I Just Don't Know What to Say or What to do Anymore.....

[salleh]

......Ok I admit it , the fridge desperately needed cleaning out ....Mike asked me to, so I did .....( the mess was on my side of the fridge of course ..)

....Just had a "meeting" with him in the kitchen .....he said ....thanks for cleaning out the fridge, but when I got home, the back door was open ( meaning that the dead bolt wasn't thrown, not that it was actually open open ), and there was a piece of meat ( mine, left over from last night) left on the counter ....

....He says he's afraid to come back to the house he's afraid of what he might find ....he thinks I should be in an assisted living place .....

.....He never lets anything slide, everything I do is under a microscope type scrutiny....so, of course, I make more "mistakes" than ever ...the harder I try not to screw up, the more little things I forget ....

....He says he knows I am not doing it on purpose, but I am not sure he really "gets" it ....


...in the past 3 weeks I have failed to close the front door all the way ( thick carpet) twice .....the back door undead-bolted once, left a leftover out on the counter once, ....

.....Oh and I found out why he never gave me a key to the mailbox he started using this year ....cause I ONCE dropped a piece of mail on the front porch ( I have been here more than 4 years)

....It is a fabulous thing that I am only here for about 3 more weeks .....and I have to look for another place to live when I come back in the spring ....this is intolerable .....


....and I was so proud at how nice the fridge looked too...............


....Am I really that out of it ?



.....Living with a seriously NT person is about destroying my self-confidence and making me think I just can't cut it at all......and then there's those 13 years with my ex, who had me convinced that everything I touched .....turned to mud....

[Luvmybully]

Salleh this dude is SO FAR from "nt"! He is a flat out NUTCASE!

Please don't think it's you! What he is asking of you is not humanely possible....

Good grief....it took me two full DAYS to clean one room in my house, it was so neglected and nasty.

This guy is nuts...

[425runner]

Salleh -

Seriously, that roommate sounds like a total jerk! Something's wrong with him...not with you, my dear. I'd suggest moving out or just telling him to fuc* off.

[salleh]

......at the very least, it really doesn't matter what I do, he'll find something I forgot, ....he has made up his mind that I am a complete disaster, and is just putting things in his mental file about me ....


,..My ex did the same ....he ascribed negative motives for everything I did, I literally could do NOTHING right .....

...It is so discouraging to live with someone who thinks like that ...the kind who never forget a single solitary error you made ....

....you never get a clean slate....


...How come I end up with people like that ?


I am an easy going, easy to get along with person ....but seem to gravitate towards napoleons......and I really really wish I didn't do that ....I do not like intolerant people, and for some reason, they hide it from me to begin with, everyone thinks my ex is just the nicest guy ....he's not, got news for them ....

Mike is very well regarded and liked by a lot of people ....

but I don't get it about them until a fair amount of time has passed....and slowly they start to destroy my self-confidence and feeling of self-worth ...

right now I wonder how the h*** I can ever ask someone if I can rent a room from them .....MIke is making me feel like I am downright dangerous....


of course I doubt that the gov't would think I need help....like getting some kind of aid or social security ....it would have top be the kind where you haven't worked very much ....I don't even have enough quarters to get SS when I hit 65 ....most of the time I wasn't employed or was self- employed and barely making any money doing that , certainly not paying taxes on it .....


....this is very distressing ....I just found myslef sitting and staring into the floor...whcih is pretty much how I spent that last year I was with Tom ....just sitting on the couch and staring....with my thought running through mazes of what do I do now ? ....and not a clue as to what I should do now .....



....This kind of thing is why I want to punch people who sit brightly and inform me that ADHD is a gift ....yah right ....a gift ....thanks a bunch for that ....it sure has been a dandy one for me


...Can I exchange it ? ...for, like, a working brain ?

[Drewbacca]

To give honest feedback, I think I'd have to live with you for a few weeks. My guess, is that it isn't you... it's him. Yeah, we screw up once in a while, but assisted living? There is a chance that he could be right, but, I highly doubt that it's that bad.

Whose idea was it to split the fridge into sides? I've only ever had one room-mate that tried to create physical barriers in the living space, and it didn't end well.

