For married folks, esp. ladies - how does an ADHDer manage to put together a wedding?

[lalapin]

First of all congratulations! I'm also getting married.. someday in the future!!! We got engaged 2 months ago but nothing is planned, we don't even know which date we'll get married and all... i just don't know where to start and I'm scared because I really don't know how to do that!!! I have a very hard time to just attend a wedding because I shop for a dress/shoes/bra at the last minute and I get there late and stuff...So much organisation required...

wish you the best of luck with all the planning!!

[Kasi]

I wasn't the one who got married, but my friend did and we chatted about the process. She's a 'bit' (lol, yeah right, but that's what she tends to say) ADHD and he's BP, so everything was extremely low key. The biggest thing was pretty much the dress and getting the close family to the courthouse!

Here, you can only bring six other people to a courthouse wedding, so she brought her brother and her mother, he brought his parents and they chose two mutual friends to witness. To make sure everyone was on time, they just told everyone to come to brunch at a nearby restaurant and just walked the two blocks to the Courthouse.

Afterwards, there was basically a potluck/garden party in a nearby public garden and the place is absolutely gorgeous and really quiet and secluded if you go to one of the 'branch offs'. Everyone brought something, the only thing planned was the cake.

So, only thing that went on was a dress fitting, spa day, quick makeup by the friend, getting family there, showing up at the courthouse on time and a mass invitation to all the friends to come to a as-you-are wedding party! Worked for them.

[QuantumIguana]

My wife and I got married at the Elvis chapel in Vegas. That kept it simple. If I had known we would have had so many guests, I would have sprung for the next more expensive package where there is a reception with cake and a mini-concert by Elvis. As it was, Elvis sang at the wedding, and walked my wife down the aisle.

Now, this was the high-class Elvis chapel, Elvis didn't perform the ceremony. We could have gone the tacky(er) route and had a chapel where Elvis performed the ceremony. I generally shoot for the tackiest option.

We wound up with about a dozen guests, by parents, my brother and sister flew out, as did my wife's father and sister. Plus she had a come aunts and uncles who just happened to be in town.

We were walking down the strip in Vegas, and we saw a couple in a white pickup getting married at the drive-through wedding chapel. That's even too tacky for me, although just barely. It was fun to watch though.

But even if you don't run off to Vegas, you can still keep things simple if you don't let other people pressure you into making things bigger and bigger.

[silivrentoliel]

I have the attention span of a gnat, so I only read the OP, but I didn't plan ANYTHING except the colors of my girls' dresses. I handed it all over to someone else lol... of course, the day was a massive debacle, but it wasn't their fault...

[mctavish23]

Space,

When the time comes, please consider moi for the planning the Bachelorette

Party.


u r welcome

[spunkysmum]

Interesting input from everybody. I like the idea of simple - and less expensive is always good - but the more I think about it, I have to honestly admit to myself that I don't like the idea of going overboard with chucking tradition too much. I've been to weddings that were described as "simple" that I knew I wouldn't like for myself. The outdoor wedding at the state park last summer where somebody forgot to bring the music so there was none, for example. No music? I don't think I'd even consider myself married without music. Then there was the wedding I was invited to last month but wasn't able to attend, where the reception consisted of tacos. Now I like tacos as much as anybody does, but - at a wedding? My mother was there and she said she felt sorry for some of the more elderly guests, trying to maneuver a big taco without spilling it everywhere.

The wedding that we attended last weekend was lovely in a lot of ways and I had a wonderful time, but it, too, made me aware of some things that I know I would NOT want to do, most notably taking all the pictures before the ceremony. I'd want to observe the customary protocol of having the surprise reveal of the bride at the altar. Plus, my often stubbornly literal mind would always know when looking at the pictures that we were not actually married when they were taken.

On the other hand, I have to admit that my mind was changed on a couple things, such as the practice of the couple writing their own vows. Maybe it's because I've mostly seen it done on soap operas, but I have been in the habit of thinking of that as being eye-rollingly hokey, bandwagon-y and done to death. But hearing my boyfriend's brother read the vows he had written opened my mind and made me see how there can be a value in that. It helped that I could tell that my boyfriend was impressed by them and that they had made him do some thinking.

I can definitely see now though that there is some value in putting some thought into what you'd want in a wedding before you even really have a reason to, because that way you have SOME place to start.

