85% of children "like my son" end up in prison???

[Loonette]

Originally Posted by qanda

Your friend might be concerned. But oh, what a very, very insensitive way to approach it. My question is, did your friend specifically say Adhd? Perhaps she is thinking of something else. I was watching a show where kids feel no remorse, but even those kids had better outcomes than what she is suggesting, especially if they were from loving homes. Maybe she had something like that more in mind. Please do not think I am suggesting that is your son. Does not sound like it from your description. I just did not read your friend mention specifically Adhd. Please forgive me if I did not read your post carefully enough though.

I've told this woman about my belief that my son has ADHD, as well as how the psychologist mentioned it in her report, and also that he is diagnosed in the autism spectrum.

This woman has three adult children, all with disabilities, including ADHD.

She herself is a survivor of some very horrible child abuse.

I think she may not really think about what she says sometimes.

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by Loonette

I've told this woman about my belief that my son has ADHD, as well as how the psychologist mentioned it in her report, and also that he is diagnosed in the autism spectrum.

This woman has three adult children, all with disabilities, including ADHD.

She herself is a survivor of some very horrible child abuse.

I think she may not really think about what she says sometimes.

Does she have ADHD herself?

We do tend to blurt things out that can sound insensitive.

By her statistics, one or two of her own children should be in prison, eh?

[Loonette]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

Does she have ADHD herself?

We do tend to blurt things out that can sound insensitive.

By her statistics, one or two of her own children should be in prison, eh?

I don't think she has ADHD, at least not that she's mentioned to me.

Oh, the way I worded this isn't right: "This woman has three adult children, all with disabilities, including ADHD."

All three of her kids have disabilities, in varying degrees of the autism spectrum. Only one of them has ADHD, which the mom tells me they treated with meds when he was younger. I'm not sure if he's still taking meds, but he seems like a pretty decent young man either way.

But, yeah, Lunacie, if they'd all three had ADHD, no doubt, 2/3 of them should be in prison if we were going on her quote.

This woman also really hurt my sister's feelings badly a few years ago by making a comment on a picture of her with me on Facebook, which was another "blurted it out without thinking" kind of thing to say. It's a bit off-topic, but it tells more about this woman's way of blurting things out:

My sister has always been self-conscious about being "short". She's barely 5-feet tall.

Well, I'd posted a picture on FB of my sister and me together. I'm 5'7", so I was crouching down in the pic, so as to not look so tall.

My sister had made a joking, exaggerated comment about me being "a whole foot taller" than her.

Then along comes my "friend", saying something like, "It's not your fault, Loonette, that your sister was a sickly child and that her meds kept her from reaching her actual height."

(For the record, my sister was not a sickly child, and was not on meds.)

My sister was incredibly upset about this. This woman does not know my sister at all, never met her or communicated with her in any way, and then she says that comment.

So, yeah, that's it for now.

[Amtram]

The more you relate about her, the more it seems you don't really need her in your life. I can't imagine what she might be saying to her kids. . .geez!

[Lunacie]

Good grief! I know I blurt out things without thinking, but I do not make

stupid assumptions like that unless I know that's what happened.



Did you tell her that her comment had offended your sister?

If so, what was her reaction?

[Loonette]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

Good grief! I know I blurt out things without thinking, but I do not make

stupid assumptions like that unless I know that's what happened.



Did you tell her that her comment had offended your sister?

If so, what was her reaction?

Yes, I told her, and she felt bad, but my sister sent her some really angry private messages after that, and my "friend" felt threatened and really didn't know what to do. I remember feeling really caught in the middle of it all. My sister threatened me, too. I can't remember how it panned out in the end. I told my sister about this thread, though, so maybe she'll join the group and comment herself.

[Loonette]

Originally Posted by Amtram

The more you relate about her, the more it seems you don't really need her in your life.

Yeah, for sure. I don't spend time with her on purpose. I run into her in town occasionally, and she'd come by my place in the past month to pick up an item I was giving away.

She's on my FB contact list. I think if I were to outright delete her, she might email me and ask what's up, and I don't need the stress of trying to communicate further about it. I do think her intentions are good, but she just isn't aware of how her comments might accidentally offend.