[salleh]

......This is Mike's house, and he never lets me forget that for a minute ....ever ....I get 1/2 the fridge, one shelf in the freezer, 1 &1/2 shelves in the kitchen cupboard, and we use only his dishes, and silverware ,..he uses stainless steel silverware which I do not like, I like silver plate or sterling ( hah!) ...and he took all my forks ( 4) out of the drawer one day and told me to take them away .....

...I snuck them back, and hide them under his in the organizer ...and since I do all the dishes ...at least I can do that ....

.....and I can't have ANYTHING outside my room ....he pitches a fit over that ....I went out and bought a grinder so I could polish the crystals on my vintage watches that I sell, and he told me that I could put it on a board, and then bring it into my room whenever I wasn't using it ...the grinder is still in the box ....and it costs me $20 per watch crystal if I have it done ....


...I forgot to put the stool I take to the markets with us outside, so it was by the back door, ( not in the way of anything mind you) and after 2 days he threw it ( literally) out the back door ....he threw it gently from the back porch which is off the ground level by about 7 stairs ...

of course the bottom step is completely rotted out, and comes completely off when you step on it wrong, I have just been lucky I haven't broken my neck on it ....but that's ok ...cause it's HIS house and he can fix it or not as he so prefers....

[Drewbacca]

Without question, Mike has issues.

[Zevispaz]

I doubt he's NT, he's probably OCD if he's getting this wound up about things.

[Moonshadow]

Hi. It looks like you feel so negative about each other that you and probably Mike may both be ticking off with a sense of relief each day for the next three weeks. I'm not sure what is intolerable - the current situation or having to look for somewhere new in the Spring. It seems like somewhere new is what is needed in the circumstances, maybe somewhere solo if you can afford it. It's a miracle that my spouse puts up with me, and my ADD 'omnishambles'. Good luck, R

[Drewbacca]

Originally Posted by Moonshadow

Hi. It looks like you feel so negative about each other that you and probably Mike may both be ticking off with a sense of relief...

By the sounds of it, even a *PERFECT* room-mate would tick this guy off. Salleh's ADHD may be adding fuel to the fire, but some people are clearly not designed for cohabitation.

The moment he decided to have a room mate, it was no longer his house, his silverware, etc. Expecting someone to work around you and keep all of their stuff in their room is absurd. There are exceptions when such an arrangement would be acceptable, but I doubt this is one of them.

[SquarePeg]

Like other´s have said I think you two really clash and are not suited to sharing the same living space.

You should see my fridge, it´s probably hazardous but my kids are still alive.

I´ve left the front door wide open all day and gone out (husband doesn´t know that).
Thrown cash in the trash (husband doesn´t know that)
Left pans on the stove to burn.
Left iron on all day.
Left fridge door open all day (who hasn´t done that).

You need a flatmate with a more relaxed attitude, and half the fridge and a shelf in the freezer is positively anal!!! He needs to get a life.

[stef]

well i would have qualified for "assisted living" since college, according to his standards...
HE has a problem , not you
and your e thoughtful, kind and funny.

[sarek]

Originally Posted by Zevispaz

I doubt he's NT, he's probably OCD if he's getting this wound up about things.

If zevispaz hadn't mentioned this I would have. These are my thoughts exactly. This is way beyond normal behaviour.

And I think that is at least half the explanation for your despair and confusion, Salleh. When we are faced with controlling people like him its like our ADD is multiplied by a hundred.
When I am around people checking out my every move I am usually not able to remember even as much as breathing in and out on time.

This makes us extremely difficult to live with. Not enough supervision and we make a mess. Too much supervision and the mess we make is even worse than without.

[parliate]

Well , don't be so hard on yourself because you can't change who you are and also you can't change him.Obviously both of you are not good match for share living space.Maybe both of you great when you are alone but it doesn't mean two wrongs don't make a right.

So you may think to separate your living space .

[Lunacie]

^ What everyone has already said . . . especially Sarek.

Don't go back there next spring!

I'm sending you good vibes to find a better place to live.


(((((Salleh)))))