I guess it turns out that, despite my dedication to thinking outside the box, I'm a lot traditional at the core. Good thing I'm figuring that out now. LOL.

[crystal8080]

Originally Posted by spunkysmum

Interesting input from everybody. I like the idea of simple - and less expensive is always good - but the more I think about it, I have to honestly admit to myself that I don't like the idea of going overboard with chucking tradition too much. I've been to weddings that were described as "simple" that I knew I wouldn't like for myself. The outdoor wedding at the state park last summer where somebody forgot to bring the music so there was none, for example. No music? I don't think I'd even consider myself married without music. Then there was the wedding I was invited to last month but wasn't able to attend, where the reception consisted of tacos. Now I like tacos as much as anybody does, but - at a wedding? My mother was there and she said she felt sorry for some of the more elderly guests, trying to maneuver a big taco without spilling it everywhere.

The wedding that we attended last weekend was lovely in a lot of ways and I had a wonderful time, but it, too, made me aware of some things that I know I would NOT want to do, most notably taking all the pictures before the ceremony. I'd want to observe the customary protocol of having the surprise reveal of the bride at the altar. Plus, my often stubbornly literal mind would always know when looking at the pictures that we were not actually married when they were taken.

On the other hand, I have to admit that my mind was changed on a couple things, such as the practice of the couple writing their own vows. Maybe it's because I've mostly seen it done on soap operas, but I have been in the habit of thinking of that as being eye-rollingly hokey, bandwagon-y and done to death. But hearing my boyfriend's brother read the vows he had written opened my mind and made me see how there can be a value in that. It helped that I could tell that my boyfriend was impressed by them and that they had made him do some thinking.

I can definitely see now though that there is some value in putting some thought into what you'd want in a wedding before you even really have a reason to, because that way you have SOME place to start.

I guess it turns out that, despite my dedication to thinking outside the box, I'm a lot traditional at the core. Good thing I'm figuring that out now. LOL.

Sounds like they put the bug in ya I hear wedding bells

I know my wedding sounds like it was too simple. It was. 2 days before we were married his cousin had a very big very traditional and very expensive catholic wedding. No tacos It would have been bigger for us since my husband is the oldest cousin...... and carries the family name. It would have been incredibly rude of us to say we were getting married right after them. So, I guess even though no one knew, we did, and felt like the night was ours.

I am thinking of doing a ceremony for our 10 year anniversary. Not sure yet. I would probably lean toward traditional, but that religion thing is a package deal. Sorry, try not to bring in religion, but its hard when you are talking about marriage!

[artymom]

Turned out great - my two best friends were/are type A, highly organized people. Helped make a schedule, and kept me on track. Otherwise I would have hired a wedding planner. (They seriously aren't that expensive, my friends that have used them recouped their costs in what the planner actually saved them by being so well connected.)

[FlutteryPixie]

I haven't done so yet, but I think many people with ADHD would plan their wedding in very creative, interesting ways, with a lot of attention on strange or minor details and the whole coming together quite late in the process. I think brides with ADHD would benefit greatly from having a maid of honour, mother or fiance with great overview, who could take those fun details and puzzle them together into a whole.

I'm not engaged but me and my bf sometimes talk about how we'd want our wedding to be and what expectations we may have. We've kind of already agreed on wanting it to be in a very beautiful, interesting location, and we've even found one that encompasses all the things we'd need, a small castle in Sweden (we live in Denmark). Here, we would be able to have the actual wedding and the reception in the same place, just different rooms, and the castle, which is a mini hotel, would handle both, meaning fewer involved parties to keep track of. This would be a boon I think, for most of us =)

In my case, I'd like to have a strong say in the creative aspects, such as flowers, decorations, colour choices, the cake etc, and would probably be very invested in those aspects, and less so in the overall when's what going to happen and how many bottles of wine etc are needed, so I would probably need someone else to do the general planning. But I think my BF would like to be deeply involved in the planning as well.

Because there are other people around me, such as my bf's mother, who also love to be creative and have a say, it would probably not be so hard to pull it off, but I would have little understanding and control over the economic aspect of it, and may end up deeply disappointed at things I hadn't thought about, something that often happens when I plan things.

