work so I made the decision to put our son on meds by myself.. How do I get hubby to understand? I am at my witt's end.I also have ADD and it is untreated right now..Thank you anyone have any advise???

[chowmix]

replace ADHD with any other condition in your situation and how would you feel? what would you do for your son ? yourself?

can't see, needs glasses
can't breath, needs inhaler
limps, needs leg brace
heart problem, needs surgery
thyroid issue, needs pills

[sarahsweets]

You could ask him to read some literature or...you could ask him if he would rather increase the risk of addiction and risky behavior among children with adhd or lower it.

[Luvmybully]

Ask hubby what he is basing his beliefs on. Any legitimate sources? Or just things he's heard on tv.

Then tell him you want health decisions for your children based on actual REAL facts, verifiable research, and in cooperation with educated Drs and licensed professionals.

[Amtram]

Send him over here. He doesn't have to say anything, just read. (In fact, it's probably better if he doesn't say anything, because some of us get a little defensive when we're told there's nothing wrong with us that a good spanking wouldn't cure. . .)

[LynneC]

Originally Posted by Amtram

Send him over here. He doesn't have to say anything, just read. (In fact, it's probably better if he doesn't say anything, because some of us get a little defensive when we're told there's nothing wrong with us that a good spanking wouldn't cure. . .)

Have him start here.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by Amtram

Send him over here. He doesn't have to say anything, just read. (In fact, it's probably better if he doesn't say anything, because some of us get a little defensive when we're told there's nothing wrong with us that a good spanking wouldn't cure. . .)

A spanking???

"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem."

[Targaryen]

Originally Posted by chowmix

replace ADHD with any other condition in your situation and how would you feel? what would you do for your son ? yourself?

can't see, needs glasses
can't breath, needs inhaler
limps, needs leg brace
heart problem, needs surgery
thyroid issue, needs pills

Great advice. Seeing ADD as a brain problem is very hard for some people. I recently had to use this logic with someone who questioned me being addicted to my ADD medicine.

I said I was dependent on the medicine to live a "normal" life where I could go to work and focus and then come home and read a book if I wanted to similar to this person being dependent to their blood pressure medicine so their bp would not skyrocket and cause them to have headaches and put them at risk for heart attacks and strokes.

I think using real world examples can some times be the best thing since it is easy for people to wrap their minds around it and empathize .

Best of luck.

[kreed09]

Originally Posted by Targaryen

Great advice. Seeing ADD as a brain problem is very hard for some people. I recently had to use this logic with someone who questioned me being addicted to my ADD medicine.

I said I was dependent on the medicine to live a "normal" life where I could go to work and focus and then come home and read a book if I wanted to similar to this person being dependent to their blood pressure medicine so their bp would not skyrocket and cause them to have headaches and put them at risk for heart attacks and strokes.

I think using real world examples can some times be the best thing since it is easy for people to wrap their minds around it and empathize .

Best of luck.

Thank you all I think I will try the real world examples to get him to realize and hopefuly understand. The good thing here is he is willing to give our son his meds not withhold them when I am not here to give it to him.. Baby steps. Now to get him to go to the Behavorial Therepist with us. I have also decided to try another med for my ADD. I had tried stimmulants in the past and had palpatations like crazy so I stopped them. Hopefuly life will be easier if we all feel normal.I am so happy I found this group, I don't feel so alone anymore

[Amtram]

There is plenty of literature about the direct relationship between the structure of the brain and emotion and cognition. I've been going through some emotional and cognitive (and physical) issues because of pressure that has caused some areas of my brain to be actually physically deformed, and there's evidence that in people with ADHD there are physical differences in structures in the brain that perform specific functions that are seen symptomatically in ADHD.

We don't have conclusive evidence yet about causation for ADHD, but the scientific evidence that there are multiple strong correlations between genetics, structural differences in the brain, and neurochemical processing deficiencies is extremely well-supported.

[happytexas]

This article from ADDitude magazine talks about the biology of ADHD
What Is ADHD? Attention Deficit Diagnosis and Treatment Information.

You could also do a more comprehensive evaluation; following ds' diagnosis by a psychiatrist ds had an evaluation at a children's hospital clinic that addresses developmental/behavioral/educational issues. I wanted a more in depth evaluation because ADHD did not explain all his issues (his problems with social reciprocity and pragmatics help tip him into the Asperger's category as well). The hospital eval also included educational testing, which didn't tell us much we didn't already know but was helpful in conveying ds' educational differences to the school (ex. ds is a reading superstar but doesn't absorb auditory instruction well). The hospital eval was very useful overall in dealing with the school, though they still did their own eval which led to ds' IEP. The hospital eval was thorough and my dh was satisfied that we were on the right course.

Maine has "The Barbara Bush Children's Hospital's Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics Clinic" and there may be others in your state/area.
http://www.mmc.org/mmp_spcare.cfm?id=5688

There are also other possible causes of ADHD symptoms (or could worsen ADHD symptoms) like seasonal allergies, food allergies, problems with nutrient absorption, vitamin deficiencies, and lack of quality sleep (in the absence of obvious sleep problems like snoring, a sleep study may be necessary to determine this). So it may help your dh if you follow-up on other possible causes of his symptoms .

But..."ADHD is Over Diagnosed and Over Medicated" is a headline; your dh needs to have a think about why he thinks this diagnosis/medication is not right for your child. Dads have the tendency to think that behavioral issues are 1) character flaws in the child, and 2) parenting flaws on the mother's part; and though there are often more effective parenting techniques for an ADHD child, less than perfect parenting doesn't cause ADHD.

As for the therapist, they might be willing to do an odd hour session to at least get your dh started.