Hello! Its been a while!

[artymom]

When we last left off, my life was going pretty well. Meds spot on, getting along better with the kids, day to day life going great, husband appreciative of all the positive changes. Oh wait, that last part...about the husband? Funny thing when you start seeing things more clearly....and you start trying to make things better - things that maybe you hadnt been dealing with, things you would like to see improve for the health of the marriage. Sometimes the other person doesn't like that you see things more clearly, that you might stop allowing certain behaviors to continue un-noticed. Like how your husband had managed to create an entire social life that didn't include you. Which you fight about. And then when you look at things a bit more closely you find out he had been having an affair with the 25 year old girl who works at the front desk of the hotel he always stays at when he goes to a certain city on business every other week.

A FREAKING AFFAIR. With someone half his age,
Like I would never find out?

My pdoc did make me laugh though, since the affair actually started about the same time I started my meds. "Most people fid their life in shambles BEFORE medication, not after." (it was all very light hearted, I saw him two days after I made husband move out... a bit of levity was needed.)

So I found out veeerrryyyy late the night of Aug 11, and told him to move out.

And its been stressful, and awful, and humiliating, and confusing, and really hard.
And if this had happened before Vyvanse? I shudder to think of where I would be right now. Fetal position on the floor?

What a jack*** . We have two daughters. What was he thinking taking such a huge risk? He became a walking, talking stereotype cliche of what the midlife crisis of a man who travels for work do.

Unacceptable.
Absolutely unacceptable.

But enough about me...what's new with you?

[yellowflowers]

Hi

Don't know you, I'm relatively new here but really sorry to hear whats happened. Feeling angry for you. Stands out in your post your resilience and strength.

<3

[SquarePeg]

Hi artymom, don´t know you but sorry to hear what happened.

Some men feel threatened when their partner becomes more independent or stronger, starts a new job or develop interests outside the home, loses weight and gains confidence. Their power and position in the relationship shifts.

It´s up to you two where you go from here but you seem like you are now a stronger person and better able to cope. Good luck

[Drewbacca]

Not to defend your husband, but cheating doesn't always mean a character flaw. We are human and we make mistakes. If you believe it a pattern of behavior, then it is better to cut him off. If he screwed up and it won't happen again and he's willing to work at it... then it might be worth fighting for your daughters' sake.

Regardless of why it came to this, I'm terribly sorry that you have to go through such an ordeal! Stay strong! *hugs*

[Rebelyell]

Stop making excuses for poor behavior people!Artymom

[artymom]

No excuses for his bad behavior. We were both in this marriage that was having problems - but I didn't feel the need to start dating to make like fun and exciting again.

I am strong. I am very lucky that this didn't happen a year or two ago. I am sure that my growing in strength this past year has made him uncomfortable, I have been challenging some of our behaviors towards each other - especially his creating a social life that doesn't include his wife.

And now that he is in danger of losing everything about us, losing our family, hurting our kids... and with the work of an amazing marriage counselor (and him getting his own counselor to work on some "issues"), we may have a chance of making it through this together. Maybe. It's not a done deal by any means for either one of us. But creating something new together? If we could, it would end up making us stronger as people and as a couple.

(Don't get me wrong - I've already picked out a lawyer if things go that direction... I've met with her and am prepared to make the right decision for me. The right decision for my kids - our kids. It might include him. It might not. It's scary to think that I might have to make a go of this on my own. Financially we have a very nice life together, which added to his arrogance and ego, his sense of entitlement.)

But wish me luck. Either way, I'm gonna need it. And I'm pulling for each and every one of you on these boards too! Every day I hope you are strong, wise, and have moments of happiness.