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Old 11-08-17, 02:09 PM
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Thumbs down Being ignored on dating sites

Nope, I don't just mean that odd shallow/flaky person, i'm talking about being ignored by everyone, quite literally.

I've tried all sorts of dialog openers. Everything ranging from a simple "hi", to the most cringeworthy jokes. (which I won't share on here)

In any case, nothing I say works. I know they've read my message, because it tells me they've read my message, but there's never any response, ever.

I know i'm not what society and mainstream considers a "looker", but the women I message aren't exactly pro-model material either.... but I kind of get the impression that THEY think they are?

Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever?
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Old 11-08-17, 02:42 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

I had the same thing, nobody chats with me on dating sites beyond a "hello" unless they happen to be a creep who proposes marriage after, quite literally, 5 minutes and that's if I'm lucky. Most people just never respond to me

And the 5 minutes thing, I am referring to the following type of conversation:

Hello
How are you
Will you marry me

(literally)
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Old 11-08-17, 03:20 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

Do you have a username like "bigDaddy" (saw that one today) or something with "king" or "stud" or something like that in it? What does your profile say?

Do you look at their profiles and ask/talk about any of their interests?

I've "heard" that dating sites have a very disproportionate ratio of males to females. I don't know if that's true or not, but that could explain why so many guys say they get ignored and so many women say they get desperate sounding messages.
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Old 11-08-17, 03:37 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by midnightstar View Post
I had the same thing, nobody chats with me on dating sites beyond a "hello" unless they happen to be a creep who proposes marriage after, quite literally, 5 minutes and that's if I'm lucky. Most people just never respond to me

And the 5 minutes thing, I am referring to the following type of conversation:

Hello
How are you
Will you marry me

(literally)
Hey, we have something in common.






Let's get married!

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
Do you have a username like "bigDaddy" (saw that one today) or something with "king" or "stud" or something like that in it? What does your profile say?

Do you look at their profiles and ask/talk about any of their interests?

I've "heard" that dating sites have a very disproportionate ratio of males to females. I don't know if that's true or not, but that could explain why so many guys say they get ignored and so many women say they get desperate sounding messages.
No, it's not "bigDaddy". Perhaps I should try that one out though?

My profile is kind of bland, but that's because my life is pretty bland, I don't really have much in the way of interests to talk about, because i'm terrible at pretty much everything and lose interest in a heartbeat.

But that's no different from their own profiles. I would ask them about one of their interests, but their profiles almost never say anything about them.

Is "hi" desperate?
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Old 11-08-17, 04:16 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post

No, it's not "bigDaddy". Perhaps I should try that one out though?
No, don't!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762
My profile is kind of bland, but that's because my life is pretty bland, I don't really have much in the way of interests to talk about, because i'm terrible at pretty much everything and lose interest in a heartbeat.

But that's no different from their own profiles. I would ask them about one of their interests, but their profiles almost never say anything about them.
You don't have to be good at something to be interested in it. You could even say it's something you're improving your skills in. You can talk about your personality, goals, etc. I wouldn't message anyone who has nothing or almost nothing in their profile. How in the world can you know if you're interested if they don't say anything about themselves? Try to avoid those ones.

Have you tried POF? They match you with compatible people and give you a list of "top prospects".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Frazer_0762
Is "hi" desperate?
"Hi" is not desperate, but there are a lot of "hi" comments, so it's easy to ignore. These are a few I've seen so far that made me cringe. "Hi beautiful" (a better alternative would be something more specific to that person, less generic), kissy emojis (slap yourself if you do that), "What are you up to tonight?" (Maybe it's just me, but that strikes me as creepy). Ideally, the best message would be something related to a shared interest you see in their profile, something that's unique and non-generic. Otherwise, you're just going to sound like all the rest and not stand out.

I replied to one message I got and he replied back promptly, but it was a very short answer to my question and didn't elaborate much or ask me anything about myself. So now I'm wondering what that means. This online dating thing is confusing.
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Old 11-08-17, 04:27 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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I replied to one message I got and he replied back promptly, but it was a very short answer to my question and didn't elaborate much or ask me anything about myself. So now I'm wondering what that means. This online dating thing is confusing.
If he was like me, then he probably didn't know what to say or what to ask. I find saying nothing is better, because i'd just end up asking an awkward question just for the sake of saying something. Those don't end well.
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Old 11-08-17, 04:37 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
If he was like me, then he probably didn't know what to say or what to ask. I find saying nothing is better, because i'd just end up asking an awkward question just for the sake of saying something. Those don't end well.
That makes sense, but why message someone in the first place then? He's the one who messaged me! I'll give it a couple more messages, but I'm not going to carry the conversation by myself.

