how does an ugly, socially inept, untalented guy get ladies

[Twiggy]

First of all, you need to feel good about yourself. If you're having a difficult time with it then tell your doctor about it. They can prescribe meds that can help.

Things you could do in the mean time:

* Read more about Buddhism...you'll learn a lot
* Explore new hobbies
* Join clubs at school <---- This is a great way to meet new people that have the same interests as you
* Get into school sports
* Have fun

Don't take girls in high school too seriously...you're only 16 and they're about the same age. You're still kids.

[Dmitri]

Originally Posted by MX2012

Dimtri -- Hey, don't tell Bob Dylan a harmonica is silly. You do know Bob Dylan, right? Plus, you are not ugly, social inept, or untalented. I can tell by your post.

You are socially inexperienced. But, everybody is when they are young. Humor is a wonderful thing. Plus, most of the advice others gave is right on.

I have always observed how women are attracted to musicans, but I would consider another instrument like a guitar or something where you use your hands but leaves you free to talk or sing. That way as you strum, you can converse. Believe me, just learn a few songs. A guitar is alot like a dog. When people take their dogs for a walk, strangers will be friendly and talk to you while they admire your dog. Guitars (etc.) work pretty much the same way.

I taught myself the entire bob Dylan collection haha thanks for your concern

[Lisa_Mac]

Dmitri, as I'm reading this thread I'm laughing my head off because you remind me so much of myself at your age (and older). I also thought I was unattractive, socially inept and untalented. Only difference is I was a girl.

I would have these major crushes on guys but never had the courage to even talk to them, so well done to you for actually talking to her. Sorry she took it the wrong way. Maybe watching how some really socially savvy people interact would help.

When I think about it now I realise how silly my perceptions were, they were also completely wrong. Based on the picture on your posts you're a nice looking guy. Looking back I realise now that I would always concentrate on my negetive attributes and wasn't able to see all the positives. There are plenty of girls out there for you. Just as I found out that there were plenty of guys out there for me.

Plenty of good advice on this thread for you from people who really want to help and are caring. Good luck.

Lx

[Cayenne]

Be careful what you want.
Do you want a relationship with someone who is attracted to someone who is not really you?
Don't let ANYONE or anything tell you who to like, who to look like, who to be.
"You're only pretty as you feel."

[Tmus12]

Just one piece of advice be confident and this has been hinted at many times by other posters. Women/girls love confidence mixed with indifference and being sociable. it's a winning combo. I've never been hit on more in my life then when I'm in a relationship already I accredit that to the fact that I was going home with someone and felt really good about it. Look your young there is plenty of time to pick up women. I know that's not really helpful right now but trust me it gets better.

[Dmitri]

Originally Posted by crystal8080

you didn't do anything wrong. she has to say something like 'leave me alone' or 'i'm not interested' or something like that before she can accuse you of stalking! i don't blame you for being upset. you just liked her and tried to let her know that. i'm sorry you had to find out this way that she doesn't feel the same about you.

if i were you, i would do everything in your power, everything in your being, to make her think you are not affected by her. as much as it hurts, she is the one who made the mistake, not you and i wouldn't give her the satisfaction. maybe she'll realize she made a mistake about you and your intentions.

I can't just pretend I don't care. Just an update the past days been rough. I kinda alienated myself from everyone even my longtime friends. The principal told me not to talk to this girl so I didn't. at the end of our class together which is at the end of the day I shw her staring at me with an unreadable expression. either one of pity or abhorrence. i don't get how the female mind works. i just don't get it. I've basically given up trying to get it because i nevrt will. but i know one thing. no matter how it works I know it doesnt and will never find someone like me the least bit appealing

[Targaryen]

You may not believe it now but things get a lot better after high school. Like others have said focus on interest and passions that YOU like and when it's time for the right girl to come along it will happen.

Also just like you are struggling right now to understand the female mind, its high school, there are females struggling with understanding the male mind. This is something that doesn't end in high school but it does change.

[RedHairedWitch]

The thing you have to keep in mind when dealing with young women is that they don't have any clue what they are doing either. They are just as lost, confused, self conscious etc

When dating as a young person, you have to remember that everyone doesn't know what they are doing, doesn't really know what they like or want and is going to mess up constantly.

