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  #121  
Old 11-08-15, 04:35 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I felt like that when I had an official diagnosis for dysthymia (a couple of years ago, at 35).
All the things I could have done. All those years of feeling useless, being seen as lazy etc. But then I think of all the ways things could have gone worse. Worse like ending up with the wrong doctor, being given the wrong treatment. Being stuffed with benzos and developing an addiction to them- things can always be worse.
But I was angry. Tears-in-my-eyes angry for a very long time.

I was angry these past few months too. Now that my depressive symptoms have lifted I tried to figure why all these issues persisted. Issues it took me a long time to identify because when you've been a certain way for all your life it is hard to consider it as something worthy of mention. If you have a very hard time beginning or completing projects for example you assume you are just lazy.

In these months of trying to figure this out I got angry too. Here doctors hardly know what ADD even is and when they do they assume is a childhood thing (exclusively). Also they think you are supposed to be jumping off the walls and fidgeting non stop.

I paid HUNDREDS of Euros (psych appointments don't come cheap) to be given the oddest diagnoses.
Until I met my new doc (one in three maybe four in Italy) who knows that this is.
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  #122  
Old 02-27-16, 07:13 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I have been going through this the last 3 weeks. But my first reaction wasn't relief like the above says, I was purely shocked by how many areas this disorder was affecting. I mean, I knew I was forgetful and unfocused, impulsive...but wow, EVERYTHING. I would sit in shock as things would happen that I had never experience before. Example, phone rings...avoid. Just too overwhelmed with doing what ever it is I am doing, can't handle one more distraction. After meds, phone rings.. I don't even think about not answering it I just answer it, discuss what ever issue is with such ease and then get off phone...without feeling discombobulated. Another thing is moderation. My whole life people would aske me, what's your biggest goal? I'd answer "learn moderation" everything was either way too much this way or that...eating disorder; either bingeing or anorexic, never just eating something normal and then not obsessing about it. I was in such shock I would sit for hours and just stare and the sudden reality of my condition.
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  #123  
Old 02-28-16, 01:16 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Wow Shamindo, that sounds just like me, especially the eating disorders. I can't believe I've survived 35 years without anyone suggesting that I might be ADHD. After suicide attempts, eating disorders, major relationship issues, etc. My "daydreaming" and "overactive imagination" were jokes when I was growing up, as were my impulsive decisions, low self esteem, and lack of patience. I'm really a bit angry about it.
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  #124  
Old 03-08-16, 04:12 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Thought I should come back to the nest for a bit...... Yep the last 2 posts have a great list of crap to deal with for being diagnosed with adhd... well @60 I can add being divorced for being me... now if that doesn’t just bite the big one.
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  #125  
Old 03-08-16, 04:26 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

grape ninja, so sorry yes it bites and hard. Good to see ya.
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  #126  
Old 09-29-16, 08:35 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Quote:
Originally Posted by leapofaith View Post
Employers also need to understand the challenge facing the newly diagnosed
adult and how the disability may affect his or her productivity. Often newly diagnosed
employees have not met employer expectations, and the employees will need to remedy
this. Employees need to learn about their disabilities and how to accommodate them.
These employees may not know their rights, how to ask appropriately for reasonable
accommodations, or how their disability is manifested. Employers should be encouraged
to instruct their personnel manager to expedite this process by being open to the
recommendations of consulting professionals who have worked with the employees. An
informed employer will be aware that the process for a newly diagnosed adult to become
a better worker can be emotionally difficult for the employee. Thus, it is important for an
employer to be flexible. This may include reducing the employee’s responsibilities or
granting a temporary leave of absence (i.e., mental health days). It is important for an
employer to remember that often it is less expensive to help the employee through this
transition than it is to terminate the individual, search for, hire and train another
employee. The above assumes there have been no violations of the employee’s civil
rights (i.e., ADA, etc.).
I would have no idea how to approach my company about my adhd or what accommodation they would give me. My concern is if they even knew they would try to find a way to fire me.
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  #127  
Old 12-12-16, 09:33 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I....... didn't know there was a grief process. Didn't know anybody who grieved when they found out about their Dx. From what I read, I see more people relieved about it. You said you were on these forums before you went to a Dr?
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  #128  
Old 04-26-17, 03:36 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

