We both pay for my lack of organisation

[Fuzzy12]

I feel like we are missing out on so much because of inAbility to plan...more importantly my inAbility to quickly replant when things. Things chAnge all the time.fuzzling pretty much never does as expected and I feel completely unable to plan much. So too many days we stay at home or just go to the park or do a bit of shopping. Once a week

[stef]

She's still very young, I wouldn't worry about this for now
It will be much, much easier to plan (and change) outings once she's a bit older, and no longer needs an afternoon nap, stroller, etc.

[peripatetic]

so...i think i understand where you're coming from. you don't want to plan things and then have her fussy or needing to nap, etc...is that the gist?

here's my take: plan anyway and plan to have **** blow up on you. just roll with it.

here's why i say that though: when i first had e, i was so ...like, i didn't want to be that person with my child fussing out in the world. but she has to get used to the world, which doesn't revolve around her. so i just pack snacks and extra everything. i also did babywearing, so her strapped to me and me with a backpack and we hopped on the bus and went.

even now, she's 2.5 ish and she lay on the floor of a grocery mart earlier this morning. i just scooped her up and we moved on. i mean, i talk her through it. if she's tired...that's one thing where i'll adjust plans. she's currently napping and we're supposed to meet up with a new-to-us mum and child this afternoon. if she naps it out, i'll text to say we can't come and reschedule. i'm not going to wake her. but i try to schedule things in the morning, right after she wakes and gets breakfast....which puts us out of the house between seven and eight, mostly...or in the late afternoon (but that's always dicey).

i conform a lot to what she needs, but she also must fit into our family's needs. and, today, for example, we had some shopping to do. she was a gem for most of it, but she wanted to play ball about twenty minutes before the playground was able to happen. she fussed and went full floor and lay there and it only lasted as long as it took me to pay for my groceries. then i scooped her and we went to the playground and kicked around her ball. she lived, is my point.

i think our culture sometimes teaches us that children must be perfect or seen and not heard. that's just unrealistic. and they're part of the world, too. i think it's more important to socialise her and expose her to things than to have her never lose her **** a little.

i've grown more confident about being able to manage it by doing exactly that. and sometimes not doing it especially well. you got this, fuzzy. if you want her out there, just pack up and head out...and mentally prepare yourself for *everything* to go wrong...but for you both to get through it just fine. and then the next time will be easier, i swear.

xx

[WhiteOwl]

It's hard to do anything with a young kid. Just to get out the door, you have to make sure they're dressed and you have to pack like a billion things, because the one thing you don't take is the one thing you will need.

I've had to stop taking my 2 yr old grocery shopping, period. He stays home with grandma now, and naps. He used to do ok, but then he hit this stage where he will not sit in the grocery cart, he wants to run around the store like crazy. Nothing I do distracts him, even giving him my cell phone to play with. He will not sit in the cart, let me carry him, nothing short of running around and doing whatever he wants. I don't take him anywhere where he has to sit still and be quiet. It was the same way with my 5 yr old, I could never take him to story time at the library or anything like that. It always seems like it's only my kids that are like this.

It does get better when they're a little older, though.

[Fuzzy12]

Thanks guys. I hadn't even planned to post this. fell asleep halfway through and must have somehow hit submit.

I'll write prooerluj again what I mean.

[InvitroCanibal]

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12

I feel like we are missing out on so much because of inAbility to plan...more importantly my inAbility to quickly replant when things. Things chAnge all the time.fuzzling pretty much never does as expected and I feel completely unable to plan much. So too many days we stay at home or just go to the park or do a bit of shopping. Once a week

If planning doesn't work for you, then why plan?

The point of planning, is to figure out what you won't be able to do. So that you know what you'll have time for.

Otherwise it's just a preordained guilt trip.

If you do plan, consider that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. If you get ready in 15 minutes one day, and 30 minutes another day, give yourself 30 minutes to get ready when you plan it out.

If it is a motivation issue, you have to ask yourself if you really want to go out?

Why not?

Are you tired?

If yes, then you have to plan not to go out as often until you resolve feeling tired, or simply plan not to go out as often.

Also,

You can go through life without planning. One way is using motivational interviewing on yourself,

The goal is to ask yourself, "What could I do today and what am I actually willing to do today?"

Start small, and look for building consistency.

Another option is to use Gamification.

Gamification works through Hypothesis testing, challenge, and feedback.

It's similar to Motivational Interviewing.

Make a hypothesis/strategy for that day/week.

Test it by implementing it,

Observe the outcome.

It only works if you track yourself, using metrics, such as time, mood, and consistency.

The point is to draw feedback from your environment and to not get stuck in one approach to everything. To learn from your mistakes, and realize that mistakes provide you with feedback and information that you can use to learn more about yourself.

[sarahsweets]

I always was sensitive about my kids being fussy but only when the were in an place that was more adult. If we ate out we went at kid friendly dinner times when other kids would be out. We didnt believe that our kids needed to be having dinner at 9pm just because we wanted to be out at 9pm. We didnt take them to fancy places when they were infants or toddlers. We never were selfish to think that because we adored and our kids that everyone else had to as well. We minded them so that no one else felt like it was their reponsibility. If they were having tantrums we left. We left a place before appetizers once cause my son has throwing a fit. I have left carts of groceries at customer service and taken my kids home because of tantrums and had to go back to pay and pick them up.If there was something we really wanted to do and it was iffy due to the babies' schedule we didnt do it unless we had someone to stay them.

Bottom line: We loved them and they were good kids but our responsibility. We always had a plan B and C and they turned out pretty good.