Regardless, with someone to help keep overview and economics in check, I think a wedding planned by someone with ADHD would be awesome, creative and beautiful, as well as heartfelt and enjoyable. After all, traditions and trends wouldn't be the focus, individuality and personality would.

I think my biggest issue would be The Dress. I'd want it to be perfect, but I'd change my opinion 500 times, and see it differently every time I put it on by the time I've actually got one. I'm probably going to stand by the mirror on my wedding day, crying my eyes out because of a little detail being wrong, or seeing it completely differently all of a sudden. I'm not sure how to solve that, except maybe bring someone with a camera along while shopping for it, so I can actually see it as a whole in a picture a little later, rather than just seeing some detail I love on it as I try it on but missing the "whole picture" and how it makes ME look.

[Unmanagable]

We kept it simple and very inexpensive.

It was the second wedding for both of us.

We had it in a small chapel where I used to work with a pastor I dearly love, no cost.

A good friend catered it - we paid for the cost of food only.

Only invited immediate family and close friends. (Although about 50+ of my former students dropped in after the formal ceremony was over)

Made the invitations and decorations myself.

Asked for donations instead of gifts and gave the money to the chapel fund.

Friends took pictures for no fee, also. I prefer the natural poses vs. the staged photos.

Both of our first weddings were much more formal, but I think by the time we decided to try it again, we had grown to realize the true value of what happens after that big day and we put our energies into that instead of the ceremony part. If that makes sense.

[Clayjar]

I also planned the wedding too. It was tough. I had many friends that were just married so I did what they did. Look for the reception halls. I just used the church I go to. My brother's future mother in law is a florist so just used her. Also my wife did things on her own and went way over budget with the centerpieces. She chose the overpriced photographer. I should have had a tighter rein on what she was doing. I found the DJ on my own.

Me being a graphic designer, I designed the "perfect" invitation which was difficult to reproduce on my own and I took way too long so that my invites didn't go out until 6 weeks before the wedding. I had also forgot to do the Save the Date mailing too. Wife chose to do extremely difficult guest presents which took alot of pasting and cutting. Dumb idea and I didn't do anything to curb that. Ugh.

But I had fun and had a Star Wars theme for the bridal party at the reception. My brothers and friend held up lightsabers and we walked under them with my own lightsaber to lead the way.

So my ADD did hinder me in some aspects but also encouraged me to be creative.

[sarahsweets]

I had very little input being I was such the black sheep ya know (pregnant ooooo call the authorities) been married 17 years.

[jspet]

Get two witnesses and go to the court house. Just make sure you have someone how can take pictures, so you can post them on Facebook. Fast, simple, no arguments with who can come or can't. Cost you about $30 for the service. Oh and take the day off from work.

[zaleladra]

This is something I wanted to post about. I just recently got engaged and suddenly, the details are freaking me out. My mom has always been organized, so I'm not worried about that, but she has no idea how to plan a wedding. Her own wedding was small and quick and there wasn't much fuss involved. I happened to be engaged to a man whose family would throw a fit if we didn't have this nice family gathering where they are all invited.

We keep joking that we should just run away and get married and THEN plan the ceremony, but knowing us, we would put it all off because there would now be no big hurry. We are already planning on a year and a half engagement because of how stressed I'd be if I had to start now.

I did recently find this book that I think will help me. In the first chapter it says "get organized and here's how" and proceeds to give me a shopping list and the different tabs I need in my wedding binder to be able to stay well organized. Hopefully this, and my naturally organized mother, will help.

I'm still very nervous about all of this, but I do know that on my side of the family, I have a lot of support.

[Electra2]

When I got married I was 20 year old.
I got engaged and married half a year after.
We had golden marrige rings that looked simmilar.
(I was married for 7 years) I went to the police with my hummy and his family and then we signed the papers and then we went to a hotel to eat dinner there and we danced the wedding dance.
The dress, I got that from my sister,
it wasn't expensive,she also made/did my hair.
I did the makeup and nails my self.
The family all held a speech for me/us and gave us gifts.
The family took our weeding photos,
mostly my sister,I think.
I got divorsed 7 years later,but first we had to be a part for one year,
the "separation period".
I waited 3 years from the papers where sent til the divorse where officially done.
I guess that made it 10 years on the papers?
I found out because my x husband made me aware of it since he now have a new wife and therefore needed my signature for their paper to be accepted...