Moving out of your parents' house

[weepygonzales]

I am 20 right now, and I can't even imagine moving out of my parents' house. I don't have the money for it (just quit my job, I couldn't take the stress anymore), among other things. Do you feel like your ADHD made it hard for you to get yourself together enough to move? How old were you when you moved out? Do you have any tips?

[scrambled86]

I would say stay at home as long as you can / feel comfortable with. But appreciate your parents and try not to take it for granted.

I left home at 17 due to difficult circumstances and have been struggling ever since...

[Zevispaz]

I left home at 17 for college, and have been on my own ever since. With the economy though and cost of living, I would not be able to do it on my own. If I had to stay with a room mate I would go out of my skull.

By on my own I meant without my husband helping out with bills and living expenses.

[danelady]

Excellent advice. If you have a stable home environment,no abuse of any kind,stay there,it is a big bad cruel world out there. Consider yourself lucky if you are able to do that.

But like scrambled86 said...appreciate your parents,appreciate having a roof over your head. Help out any way you can since you don't have money to give them towards the bills.

I'm sure they would want you to save money anyway. I was in a difficult situation and left when I was still in high school and I too have struggled ever since.

Hopefully you will one day be able to handle being out on your own.

Originally Posted by scrambled86

I would say stay at home as long as you can / feel comfortable with. But appreciate your parents and try not to take it for granted.

I left home at 17 due to difficult circumstances and have been struggling ever since...

[rockydaydreamer]

I'm 24, I attend college and I still live with my parents. My dad drives me to college because I never learned to drive and I can't afford to even have a car. I also never had a job and I'm glad I don't because I wouldn't be able to have time to work on papers and study for classes if I did.

I don't think I'll be moving out until about 4 more years...

[k1dj03y]

I moved out at 21 because i just need my own place and space. I also had just started seeing a new guy and knew 'he was the one.' the next 4 years we spent together were amazing. BUT we struggled daily with bills, rent, car expenses, etc. . . There were some weeks where i ended with just a few cents left in my bank account. And thats when it hit me.

The person I was dateing at the time and I came to the realization we were both tooo dependent on eachother. And decided it was time for us to make it on our own and figure things out (more complicated relationship issues mixed in here too that i wont go into). And when our last lease was over, he found a cheap place to live and I ended up moving back into my parents house.
I am now 27 and in that time, I have been able to focus on my career/work. Get back into college with the goals of finishing my bachlors and opening many more doors with my current employeer. Paid off all but one of my credit cards, and the final one should be very close to being paid off within a year. And notice a huge change in myself.

Some say I am too old to be living with my parents, and I dont disagree with that. The trick here is I still pay them rent, pay all my own bills, pay for my own schooling, do household chores, and purchase my fair share of grocherys. Now I am planning on moving back out this summer, only this time i feel much better prepared to do so. And when I do, I know I will be able to handle anything that comes my way. But even then, the fear/stress of this has me nervous. But I know i can do it.

[keliza]

I moved out when I was 18 for college, then moved back in at 19 due to severe mental health issues (related to bipolar disorder, not ADHD) that made living on my own an impossible task at the time, then moved back out at 20 and have been on my own ever since. If you have a good relationship with your parents and your home environment is a positive one for you, I don't see any particular reason why you NEED to move out right now.

Work on finding another job, or going back to school, do something that will help you move forward and take the next steps towards independence in your life. You are an adult so independence is the goal, but you don't have to feel bad about living with your folks for the time being. More and more young adults are living with their parents into their early 20s now, it's a cultural shift that has been happening for the past decade or so. The economy is part of it, but it's also part of an overall shift in cultural view. Increasingly it is not considered the "norm" or "expectation" for kids to move out at 18, so there's no shame in living with your parents into your early 20s.

Fun fact, in many cultures young adults are welcomed and even expected to live with their parents until they are married, often into their mid 20s. This is particularly true of Latin American cultures, where young men and women will live with their parents until they are married, and then sometimes the newlyweds will both live in the husband's family home until they have steady income and can afford a home of their own. The idea that you HAVE to be out on your own at 18 and never look back is very much a mid-to-late 20th century American ideal that is beginning to fade away.

[fracturedstory]

I was 25 when my mum pretty much had enough of me. Now I'm out the house is being sold so it was good timing. I'm unemployed on a pension but I'm hoping a can sell some copies of this book I'm working on to keep me fed, and get some interest in my story telling.

