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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 08-08-17, 04:16 AM
Charliebrown Charliebrown is offline

Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Kansas City, MO
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Tables Turned

Iím an older male just diagnosed with ADHD. Itís been a real eye opener, mostly in how Iíve treated my spouse of many years. I devasted her life. Sheís completely numb. She got to the point of hating me and resenting everything about me. This was a real kick in the gut to learn.

But now we have the diagnosis and we have just started counseling. She says she wants to fix things and understands ADHD. She clearly wants to try and thatís great.

ButÖ She is so broken. We have talked a great deal and she says she needs space and time, and sheís going to need lots of it. I donít blame her and I understand.

But now the tables have ironically turned. My eyes are open to what Iíve done over the past years and now I yearn for my wife back. But now she is cold and distant. Weíve talked about this and she doesnít like that she feels that way, but healing the deep scars is a long process.

Now I feel alone and unloved, with a wife who shows no affection and seems distant, and I donít feel like part her life. I have ADHD so my mind spins and spins and spins about this and I end up with great anxiety. I am trying so hard to make corrections in my behaviors and manage my ADHD as best I can. I am hiding all my anxiety and stress from her because she needs to see Iím working things out, which I am. But it is absolutely killing me not to see any kind of progress from her.

We just started therapy. Time between weekly visits is an eternity. We are still so early in the process I feel like they have done nothing for us yet.

I donít know how to manage this. A week feels like a year, progress seems so slow. I need to know sheís healing. I need to know sheís moving back to me, even if itís slowly. I desperately need signs that I can see even with my ADHD deficiencies. Iím going crazy with stress and anxiety over this. My brain keeps running and coming up with all kinds of unpleasant scenarios and I canít beat them down. Iím not eating or sleeping. I just want my spouse backÖ which is all she wanted for years, adding to my guilt.
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The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Charliebrown For This Useful Post:
aeon (08-08-17), ginniebean (08-08-17), Lash107 (02-05-18), Little Missy (08-08-17), PoppnNSailinMan (08-14-17), someothertime (08-08-17), ToneTone (08-14-17)


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