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Old 09-28-15, 05:55 PM
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Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

As a woman, I find one of two things happens, when I meet a man and tell him about my conditions and/or difficulties. They are either compassionate, but reject me and don't want to be with me. They inevitably run for the hills.

Or I meet the ones who don't really get it. Or don't really believe it, or see it. And they want to be with me b/c they ultimately don't really believe it's as bad as I say it is. I've actually dated 2 guys who actually told me that they think I think it's worse than it is. I'm like wow! What a jerk. I should've broken things off immediately. Bu tthe sad thing is, I stick in and try to convince and clarify. But the issue is some people are compassionless jerks and can't believe things that they can't see.

Mostly I'm agnry at myself for putting up with it. I mean what are they doing w/me if they think I'm either lying or delusional? Right?!

I actually manage it much better now and even have a part-time job again, after many years on disability. I am not 100% but I'm doing better, which can make it even more difficult for guys to "believe" me. It's so maddening and frustrating.
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Old 01-08-16, 08:43 PM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

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Originally Posted by gothceltgirl View Post
As a woman, I find one of two things happens, when I meet a man and tell him about my conditions and/or difficulties. They are either compassionate, but reject me and don't want to be with me. They inevitably run for the hills.

Or I meet the ones who don't really get it. Or don't really believe it, or see it. And they want to be with me b/c they ultimately don't really believe it's as bad as I say it is. I've actually dated 2 guys who actually told me that they think I think it's worse than it is. I'm like wow! What a jerk. I should've broken things off immediately. Bu tthe sad thing is, I stick in and try to convince and clarify. But the issue is some people are compassionless jerks and can't believe things that they can't see.

Mostly I'm agnry at myself for putting up with it. I mean what are they doing w/me if they think I'm either lying or delusional? Right?!

I actually manage it much better now and even have a part-time job again, after many years on disability. I am not 100% but I'm doing better, which can make it even more difficult for guys to "believe" me. It's so maddening and frustrating.

Join the club! This is one of the reasons I've been single now for 10+ years! Your "modern woman" wants to run around everywhere, go to yoga class, then to bars or run around at the mall, driving around town and spending all day in traffic.

What ever happened to the traditional homemaker or woman who just wants to hang out, watch a movie, read a book or be indoors with friends and family???

Not trying to turn this into a battle of the sexes but it's even more daunting for us men trying to keep up with women because society has conditioned women and men to where women are supposed to be perfect and as a guy you're supposed to be all these unrealistic things to women and give into her never ending demands.

Now I know not all genders are like this but for the most part both genders have been conditioned to have unrealistic expectations of one another.

Yes I've found it difficult to date being tired all the time, so maybe I need to date somebody where the both of us can nap all day instead of going to some stupid place trendy people go to!
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Old 01-09-16, 03:28 AM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

Lots of people have a hard time understanding invisible illnesses (if that's what you're referring to).

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with guys.

I can assure you they are not all like that.

Have you considered dating someone with a similar disorder/condition as you? Maybe they would be more understanding and compassionate.

It is really difficult for most people to understand things that don't affect them at all.
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Old 01-09-16, 03:39 AM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lloyd_ View Post
Join the club! This is one of the reasons I've been single now for 10+ years! Your "modern woman" wants to run around everywhere, go to yoga class, then to bars or run around at the mall, driving around town and spending all day in traffic.
I think this is a bit unfair to say. I'm a woman and I don't run around everywhere, go to yoga class, I dislike bars and malls, and I don't drive.

Yeah, lots of woman are like you describe. There's nothing wrong with that, that's just how they are.

Do keep in mind something very important: the women who DO like to hang out at home and do things you like - guess what? They are probably...hanging out at home.

You just don't know they exist because they aren't out in public.

Quote:
What ever happened to the traditional homemaker or woman who just wants to hang out, watch a movie, read a book or be indoors with friends and family???
I'm a very traditional and old-fashioned person, even though I'm 22.

I enjoy spending time with those I love, I enjoy being at home, I enjoy cooking for my fiancé when I can, doing sweet things for him, and I just love being with him.

Quote:
Not trying to turn this into a battle of the sexes but it's even more daunting for us men trying to keep up with women because society has conditioned women and men to where women are supposed to be perfect and as a guy you're supposed to be all these unrealistic things to women and give into her never ending demands.
I didn't know that was a thing that existed, I thought relationships were about respect for both people and getting your needs met and having a loving relationship.

I think the media tries to lie to us to tell us that things are supposed to be the way you described...but it's just lies.

I don't think it's a male vs female thing, I think it's about two people finding the partner right for them.

Quote:
Now I know not all genders are like this but for the most part both genders have been conditioned to have unrealistic expectations of one another.

Yes I've found it difficult to date being tired all the time, so maybe I need to date somebody where the both of us can nap all day instead of going to some stupid place trendy people go to!
I don't think I have unrealistic expectations of my partner, and he doesn't have unrealistic expectations of me.