I live with my sister now in Sydney. It's a lot easier for me even if I don't really like the city. Grocery stores and shops are close to me. I've got most of my family up here too. I have a lot of responsibility now but am still dependent on people.

When you're 20 and at home it is worrying but if they aren't ready to boot you out or show their constant frustration at having you there with them (as was my case) then stay, look for another job, and just take your time.

Even non-ADHD people are delaying moving out while they study and work. They struggle to find and keep work and they can't even afford their own house. The best they can do is shared accommodation. My sister did that when she first moved out at about 21 and has only since moved in with her boyfriend at 27.

I hear in Europe it's common for adults to live with their parents.

[weepygonzales]

My parents are wonderfully supportive and understanding, especially my mom. I guess that's WHY I feel guilty for still being around. I went to community college for a couple of years (I hate school and never did well due to my undiagnosed ADHD) and am trying to get another job now. I dunno, I guess I try to think about my high school peers - the only reason they are on their own is because their parents paid for them to go to college. If they didn't, they would be in the same shoes as me.

[Verile]

I left home at 19. I tried college and quickly flunked out. I worked a part time job doing menial labor and got depressed. My parents would've let me stay home with them forever. Living with my parents in that state though was my single greatest fear. I joined the Marine Corps in sheer desperation.

As painful as that experience was, it got me out of the house and on my feet. I can't necessarily recommend it but the strict structure of the military and its kick in the pants style was beneficial for me in the end. I was able to save money, gain perspective, and learn how to live without my parents. I honestly don't believe I had the coping or survival skills at the time to make it purely on my own so the military was a sort of last ditch attempt at independence.

[weepygonzales]

Originally Posted by Verile

I left home at 19. I tried college and quickly flunked out. I worked a part time job doing menial labor and got depressed. My parents would've let me stay home with them forever. Living with my parents in that state though was my single greatest fear. I joined the Marine Corps in sheer desperation.

As painful as that experience was, it got me out of the house and on my feet. I can't necessarily recommend it but the strict structure of the military and its kick in the pants style was beneficial for me in the end. I was able to save money, gain perspective, and learn how to live without my parents. I honestly don't believe I had the coping or survival skills at the time to make it purely on my own so the military was a sort of last ditch attempt at independence.

I've definitely been flirting with the idea of the military, pretty much for the same reasons - no survival skills, etc. And I just can't see myself taking any action on my own. I don't have the drive or ability to study on my own. I'm not on meds yet, though, so maybe that'll change things.

[stef]

hey in this economy, it's ok!

lots of students still are at home (in France), there isn't much student housing and rent in this region costs a fortune.

my son (22) is still at home, he has no classes this semester (he's missing credits from classes programmed next semesnter. He was studying in Germany last spring and had his own place (student housing); He'd probably prefer living on his own ;but we're fine with the arrangement.

[MrDavidAlan]

I moved out the day after graduation (seriously, I went from my graduation ceremony, up to my first apartment the same day)...

Honestly, I don't get what is hard about just sucking it up and doing it.

Where the challenge I find is, staying on top of everything without a million post its....

I swear, my post it note budget is more expansive than... well my pen budget for always losing my ink pens?

[danelady]

That's great!! When I was that age I was so lost,I found jobs but could never hold them. I thought the same thing,I'll join the military,then I wouldn't have to worry about what to do,I would be told exactly what to do! I passed all the tests but my knee caused me to fail the physical. So I didn't get to go.

I guess truck driving is like the military,they tell me where I gotta go and when I gotta be there. Its also a lot of 'hurry up and wait' lol!

Glad you made it through and thank you for your service!

Originally Posted by Verile

. I joined the Marine Corps in sheer desperation.
As painful as that experience was, it got me out of the house and on my feet. I can't necessarily recommend it but the strict structure of the military and its kick in the pants style was beneficial for me in the end. I was able to save money, gain perspective, and learn how to live without my parents. I honestly don't believe I had the coping or survival skills at the time to make it purely on my own so the military was a sort of last ditch attempt at independence.

[Rootkit]

I moved out because frankly I was going to go insane if I had to deal with my mother any longer. Though, before that I had bounced around depending on if I was going to university or not. Honestly? I wouldn't feel too bad about living with your parents. Economy sucks right now, it's... kind of advantageous if they don't mind you being there.