As a child, I was a straight A student, I was accepted into a program for High School Juniors and Seniors who got concurrent Freshman and Sophomore credits while living on a college campus. I graduated from college and was accepted into a PhD program in molecular biology. But I didn't finish my PhD and my mom accused me of never finishing anything I started. In 2006 my grandmother died. I had prolonged grief that also exacerbated an eating disorder. After inpatient and outpatient treatment, my psychiatrist and I talked about my problems with impulse control. He put me on Adderrall. I was also back in school and suddenly I could pay attention in class. Before I just relied on being smart. I managed a second Bachelors degree, in Nursing (a 15 month fast-track program). All of the joy in my life has come from my diagnosis of ADHD. I got the degree I started at 19 but quit. I left an unhappy and emotionally abusive marriage. I met the love of my life who shares ADD with me (though I'm the hyperactive one). And now I finish what I start. It's ok to say, "my life before I was diagnosed was wasted on...". I understand that because I was diagnosed in my 30's and left a PhD program. But my life after diagnosis has been full of wonderful experiences and moments of gratitude. I never had grief from the past except for remaining in a marriage that hurt more often than not. Everything that has passed was my life. I lived it, I made something of myself regardless. I'm all that much better off now because my treatment helps me concentrate and treat my patients to the absolute best of my abilities. I may have had a second or two of grief but it was followed shortly by relief.

I so appreciate this subject because we all experience things differently and knowing that others feel the same as you makes the world so much less lonely. But having different experiences also allows us to see life through another lens. My grandmother always told my me that one thing no one could take from me was my education. Fortunately, this forum gives us a chance to learn.
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  #129  
Old 04-29-17, 09:12 PM
Letching Gray Letching Gray is offline
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Quote:
I was accepted into a program for High School Juniors and Seniors who got concurrent Freshman and Sophomore credits while living on a college campus.
What is the name of that college? Sounds amazing

Quote:
He put me on Adderrall. I was also back in school and suddenly I could pay attention in class.
Being smart is advantageous, to be sure. Without being able to pay attention, you were a straight A student. I'm confused. If you couldn't pay attention until you were taking Adderall and you received all As, which other cognitive functions kicked in that compensated for not knowing the material?

Last edited by namazu; 05-04-17 at 10:38 PM.. Reason: removed details for privacy of another member
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  #130  
Old 04-30-17, 11:07 AM
Letching Gray Letching Gray is offline
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BBSurf37 View Post
I....... didn't know there was a grief process. Didn't know anybody who grieved when they found out about their Dx. From what I read, I see more people relieved about it. You said you were on these forums before you went to a Dr?

To discover that the problems we experienced were the result of an undiagnosed, treatable condition, that those agonizing years may have been unnecessary, can take going through some grief to process it.
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  #131  
Old 05-08-17, 05:02 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Letching Gray View Post
Being smart is advantageous, to be sure. Without being able to pay attention, you were a straight A student. I'm confused. If you couldn't pay attention until you were taking Adderall and you received all As, which other cognitive functions kicked in that compensated for not knowing the material?
The material was never difficult for me, so needing to pay attention was moot. I grew up in a rural community with less than challenging material. I probably also had hyper focus in some subjects (such as biology). I learned a lot by doing, like helping my father with car repairs. There was a lot of interesting discussion at our dinner table. And I had a mother who expected nothing less than straight A's.
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  #132  
Old 07-28-17, 07:35 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I've been up and down with it - at first I was pleased that it wasn't depression or bipolar, which had never felt like the answer, but had some of the same symptoms. then i felt sad and depressed for the many years i had suffered, not knowing what was wrong with me and why i felt different from everyone else. all the pain of feeling alone and drowning. i allowed myself a bit of time to grieve but soon i started to feel hopeful that i could fix things up by researching and informing myself - learning strategies. for about a year this seemed to be working slowly, as i pieced my life together. omg it felt slow and laborious but i was making plans and sticking to them. then one day something happened at work and it all came crashing down again. a big depression ensued as i realised that i had just been repeating so much of what i'd messed up before, with people and friendships. i'd ignored the warning signs and kept ploughing on. i have an idea of how to go about things differently to not repeat mistakes but i just feel like my adhd is still in control and i will be doing this dance for some time.
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  #133  
Old 07-29-17, 06:27 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Hi--

