Why do I cause Drama?

[Repton]

I went out with a girl who I've now come to the conclusion was ADHD, for many reasons that I wont go into here. But one thing she did was skip from one relationship to another, each one starting great and ending quickly, I was one of the victims :P

Anyway I realised recently after being diagnosed (we went out years ago) due to her other obvious symptoms, she seemed to me to be a suffering from lifelong adhd.

Anyway my hypothesis was this, I believe the initial rush of a new relationship provides a fairly substantial and steady boost and supply of dopamine. I can't help but think that once that runs out, and it does to some extent in all relationships after time I think, for some people that triggers a reaction, and if you have ADHD that might be enough to kill off the relationship and start another, to get that rush all over again.

What squarepeg says really reminds me of my ex too.

[SquarePeg]

Originally Posted by Repton

Anyway my hypothesis was this, I believe the initial rush of a new relationship provides a fairly substantial and steady boost and supply of dopamine. I can't help but think that once that runs out, and it does to some extent in all relationships after time I think, for some people that triggers a reaction, and if you have ADHD that might be enough to kill off the relationship and start another, to get that rush all over again.

What squarepeg says really reminds me of my ex too.

I was a total b**tch and you saying you were one of her victims makes me feel bad. I never really gave any of them an explanation (because I had none, it didn´t make sense to me), I just used to say "you´re too good for me" and stuff like that.

[Repton]

Hey Square, don't feel bad!
My ex really did some unbelievable things for me to refer to myself as a victim, but I meant it in a jokey way too, there was a point where I was a willing victim and could have kept away much earlier but I went back for more and that was my own fault.

[ADDinHDefgHi?!]

In hindsight I think all my girlfriends were ADHD to an extent, one was definitely ADHD and maybe Bipolar as well, she never ever left one guy unless she had at least three other guys lined up.

I should have known when she left her fiance for me what I was getting into, but I was young and dumb and it was.......... fun!

I don't know if the girl I see on and off rt now is ADHD but I'm pretty damn sure she is, she's going to find out this month.

Anyway, the common thread is they all caused extraordinary amounts of drama, and I did/do too. I don't think I cause as much as they do but they might disagree. I've always attracted ADHD types in all areas of my life.

I still notice that unmedicated I'll start arguments for no reason at all, it's just because I'm bored. Looking back I feel like an idiot during those moments, disagreeing just to disagree is annoying yet I do it sometimes when I'm bored.

I don't normally leave relationships, I just get bored and my eye wanders and then they leave me if I don't get it together quick. Never know what I got till it's gone.......

[cheezey]

Originally Posted by RedHairedWitch

I start really craving drama when I'm PMSing. I'm getting better at realizing when I'm like this and just staying home, keeping my mouth shut, not going on facebook and playing video games.

I noticed a huge correlation with my girlfriends who I suspected had ADHD and that time of the month!

You'd have to suspect the hormonal fluctuations/effects on an already low self-control/emotional regulation system would explain the fireworks!

I can relate to a desire to "change my state" if I was feeling a bit "mehh" and I'd turn to some stimulating activity to give me a boost.

Originally Posted by Repton

I went out with a girl who I've now come to the conclusion was ADHD, for many reasons that I wont go into here. But one thing she did was skip from one relationship to another, each one starting great and ending quickly, I was one of the victims :P

Anyway my hypothesis was this, I believe the initial rush of a new relationship provides a fairly substantial and steady boost and supply of dopamine. I can't help but think that once that runs out, and it does to some extent in all relationships after time I think, for some people that triggers a reaction, and if you have ADHD that might be enough to kill off the relationship and start another, to get that rush all over again.

What squarepeg says really reminds me of my ex too.

Sounds just like my ex! Once she knew she "had me" it felt like game-over. She turned so nasty at that point that it was clear she was either after nothing but constant conflict and chaos, or to provoke me into doing something that would give her cause to leave. I willingly let myself be a victim too, but like yourself I can see the somewhat funnier side of it now!

Originally Posted by ADDinHDefgHi?!

In hindsight I think all my girlfriends were ADHD to an extent, one was definitely ADHD and maybe Bipolar as well, she never ever left one guy unless she had at least three other guys lined up.

Anyway, the common thread is they all caused extraordinary amounts of drama, and I did/do too. I don't think I cause as much as they do but they might disagree. I've always attracted ADHD types in all areas of my life.

I still notice that unmedicated I'll start arguments for no reason at all, it's just because I'm bored. Looking back I feel like an idiot during those moments, disagreeing just to disagree is annoying yet I do it sometimes when I'm bored.

I think I found it easy to fall in love with the girlfriends I've had who I suspected having ADHD because there was a total "You're just like me!!" feeling to interactions. Albeit it having the same characteristics often means both the positive, and negative! the negative behaviours often are not apparent until you're in too deep though!