Girls just mess up and show being nervous and clueless differently.

[Dmitri]

What you guys are saying makes complete logical sense. you guys know a lot more about this stuff so I know the advice is legit. so how come I still don't feel better. at all

[Bob-ADHD]

Mate, I'm 17 and I've realised that as I've ascociated more with girls, I've just come to accept that they are frustrating and often finicky. I don't really try to understand women anymore, I just let what I see and experience sink in.
Don't get too hung up on this girl, there'll be a lot of other great girls out there. The weird ones like us are hard to find, but when you find them, it's worth it.

[Marspider]

Be careful about your body language as well, don't crowd people in or they will feel threatened. And watch out for language that she doesn't really feel like talking. If you speak to her, give her space.

YOu are alright, just chill.
I didn't date anyone till I was out of high school not because I didn't want to but because they didn't want to date me. :-D. So expand your horizons, you never know who digs you.

There are lots of women who considered 'undateable'. Try talking to them.

[BR549]

Originally Posted by Dmitri

I tried talking to her a few times and had chats with her in the hallway and she complained to the principal that I was stalking her... the principal was a cool guy and knew that wasn't the case but still. im ******* done with people. if you're shy and awkward you're weird. if you try to be outgoing you're a creep what the **** do People want from me? Im tucking done trying ****s not worth it thanks for tryin to help bit its all ****in hapless

I realize we don't know this girl. But I hope you will keep in mind many of us responding to you ARE women. We were this age once. Some of us did similar things to guys

No matter how much you like her or find her to be wonderful (and she may truly be a fantastic person), bottom line is what she did was not cool. She knew that you liked her. She could have easily talked to you and told you she wasn't interested. Instead, she went to the principal and said you were stalking her. Yes, she is young and immature, but she shouldn't have done that. That was mean-spirited and totally unnecessary. In her defense, she probably didn't know how to handle the situation.

Originally Posted by Dmitri

She doesnt suck shes a great girl when you look at it through her perspective- an ugly weird talkinguyen to her you can't blame her. It just proves my point. female gender despises Me

Dmitri--again, I WAS a teenage girl. What she did sucked. It was hurtful and hateful and unnecessary. I don't know her so I'm not saying SHE sucks. I'm saying that her actions sucked. It doesn't matter if you looked like Quasimoto. She could have handled the situation differently. Hopefully, she will learn how to deal with this type of attention in the future and won't be so callous.

There is NO way you can look at this through her perspective though. Don't make assumptions on her perspective based on how YOU feel about yourself. I can assure you that the female gender does not despise you. That said, I CAN say that I'm sure most of us here have at one time felt the exact same way you do right now. This is one girl who handled the situation poorly. While it makes you feel rotten, it doesn't mean she despises you or that all females despise you. I promise that isn't the case.

There are some girls who don't like a lot of attention. It makes them feel uncomfortable and self conscious. I don't know anything about this girl, but if this is the case and how she feels, she needs to learn how to manage. She will, too.

Learning how to interact with the opposite sex isn't something that happens overnight. Sure, there are *some* guys and gals who seem to instinctively know what to do or say. The rest of us have had to go through what you are going through right now

Originally Posted by Dmitri

What you guys are saying makes complete logical sense. you guys know a lot more about this stuff so I know the advice is legit. so how come I still don't feel better. at all

Sadly, we all have to go through painful experiences like these. They are def. not the "fun" part of being a teenager and growing up. I see these experiences are a training ground for future interaction with the opposite sex. The same goes for her. It's trial and error and it sucks. It DOES get easier and less painful as you get older and are exposed to more experiences like this. I know--I HATED when people said that to me--but it's true

Bottom line is it doesn't matter what you look like--and FWIW you are not ugly. As far as the opposite sex goes, be yourself. Confidence goes a long way. Not cockiness, but confidence. Be sure of who you are and don't really worrying about what others think. Don't try too hard or try to be something that you aren't. Learn an instrument for YOU, not to woo or win over girls. It's not talent or looks or social aptitude that makes you attractive to the opposite sex. It's your being comfortable with being YOU.