[Amtram]

I have a few friends whom I hide from my facebook newsfeed. I can't keep them from commenting on my status updates, but I don't have to look at theirs.

[Tina BB]

Originally Posted by Loonette

I got an email from a friend a few weeks ago and it's been troubling me.

She is speaking of my 5-year-old son who has ADHD-type symptoms, though the psychologist did not give him an official ADHD diagnosis for the reason that only the family has reported the concerns, and to give an ADHD diagnosis, the concerns have to be reported by one or two other places such as a daycare or school. He's not involved in either of those, being a home schooler and I work from home (and can't afford daycare anyway) so we don't have that.

I quote the part in question below.



She's not been around my son much at all. She mostly sees pictures of him on Facebook, and I'm not sure how she can deduce problems in him by those coz I post such cute and fun pictures of him.

The time she and her husband were around my son was for about half an hour when they stopped by to pick something up. My son was being surly and scowling at them.

I've actually never seen him treat people outside the family like that as he is usually very friendly and outgoing to everyone he encounters (aside from his family!). He had just woken from a nap and didn't feel like greeting our friends, so he put on a scowl and said he didn't want to say hi.

Then while we stood outside talking to our friends, he went to the window a few times and scowled and even growled at us, but I knew it was not serious anger. I know his true anger and it's a lot worse than what he was pretending to do.

I've told her a bit about my struggles with his continued willful disobedience (over and over he does the same things he knows he's not supposed to do, and he does them with a secretive "trying not to get caught" attitude).

We have interventions set up in the form of a behaviour consultant and a behavior interventionalist (I think that's what he's called), with whom we've recently started working here at home in the past week (all paid-for by the Autism Funding we get, as my son has been diagnosed in the autism spectrum, though the psychologist said he's low in the spectrum and most people wouldn't know he's "got autism". His problems are more behavior stuff.)

I've not replied to that part of the email from my friend. I'm really not sure what to say.

I wonder if anyone here agrees with her assessment of 85% of children with ADHD-type symptoms ending up in prison.

Are those of you who are adults who had ADHD-type symptoms in your youth in prison?

Do you have, or know, a child who had ADHD-type symptoms and grew up to be a criminal and ended up in prison?

I live in England and my 9 year old son is quite high up on the adhd/odd spectrum. Impulsivity, especially when adhd is severe and the need for novelty and excitement so often leave young people with this condition vulnerable to corruption. I can only say that I work with young people (teenagers) not just with adhd symptoms but who's lives are incredibly disrupted by it. I am sure that I will be jumped on for this reply, but in my experience within school, a high percentage of young people like this do get into trouble with the authorities, especially if they display a quick temper which is displayed in violence. My sons father and know that my son is at very high risk of ending up in prison, purely due to his impulsivity and his constant 'flight or fight' personality.

[Amtram]

We do realize that there's a higher risk, and I think that one of the reasons we come on here is that we don't want that outcome for ourselves or anyone we love. However, we don't need people predicting doom and gloom as the inevitable outcome anywhere in our lives, least of all when we've got enough on our plates as it is!

[Luvmybully]

Originally Posted by Tina BB

I live in England and my 9 year old son is quite high up on the adhd/odd spectrum. Impulsivity, especially when adhd is severe and the need for novelty and excitement so often leave young people with this condition vulnerable to corruption. I can only say that I work with young people (teenagers) not just with adhd symptoms but who's lives are incredibly disrupted by it. I am sure that I will be jumped on for this reply, but in my experience within school, a high percentage of young people like this do get into trouble with the authorities, especially if they display a quick temper which is displayed in violence. My sons father and know that my son is at very high risk of ending up in prison, purely due to his impulsivity and his constant 'flight or fight' personality.

This nosey chick went WAY beyond stating an increased risk, she made some ridiculous very vague comments about a FIVE year old child based on a brief meeting, and what she saw in PICTURES for crying out loud! She can see a future murderer in a PICTURE of a 5 year old????!!!!

That is OUTRAGEOUS and completely unfounded.