We have our needs and values that we have made clear to each other, and we do our best to get those needs met for each other and we respect each other's values. It really comes down to treating the other person how you want to be treated, and loving them completely.

I dislike going out to trendy places or being around large groups of people, I'm totally comfy just me and my fiancé spending the day together indoors or going out in nature in a location where it's just the two of us.

Sounds like you have been meeting people who aren't right for you.

I just wanted to write this post so that you know there ARE people out there who value the things you value, and so please do not lose hope.
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Old 01-09-16, 03:53 AM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lloyd_ View Post
Join the club! This is one of the reasons I've been single now for 10+ years! Your "modern woman" wants to run around everywhere, go to yoga class, then to bars or run around at the mall, driving around town and spending all day in traffic.

What ever happened to the traditional homemaker or woman who just wants to hang out, watch a movie, read a book or be indoors with friends and family???
My best friend from high school in the states is a traditional homemaker with 2 kids. I always stay with her for a few days, when im in the states I.ve never seen someone run so many errands! ( i go with her so we can talk in the car and stop for coffee etc, I only see her a couple of times a year). Its exhausting! i didnt do a tenth of that stuff when my son was little.

lol, you might not meet these women who just want to hang out cause they are chilling at home!

I dont have a fatigue health problem, i work full time but I need a lot of down time and people seem just do so much stuff out of work, it baffles me. if i go out during the week its a huge effort even if its something ivee really been looking forward to, and exhausts me for the remaining days.
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Old 01-09-16, 07:58 AM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lloyd_ View Post
Join the club! This is one of the reasons I've been single now for 10+ years! Your "modern woman" wants to run around everywhere, go to yoga class, then to bars or run around at the mall, driving around town and spending all day in traffic.
Are you serious? No one uses the term modern woman.

Quote:
What ever happened to the traditional homemaker or woman who just wants to hang out, watch a movie, read a book or be indoors with friends and family???
Those kind of women still exist....they live in the middle east and cant go outside without a male escort.

Quote:
Not trying to turn this into a battle of the sexes but it's even more daunting for us men trying to keep up with women because society has conditioned women and men to where women are supposed to be perfect and as a guy you're supposed to be all these unrealistic things to women and give into her never ending demands.
So a woman who advocates for her needs is actually making never ending demands?
You say this isnt a battle of the sexes but you just made some pretty backwards blanket statements.
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Old 04-30-16, 01:59 AM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

Ah Lloyd, magic word: nap. I love to take naps. My best friend and I used to sometimes take a nap together. So nice. Such a different pace than my younger, more energetic days of always being on the go. I have always been an extrovert, so I enjoy being out & about, going out, partying, but now it's just so exhuasting sometimes just to simply get out of bed & dressed. Then it's like well, I think I'm done. Check my email, do a few things online & I'm counting the hours until bedtime. I've always been very non-traditional. But I've met a few good guys, but they all live far away or something. Just my luck I suppose.

I still really miss going out & partying though. I never really got to get it out of my system. I was 25 when I got sick. I'm 41 now. Then again, I don't know if I ever would have really settled down. Having ADD I just want to go, go, go & keep changing or I get bored & restless. And being bored & restless makes me uber cranky.
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Old 04-30-16, 02:03 AM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

Oh & trendy places suck big time. They usually only look cool from the outside, but once you're inside, that's when it all changes... No one is talking to anyone, they're just there to be seen. I never know what to do with my hands. I feel like I'm in high school again and I'm at some party w/all the cool kids ignoring me. Definitely give me a down to earth hole in the wall any day.
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Old 04-30-16, 02:08 AM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

I don't really meet a lot of guys with similar problems, maybe I should look for some. Maybe a support group or something. But honestly I've kind of resigned myself to being single. I'm a very non-traditional non-monogamous person nowadays anyways. So I'm just fine with whatever. I'm tired of being with unsupportive dicks. My last boyfriend was a doozy. He gave me a hard time about stuff I had no control over. I'm sure you know the type. Invisible illnesses are the worst.

Been having a really hard time since losing my job. Now I'm isolated, in a new city and all my friends are elsewhere. My BFF is moving to Mass.

I'm trying to get a handle on my illnesses enough to find some part time work of some kind. I've got so many conditions for working though b/c of also having a circadian rhythm disorder. I can't sleep & wake early at all. No matter what. It's just impossible. Working at night is my only recourse, if I can work at all. Just went to the doc yesterday, got a few new prescriptions. Here's hoping...

Still no help w/ADD though, sadly...
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Old 03-24-17, 03:28 PM
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Re: Have people found it difficult to date w/fatigue?

Homemakers normally are running kids around to their activities
Yoga is great it helps to learn how to focus on one task at a time
Homemakers need out cause it can getting boring just eating meals and watching movies at home they need home breaks is why the best ones are Ton boys cause we like a little of both life's men should have their just guy times too that's when the lady should do with her women things It helps to tell them once they know u after a few dates at least all we can do is educate others is all . Women become bored after become 8 or more hrs per day hope this helps u get why
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