I say awkward things, too, but I think saying something is better than saying nothing. At least you're trying.
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Old 11-08-17, 04:44 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
That makes sense, but why message someone in the first place then? He's the one who messaged me! I'll give it a couple more messages, but I'm not going to carry the conversation by myself.

I say awkward things, too, but I think saying something is better than saying nothing. At least you're trying.
Perhaps he is trying, but just genuinely doesn't know what to say. Don't assume that all men can lead the conversation. If he could, then he probably wouldn't even be on a dating website, hiding behind a computer screen. Because he wouldn't need to.
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Old 11-08-17, 04:52 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Perhaps he is trying, but just genuinely doesn't know what to say. Don't assume that all men can lead the conversation. If he could, then he probably wouldn't even be on a dating website, hiding behind a computer screen. Because he wouldn't need to.
Well, I'm hiding behind a computer screen, too, lol! And I'm awkward as hell, that's the point of talking online first!

But it is good to hear your perspective and I'm not trying to hijack your thread (sorry).

You seem to talk fine on this forum and I think you speak/converse very well. People seem to like you and I like the things you say, so
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Old 11-08-17, 04:58 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Well, I'm hiding behind a computer screen, too, lol! And I'm awkward as hell, that's the point of talking online first!

But it is good to hear your perspective and I'm not trying to hijack your thread (sorry).

You seem to talk fine on this forum and I think you speak/converse very well. People seem to like you and I like the things you say, so
It's not the same though. I can talk about things, but I can't talk about myself, at least, not in a positive way.

I'm the exact opposite of what a woman is looking for. Jobless, unmotivated, got nothing going on in my life. I don't have looks to hide behind either. I seem to be the polar opposite of what is considered attractive in a man, yet, can't seem to do a damn thing about it.
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Old 11-08-17, 05:08 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

In general, men get many less responses than women do.

If you decide to message someone, make sure it is because something really speaks to you from their profile...not just their looks, not just because of something they said...the whole profile, overall, must capture your interest.

Which makes the next part easy...

Write to them, but don’t just say hello, and don’t start off with a joke (unless that’s really your thing)...give them some feedback about what you read in their profile, say why it caught your interest, and because you have some real interest, ask some questions about those things they care about.

Based on what I have just said, it makes sense to put forth some real effort toward making your own profile complete, open-ended, and relevant to those things you care about.

You’re creating something to communicate who you are, what interests you, what you are looking for...and be authentic about those things, because this is not a situation where you want to present yourself as anyone other than you are. That said, it isn’t necessary to list those things that challenge you in life unless you want to (and I’d still recommend against it). There will be time enough for those things, should that become necessary.

You’re trying to tell a person who you are and why you might be someone they would find interest in. That said, your profile is not an advertisement, and you are not selling yourself.

And make sure your photos (and yes, you should have a few) are current, meaning nothing older than 6 months. They don’t need to be professional (though that won’t hurt), but make sure they really show who you are...both in the sense of what you look like, and what you do and where you do it.


Cheers,
Ian
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Old 11-08-17, 05:16 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

I spoke too soon. He messaged again with questions this time. Why did I want questions? That means I have to answer them.
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Old 11-08-17, 05:19 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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It's not the same though. I can talk about things, but I can't talk about myself, at least, not in a positive way.

I'm the exact opposite of what a woman is looking for. Jobless, unmotivated, got nothing going on in my life. I don't have looks to hide behind either. I seem to be the polar opposite of what is considered attractive in a man, yet, can't seem to do a damn thing about it.
Aren't you working towards the DJ thing? I hope you're not giving up on that if it's what you want to do.
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Old 11-08-17, 05:23 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Aren't you working towards the DJ thing? I hope you're not giving up on that if it's what you want to do.
Yeah, I even ended up getting a proper DJ controller thing. But i'm hopeless. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get things to sound right. I also don't know if i'll ever have the confidence to make a public gig. What if i'm horrible and everybody there gets mad at me or something?
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Old 11-08-17, 05:37 PM
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Re: Being ignored on dating sites

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Yeah, I even ended up getting a proper DJ controller thing. But i'm hopeless. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get things to sound right. I also don't know if i'll ever have the confidence to make a public gig. What if i'm horrible and everybody there gets mad at me or something?
Follow your bliss, and in time you will possess both competence in, and mastery of, the skills you have chosen to practice and learn.

If it came easily to you, would it mean as much, would it be worth your effort?

Frustration aside, if at the heart of things you have love for what you do, I have no reason to be worried about your success (as you would define it).


Best to You,
Ian
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