I was d/x'd less than a week ago and I guess I'm angry, because this looked like so many other illnesses to so many doctors and I wasted a lot of time self-medicating OR being medicated for conditions that were not mine. Looking forward to reading more and talking in this forum. Thanks.
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-Albert Einstein
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  #134  
Old 11-02-17, 11:41 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I too am grieving. I am thirty three and got my ADHD diagnosis three months ago. There was relief for sure, a kind of cooling of the engine. As I reflect on those first couple of weeks it has occurred to me that the relief was and is still really about being seen. When I took the tests or read (read: skimmed) the books and articles and had my doctor reflect back to me that all these things I experienced together make a whole.

There are so many memories crashing in now. Fourth year of university I took seven classes, two seminar courses that were incredibly intense, because I wanted to graduate. I was under the impression, on account of my careless and impulsive nature, that I was down two credits and would not be able to graduate without all seven. Most people were taking three or four. I had to have special approval from the department, letters from professors. I was very charismatic in person and made a compelling argument for approval. Within a week I was completely overwhelmed. I thought I could do it all and it some ways the amount of work I had forced my hand, I stayed up all night many nights trying to finish. I ate chocolate bars by the package and started drinking coffee (pumpkin spice lattes anyone?). I felt insane and depressed. I nearly failed one of the courses, glided through a couple with Bs and miraculously got an A in both my seminars. So I was successful right? I hunkered down and accomplished an enormous feat. Yes, it's true. But I was a shell of a person just desperate to hold it all together. My diary entries from the time are so obsessive, no relating to reality. And the thing that hurts the most, the thing that prompted me to tell you - you person who is struggling with whats behind you too - is that I have this shame about it all. "Shame: The Ultimate Self Blame Game. One of those big fourth year seminars I took was with this amazing professor whom I adored. In class I was attentive and vibrant, I had opinions and shared openly - the class was an ongoing discussion on the politics and commodification of romance and art. We had four papers due during the course - that was it - and if you were busy with other work we were given the option to re-weight the papers and opt out of any paper leading up to the final: you could do 25 x 4 or 25, 25 and 50. So, and rightly, if you missed the final paper you wouldn't be able to pass the course. I got an A on the first paper. The second one was largely incomplete, I was not at my best at that point: got a B-. And then I just fell apart. I kept going to class, I know because the text book I saved has my highlighting and scrawling throughout - I was trying, desperately to be the student I knew I could be but I couldn't retain the information or follow through and complete assignments, I would burn out before I ever got past the first 500 words. I never handed in the final two papers. I KNEW I had failed to pass and failed to get my diploma. I isolated myself, told no one what I had done. I never even attempted to speak to the prof I had loved learning from. The day our transcripts came out everyone was so excited, moving on to masters programs and work in the city. I was shaking as I opened the envelope. How would I explain my failure to the professors who had granted approval, to my parents, to my peers. I had friends who averaged Cs and got the occasional F. I judged them out of fear. If I didn't pass I wouldn't go back for the final credit, I vowed to myself.

But the transcript read
A - fourth year seminar
A- - fourth year seminar
B - comm studies
B+ - philosphy
B - business
C- comm studies
D philosophy

He gave me an A-. Still shaking I wept and tears stained the paper. How could it be that I am free to move on? School had been so damn hard.

I never told anyone what had happened. I never spoke to the professor, not even a thank you. I was terrified that someone would take away my achievement. Still, I felt like a failure on the inside, like I cheated the system.

The next few months were excruciating. I was so depressed, anxious, I lost 25 pounds and was triggered constantly. I felt I was in danger and losing my mind: flight and fight. Eventually I came down to earth, I moved to a city and began counselling. Not once in those seven years of therapy did my lovely therapist suggest ADHD. That relationship ended six months ago, two months later my doctor insisted I try something. We tested and I passed with flying colours.

I have ADHD and I am haunted by the painful ghosts of my youth.

I have ADHD and I a feel so alone.

I have ADHD and I am relieved to know I am not alone.

I have ADHD and graduated from university with two mother ******* As.

Thank you for reading: I take biphentin and it helps.
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