Moving into Adult System, What To Do?
Hello, this is my first post on the forums, so I'd like to introduce myself, my name is Shane Olsen, I'm from Calgary, Canada and 18 years old. I know this isn't the introduction forum but I thought I'd say hello before I got started. I'm quite sorry if my title is vague, honestly I couldn't think of really what to put. I'll try not to make this overly long but it'll probably be pretty close knowing myself.
I'm making my first post here because, well I just found the forums, I have some questions, and in need of some ideas. As I said I'm 18, 19 in September and am being transitioned into the Adult Mental Health in my city, I have currently been in the mental health system on a regular basis (Seeing therapists weekly, medications, programs, etc.) for the just about 8 years, and on a non-regular basis since age 1-2. The main reason I'm here and making this post is because, I have read some of the posts and such and have found alot of interesting things, and similarities, I'm moving into this adult section and frankly, I'm very scared. I haven't had very many good experiences through various mental health programs, workers, medications, etc. Alot of the things I may put here I realize may have no bearing towards any kind of ADHD/ADD but I'm not sure so I'm putting them here, and sorry if I go on a bit long.
I was diagnosed as "Tempermentally Difficult" at around age 1.5-2. I've talked to some therapists who've never heard of it, so for those not sure, what I've been told is I have a short fuse and a big temper, I have trouble with authority, I can be loud, or very unsocial. I do respect thsoe older than me, but if say a teacher is debating something and I think he/she is incorrect, I tend to speak out, not usually rudely (Anymore atleast), but I'll make my opinion known and frankly tlel them I believe theirs is wrong, so thats the authority part so no confusion is there. As a child I was always busy, small and underweightish, lived in Calgary till age 6 and was beat up regularly, moved to a small town and things changed, I played basketball, baseball, soccer, any sports at school, etc. I was popular with my peers and a class clown but had literally no close friends. Was quite social but self-concious and shy, but when around people very loud and outspoken, very busy. Age 10-11 started gaining some weight for some reason, was picked on and beat up again, always got decent grades but not from studying, just reading something, forgetting, and remembering when it was needed. Left school, and was pretty much thrown full into mental health.
Seen a variety of therapists around 30-40, only 3 on a long-term basis, been diagnosed as Bipolar/Manic Depressive, Acute Anxiety, Light-Medium-Severe OCD and Depression, Rage Problems, have been on Respiradol (Gained even more weight, 110 to 180lbs in 3 months at about 5'2 height), Luvox, Effexor, Zoloft, Prozac, Valproic Acid (a.k.a Epi-Val), Wellbutrin, Topamax, Paxil, Ativan, thsoe are the ones I can remember. They had me on SSRI's for years and just last year, after being off them (Except Prozac) for about a year they said it was a horrible idea to put me on them at all. I've had tons of adverse reactions, severe anger, anxiety, depression, violence, just scary stuff. Been off meds since January, and not having a fun time these past couple months, but I'm frightened to let them just say, lets try this and see if it works as they did for a few years and never really did much more than that.
I'm hoping to have some changes in the adult system but I'm still somewhat hesitant. As a child, for whatever reason, likely all the overdignosing in kids they said there was no chance I had any form of ADD/ADHD even though both my parents honestly have (Had in my mothers case, has chronic fatigue, but concentration wise she is bad). I'm hoping to get some idea off what to do and maybe push for something because last recent child psychiatrist said they didn't want to diagnose anything because of all the misdiagnoses in the past.
I read a post by a member named Chain in the topic "Do I have ADD? Please help with your inputs." on his opinion/ideas of genetic traits and I pretty much follow them to a tee, as well as one sticky on one of the boards on the variation of ADD and ADHD, but thats where it gets tricky, I'll make a, short as I can, list, again sorry for all the writing.
-Can concentrate on things of great interest and when I do I can talk on them for ages and know about everything there is to know on them.
-Trouble with self-image, self-esteem, jumpy/agitated/angry when people look at me for longer periods of time
-Cannot look people in the eyes, even when I they shift to look at various things throughout whole conversations
-Making impulse future plans, never happening, just deciding to do something and do it
-Have trouble doing anything sometimes, others cannot stop moving
-Always had severe insomnia, regular 4am-even 3pm sleeping sometimes
-Lose track of things needing to be done or doing at the moment and moving from topic to topic
-Words come out jumbled sometimes, say just worked out, bit jumpy and stammer, already know what I want to say but have to conentrate very hard to make the words come out in order
-move from one topic, to another, than back, takes ages to get to a point or I remember something else or more itneresting and start talking a bout that with no break
-SEVERE Boredom, I realized where my depression comes from. I get really bored, than think I'm sitting here and to anxious to go out, I'm gaining weight/have no one to talk to, etc. causes depression
-I workout, taking supplements, sometimes stimulants, for some reason they calm me down, help me, sleep, and when I work out, at first I feel very hyper and jumpy but after a bit calm and relaxed, not stressed and agitated like usual.
-Sensory issues, can hear things from very far away when not paying attention, had surgery and nose was broken, doesn't work very well anymore but can still smell things better than most people, touch issues, I hate bugs, say I imagine spiders, if I close my eyes I can literally see them on me and if soething brushes me, headphone cord, water from the shower, without even paying attention my arms start to go crazy and just wack at these imaginary things I know aren't there but I feel
-Obviously quite paranoid
Theres more but I've already written quite a novel here so I'd rather not upset to many folks. At the moment, I've been moved out of, quit, or had to leave all my schools, cannot concentrate, etc. Clsoe to finishing Grade 12 as I reall want to go to University, but not in a position too, nor allowed to work at the moment, quit to many jobs and have to take some skills courses before I'm allowed to apply to things, even then, very tough for me. I really hope I haven't upset to many people with this long thing, but I've read some of the posts here andl ike the forums and peoples ideas, and I've run out of my own and honestly because of family stuff, my reactions to other medications and stimulants, and just all the similarities, I think I may have found my stem of anxiety and depression, rather than just those by themselves and if I can get some new ideas I can find out if maybe pushing this with a new psychiatrist i nthe adult system is worth it, cause I'd rather not go through a bunch of more medications and wind up worse off. There's probably alot more, and if anyone has questions, feel free to ask away because as long as this is I've run through a ton of stuff and let various things out to keep it semi-short. Thanks, and sorry for this long thing and hope it made some sort of sense.
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