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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 11-26-17, 01:32 AM
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How do I deal with family conflicts?

My older brother and my parents are not easy to work out problems with. They are impulsive and interrupt me when I'm talking and often employ the use of ad hominem attacks.

They have a habit of saying something cruel to me one day and then the next morning act as if nothing happened. The next day they will often even be happy or giddy when they tell me good morning. If I try to bring up what happened the night before they will not acknowledge my perspective at all and will become very livid. Then 1-2 hours later they will go back to acting as if nothing happened again.

If I ever don't have a smile on my face they will jump to the assumption that I am in a very bad mood, and will address me with a question such as, "What is your deal?"

They almost always go straight to extreme conclusions by saying things like, "you are an idiot for doing this..." or "you look stupid with your hair styled like that".
They will even go as far to judge me simply based on mannerisms alone. I am very self-conscious and the glares I get from my family members are too much for me to emotionally handle.

Does anyone have any advice for me in this situation? I am well informed on various coping skills but there is a point when I feel like my efforts are hopeless and that my family members will never change.



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Old 11-26-17, 11:10 AM
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Re: How do I deal with family conflicts?

I have an older sister who's a bit like that. It's very exhausting spending time with her. Based on my experience (I'm 45 btw), they will not change. The only person you can change, unfortunately, is yourself. Not saying that you should change, just don't waste energy hoping they will change.

If they won't listen to you when you talk about the problem, nothing will happen. I've tried that approach with my sister and she tried to change her attitude towards me, but it didn't last very long. I do however appreciate that she at least tried.

Now I just spend as little time with her as possible. Might be hard in your case if you still live with your parents (I don't know your age).

Hate to be a downer, just sharing a bit of my experience. Instead look forward to when you can live on your own. Meanwhile, try to find enjoyment in other aspects of life where your family have less influence.
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Old 11-26-17, 01:02 PM
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Re: How do I deal with family conflicts?

I feel for you. Dealing with negative family members is hard, absurdly hard.

Unfortunately there's a 99.9 percent likelihood that your family will never change ... sorry to bring you that bad news. But if you're assuming they will change, you're heading down the wrong path.

But you can change. You can change how you respond to their weirdness ... you can plan for their weirdness ... you can talk to other people for different strategies.

The hardest part of dealing with my family was coming out of denial--denial that they could act in another way. And then switching to thinking about how to sooth and comfort myself when they said something hurtful.

My problems even continued long after I moved out ... I would sometimes call a friend long-distance in the middle of some family weirdness just to get some different energy. That was the best I ever came up with--stopping and calling friends out of town.

Tone
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Old 11-27-17, 05:38 AM
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Re: How do I deal with family conflicts?

Boundaries. Do you have to live with them?
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Old 11-27-17, 01:20 PM
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Re: How do I deal with family conflicts?

Thanks for the responses.

To provide a little more info-

I am 19, and am currently living at home.

I have a part time job and I can not afford to move out.

I am planning on going back to college in the Spring which would effectively add some distance between my family and I. This is something significant and positive that I am looking forward to.



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