I always noticed that when my meds were wearing off I was much more prone to be sucked into, and participate in the drama, and yeah in those moments I was "getting off" on it as well. My current girlfriend, who has been referred finally for an ADHD assessment, has often said there have been times when she has intentionally tried to push my buttons and or start drama about nothing for the adrenaline rush. When this lead to us breaking up though it was as if he actions had hit her like a icy cold shower, and she'd seem so ashamed at her actions. I think it was finally what got her to take what I was saying seriously about the ADHD. I don't really see the problem being eradicated until she's on medication, and is able to control her impulses, and work on established habits and negative thinking.

The first girlfriend who I believed has ADHD sounds a bit like what you said in: "she never ever left one guy unless she had at least three other guys lined up". I was one of those guys in a previous relationship >_< and then I watched her, while I was with her, line up my replacement! She was/is very "naturally beautiful", and had a harem of "Yes Men" around her. She'd often use these guys to either triangulate our relationship, and or to use either as "backup-plans" or for use in jealousy making drama games. She was incredibly sensitive to being told she was doing something hurtful/that was damaging to things between us, and any attempt of mine to resolve an issue to mutual benefit always felt like it turned into a blazing row. She had a seemingly intense need for stimulation/conflict, and her and some of her best friends were falling out every week, then not speaking to each other before reconciling/etc. To the outsider it looked like she was hooked on the adrenaline from the arguments/anger. She said to me one time "I guess I am addicted to the drama. It's not drama I want, but...".

[mctavish23]

ARRRGH !!!

You SO Don't Listen

Define "DRAMA" and also " Whose PROBLEM Is It ? "

Is it because u r a female and we males are completely CLUELESS ?

Or is it because Rico Suave is a narcissistic Douchebag ?

Just sayin

u r welcome

[Higher Sunshine]

Why do you cause drama??? When you figure it out, let me know!!!

[ginniebean]

Sometimes causing drama is indicative of personality disorder.

[Ocyan]

Along to an ADHD specialist causing drama is a need for stimulation

[Mrtommyboy1904]

Bumblebe, I can relate to you so much from that first small post. We as human beings thrive on emotional surges. I believe that as people with ADHD(and usually other issues) we thrive on ANY kind of stimulation.

Also, I am incredibly insecure in my relationship as well. I often come off as the clingy, emotional boyfriend that never ceases. Honey, it ain't us all the time. I realized that when I thought, "I may be overemotional, but I would rather be that then to have to be so cold to insulate myself from life."

Hope all goes well!

[meadd823]

Originally Posted by Ocyan

Along to an ADHD specialist causing drama is a need for stimulation

Correction -SOME ADHDers {not all } are attracted to stimulation! There are those who get easily overly stimulated and avoid any remote possibility if at all possible.

Of those who thrive on stimulation NOT all are prone to emotional manipulation for that stimulation just as not all emotional manipulation is created equal! Try bungee jumping in hand cuffs, hang gliding blind folded, ect ect ect

Gary tried that emotional manipulation on me and I simply shut down - The fastest way to dupe a manipulator is simply not give a rats rump and that happens to be my specialty.

A dime for every I should leave because of blah blah and the predictable response is don;t let the door hit you in the a** on the way out. I simply refuse to feed any one else's monster save my own - Get my goose and find ones self wishing you could give it back !!!! It takes a LOT to set me off by the time I react it's well deserved.

Causing emotional harm to partners is neither healthy nor is it "normal" ADHD behavior and should it be a pattern it should be addressed by a professional.

My only problem with emotional manipulation is the manipulators themselves.

Many of the behaviors describes here are actually predatory which I am sure had an evolutionary advantage in the stone age but now days should be some thing you are honest about to potential partners, reserve for sexual role playing or on-line forums!

Being insecure is rooted in self - One must be secure in themselves to be capable of being secure in a relationship with another!

[meadd823]

P.S. I don't try to cause drama but some times it happens when I am just being myself.

[mctavish23]

As an ADHD specialist, let me just say ...

Moi, Cause Drama ?

u r welcome

[bumblebe]

Originally Posted by ginniebean

Sometimes causing drama is indicative of personality disorder.

yes....but do people with BPD look at their part when experiencing conflict with others? And when they do find their fault do they then go to make an amends with that person/s?

I also have read that people with BPD basically find themselves to be the victims in every aspect of their lives. I can tell you for a fact that I have never claimed to be a victim. I am fully aware that my life is my creation. Every action has a reaction.

What I do have is a real fear of abandonment. (and I hate admitting I have a fear of abandonment ) for example..I will feel like I am being abandoned by my boyfriend when he says he wants to stay in for the night and get some sleep so he wont be tired at work the next day.

And its only in my relationships with men, not friends or co workers, bosses, peers or family members. Just when it comes down to that one person who I am going to spend the rest of my life with. It is a scary thing to say "your it, your the one"

[mctavish23]

You Still RULE.

Abandonment and Attachment Are Joined At the Hip.

I Vote You "Party On Garth" Whenever "Rico Suave" Wimps Out .

Just Sayin ...


u r welcome