Forgetting conversations rapidly

[Pamplemousse]

This seriously is frustrating. I just finished a conversation with my neighbor 5 minutes ago. We talked for about 10 minutes.....and I only remember her saying something about sushi. I was engaging in the conversation...why can't I remember it?

When she was talking these were my thoughts:

Yes! She gave me a cookie! I love cookies!
Man I have a lot of studying to do tonight. Why didn't I start earlier?
Her eyeliner is kinda funky lookin'.
What's that spot on the wall?
I'm so glad they turned the heat on today.
I hope I don't smell like sweat from gym class...
When do I have time to go to the post office?
I have to go grocery shopping, too...


And on top of it my juggling teacher caught me being a total space cadet earlier. I was completely zoned out and she came up to me and was like "what are you doin'?" I could only respond with "uhhhh, I don't know"....*resume juggling* The perks of being ADHD....(I'm being sarcastic of course)

[pooka]

It's super annoying when this happens...and plus, I've gotten so good at looking like I'm paying attention that people don't really suspect me of spacing out, so someone could be giving me some super important instructions and I'll be thinking about a weird dream I had the other night, and they won't even realize because I'll be nodding and "mhmming" and then I'll be too embarrassed to admit I was zoning out

[SquarePeg]

I suspect the conversation about sushi wasn´t especially riveting ha ha. I mean is it important that you remember the conversation?

I have this problem, I ether switch off and think about something else or want to butt in with something and stop listening so that I can hold my thought without forgetting it.

I can´t really do everyday chit chat, I just can´t think of anything to say and don´t want to really listen either.
It helps if you sort of repeat what they are saying, not like a parrot, but in a way that reinforces what they are saying.

[Verile]

Originally Posted by pooka

It's super annoying when this happens...and plus, I've gotten so good at looking like I'm paying attention that people don't really suspect me of spacing out, so someone could be giving me some super important instructions and I'll be thinking about a weird dream I had the other night, and they won't even realize because I'll be nodding and "mhmming" and then I'll be too embarrassed to admit I was zoning out

Hahaha. I'm super pro at this too. I don't just look like I'm listening, I look like I'm listening intently. I make direct eye contact and nod and somehow ask the right questions or make the correct response to keep the conversation going from the fraction I did manage to listen to. But by the time it's over I've retained nothing.

[alan1]

Does that ever ring true. Of course, when you see this person again in a day, week or month they will expect you to reference whatever it was you were talking about. It is always amazing to me how when I see someone to whom I casually mentioned something a while ago, they can ask me about it much later. Like "How was that movie you were going to see or trip you were going to go on?" How do they do that!?!?! If you don't do it they assume you don't really care about them.

[sarek]

alan1 is spot on about this. This is especially horrible when its a work related conversation. Then you get the usual "didnt we talk about that last week? is it still not done" And I would be like "what is it thats supposed to be done, I cant remember"
That is a regular deer in the headlights situation.

[stef]

actually I remember some random detail but then I just blurt it out strangely the next time I see them and then I get The Look.

[Drewbacca]

I took a communications class a few months ago. One day, we played that game where you tell the person next to you a story and they pass it on to the next person and so forth. The idea is to compare the original story with the final version.

It was already butchered by the time it got to me, but I didn't help at all. The two sentences or so that were delivered to me got passed on as about three words.
The instructor was ****** and thought that we weren't taking the experiment seriously... that wasn't the case at all. I just can't hear something and then turn around and repeat it like that. Based on her reaction, I take it that the NT can. *sigh*

[DvlsAdv0c8]

I always loathed games like that, although the end result was usually quite interesting, to say the least!

My BF and I are into cars - he is always reading me listings with long descriptions of what has been done to a particular car, and he just rattles them off with NO PAUSES IN BETWEEN! It's like a spoken wall of words...

Then I pick up the same magazine or look at the same site and go, "Check out this bada** car! Look what they did to it!" and he says, "I just read you that list 10 minutes ago..."

[Pamplemousse]

Originally Posted by pooka

It's super annoying when this happens...and plus, I've gotten so good at looking like I'm paying attention that people don't really suspect me of spacing out, so someone could be giving me some super important instructions and I'll be thinking about a weird dream I had the other night, and they won't even realize because I'll be nodding and "mhmming" and then I'll be too embarrassed to admit I was zoning out

And it never seems to matter what it is. Hypothetically someone could be explaining to me how to avoid a giant rabid bear pack in town and not get eaten....and I probably still wouldn't digest what they are saying. Never give me directions!!!! In one ear....out the other. Actually I think it just bounces off and the sound wave doesn't even reach into my ear canal. Haha.

Originally Posted by alan1

Does that ever ring true. Of course, when you see this person again in a day, week or month they will expect you to reference whatever it was you were talking about. It is always amazing to me how when I see someone to whom I casually mentioned something a while ago, they can ask me about it much later. Like "How was that movie you were going to see or trip you were going to go on?" How do they do that!?!?! If you don't do it they assume you don't really care about them.

Probably. Because we are going to the mall tomorrow and If she brings something up about that conversation like "Hey did you try that sushi place?" I'm only going to be able to respond with "what sushi place?" paired with a blank look on my face along with some panic because I feel like I should know what the heck she's talking about!.....*quickly change subject*

Originally Posted by Drewbacca

The instructor was ****** and thought that we weren't taking the experiment seriously... that wasn't the case at all. I just can't hear something and then turn around and repeat it like that. Based on her reaction, I take it that the NT can. *sigh*

I have this problem with jobs. My boss will be like "I need you to do x,y and z". I turn around to start doing task x, then forget where it is I'm going. Remember to do task x, but then completely forget about the other things I was supposed to do, which causes a fear induced sprint later in the day to do the task that was asked of me.

[KCTang]

Working Memory problems

Picture this:

- If 'Regular' brains have 5-7 boxes of Working Memory...

- And ADHD brains have 1-3 boxes of Working Memory (a little more when medicated)...

Then under normal circumstances, the ADHD brain will struggle to manage the same amount of info a regular brain has no prob with.

Conversation

The ability to multi-task during conversation is something regular brain folk take for granted. Not having the same amount of Working Memory can mean problems with:

-committing instructions into long-term memory

-recognizing and retaining important info

-monitoring social nuances

-bringing up our own issues at a timely point in the conversation

-inhibiting what our emotions want us to blurt out or share

-generally 'being present' or 'in the moment' while the discussion is going on


Throw in the fact that our Attention Control system gets distracted by background stimuli and we're pretty hard pressed.

Regular brain folk are expected to handle a few of these at the same time. People who are 'on the ball' expect themselves to handle all the above, something that's much easier when you're got regular levels of brainspace.

Medication can help by giving us more 'Working Memory' in an indirect way. Personally, constantly practicing emotion control (after I started meds) helped reduce social anxiety that occured during conversation, which freed up brainspace because I committed less Working Memory to worrying what people were thinking of me.