Looks will only go so far. If you have the personality of a box of rocks, looks aren't going to do a whole lot for you in the long-run. Besides, funny, nice and confident trumps cute any day.

[mctavish23]

Okay, here's the generic deal.

Adolescent girls are WAY MEANER than adolescent boys.

Like we can punch each other out, and then still be friend's in the next week or two.

But girls do all this BFF, soap opera, rumors, and back stabbing "drama," that we would

NEVER do. It takes too long, and it's too weird and boring.

Good Luck.

mctavish23

(Robert)

[crystal8080]

Originally Posted by BR549

I realize we don't know this girl. But I hope you will keep in mind many of us responding to you ARE women. We were this age once. Some of us did similar things to guys

No matter how much you like her or find her to be wonderful (and she may truly be a fantastic person), bottom line is what she did was not cool. She knew that you liked her. She could have easily talked to you and told you she wasn't interested. Instead, she went to the principal and said you were stalking her. Yes, she is young and immature, but she shouldn't have done that. That was mean-spirited and totally unnecessary. In her defense, she probably didn't know how to handle the situation.



Dmitri--again, I WAS a teenage girl. What she did sucked. It was hurtful and hateful and unnecessary. I don't know her so I'm not saying SHE sucks. I'm saying that her actions sucked. It doesn't matter if you looked like Quasimoto. She could have handled the situation differently. Hopefully, she will learn how to deal with this type of attention in the future and won't be so callous.

There is NO way you can look at this through her perspective though. Don't make assumptions on her perspective based on how YOU feel about yourself. I can assure you that the female gender does not despise you. That said, I CAN say that I'm sure most of us here have at one time felt the exact same way you do right now. This is one girl who handled the situation poorly. While it makes you feel rotten, it doesn't mean she despises you or that all females despise you. I promise that isn't the case.

There are some girls who don't like a lot of attention. It makes them feel uncomfortable and self conscious. I don't know anything about this girl, but if this is the case and how she feels, she needs to learn how to manage. She will, too.

Learning how to interact with the opposite sex isn't something that happens overnight. Sure, there are *some* guys and gals who seem to instinctively know what to do or say. The rest of us have had to go through what you are going through right now



Sadly, we all have to go through painful experiences like these. They are def. not the "fun" part of being a teenager and growing up. I see these experiences are a training ground for future interaction with the opposite sex. The same goes for her. It's trial and error and it sucks. It DOES get easier and less painful as you get older and are exposed to more experiences like this. I know--I HATED when people said that to me--but it's true

Bottom line is it doesn't matter what you look like--and FWIW you are not ugly. As far as the opposite sex goes, be yourself. Confidence goes a long way. Not cockiness, but confidence. Be sure of who you are and don't really worrying about what others think. Don't try too hard or try to be something that you aren't. Learn an instrument for YOU, not to woo or win over girls. It's not talent or looks or social aptitude that makes you attractive to the opposite sex. It's your being comfortable with being YOU.

Looks will only go so far. If you have the personality of a box of rocks, looks aren't going to do a whole lot for you in the long-run. Besides, funny, nice and confident trumps cute any day.

High school can be a tough time, and everyone is learning how to manage things they've never had to deal with before. My post was meant to help you get through going to school and seeing her until the hurt subsides a bit.

You know we women as a group have been telling you guys over and over and over again that its not the looks that are important. It doesn't matter if you can play a "cool" instrument. It doesn't matter what you have. Hopefully one day you men will believe us when we say it is CONFIDENCE that attracts women. Ever heard of a strong silent type? Its better to believe in yourself and not worry about impressing people, and do what you enjoy. Someone special will notice. Believe me!!!

[Pamplemousse]

Here's some advice coming from a teenage girl. When girls do that kind of crap, they're usually doing it for attention. Either for the approval of their close friends, or to attract the attention of somebody else. I've never dated, so I don't have personal experience, but of all the others I have seen, this was seemingly the case.

She might think you're good looking, nice, and talented. She may see that you're a little shy and awkward, too. And if she's seeking the approval of her peers, she's going to exploit your weakness to everyone. And you know what? She has no right to do this.

The problem with high school is it's all cutthroat teenagers trying to climb the social ladder.