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  #61  
Old 10-11-14, 04:28 AM
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Re: Domestic Violence Safety Plan - Men and Women

This thread is amazing!!! I'm a latin woman and people always make jokes that being crazy and abusive just comes with our territory. I hate that people think its funny when women are physically and more importantly verbally abusive. Woman or man we all need to learn how really respect each other and more importantly ourselves. When you respect yourself there's no need to lose control and abuse another person. No need for it and I'm over the excuses!
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  #62  
Old 10-11-14, 01:47 PM
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Re: How To Spot An Abuser - For Men

Well said becksters
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  #63  
Old 10-20-14, 11:19 PM
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Re: How To Spot An Abuser - For Men

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazygirl79 View Post
Hi
I'm a woman but I also feel that the female to male abuse is not talked about enough!
My father used to say the pendulum never stays in the middle!

Basically, our society focuses on woman's issues and sometimes goes to the point of the other way. No shop will ever talk about "men's cancers" but the cosmetic industry finally realized that women get other cancers than just breast cancer for example.

I've been verbally abused by some females myself. I'm not an alpha male and easy for anybody to "walk over" by nature which is bad.

The truth is
1) women's issues do legitimately exist and should be dealt with
2) sometimes men are neglected too but the same forces in other ways
3) all people count.

In terms of violence against women, all violence is bad. The only thing that makes violence against women 'worse" is 1) frequency and 2) difference
in strength between average male and average female.
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  #64  
Old 07-18-16, 02:54 PM
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Re: How To Spot An Abuser - For Men

This is opposing the topic but some guys like that type of woman occasionally
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  #65  
Old 07-23-17, 09:23 AM
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Re: How To Spot An Abuser - For Men

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Originally Posted by thisnotme View Post
This is opposing the topic but some guys like that type of woman occasionally
If it is truly abuse, then no one would like it, otherwise it wouldnt be considered abuse.
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  #66  
Old 11-28-17, 02:23 AM
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Re: How To Spot An Abuser - For Men

This touches on our humanity. We are all culpable. Playing victim doesn't cut it. There are no victims. The guide above is not meant to be for Snowflakes to feel better about themselves. The guides are about action, not ego justification.

It's not that abuse just might happen, it is inevitable. When surrounded by abusive behavior, its how we deal with it. Identifying it in others can come as a shock. We are surrounded by potential enemies. In everyone, the enemy is also within. Understanding that the abusive person has big mental issues is a starting point. Forgiveness only works initially. Action must be taken to be sovereign. Otherwise, its just the blame game. It's not easy. Others will attempt to derail your efforts. You must continually hone your awareness that danger exists always, like a warrior. One must develop self esteem, and a taste for self-preservation. This might involve being rude, calm or compassionate, when none was shown to us.

Actually, it has been. We have learned to disrespect it. We honor the strong. We were shown that weakness is bad. We have to resolve this dilemma and identify the behaviors exactly which comprise strength and weakness. Dominance and submission. Do these words strike fear in you?
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  #67  
Old 11-28-17, 05:26 AM
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Re: How To Spot An Abuser - For Men

I think for men, it's more psychological. I find women are generally better at getting into a mans mind than vice versa. Which would make sense, as we are generally more simplistic beings. I don't however mean that we're stupid, but our values and our desires could be written on a sticky note while women's values and desires could fill an encyclopedia.

We're more vulnerable psychologically while women are of course more vulnerable physically.
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Old 11-29-17, 09:36 AM
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Re: How To Spot An Abuser - For Men

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikemotorbike View Post
This touches on our humanity. We are all culpable. Playing victim doesn't cut it. There are no victims.
I disagree, abuse is a power thing and there most certainly is a victim.

Quote:
The guide above is not meant to be for Snowflakes to feel better about themselves. The guides are about action, not ego justification.
I dont like the word snowflakes cause it implies that people are so sensitive its ridiculous. Unless you didnt mean that in which case I apologize.

Quote:
It's not that abuse just might happen, it is inevitable. When surrounded by abusive behavior, its how we deal with it. Identifying it in others can come as a shock. We are surrounded by potential enemies. In everyone, the enemy is also within. Understanding that the abusive person has big mental issues is a starting point. Forgiveness only works initially. Action must be taken to be sovereign. Otherwise, its just the blame game. It's not easy. Others will attempt to derail your efforts. You must continually hone your awareness that danger exists always, like a warrior. One must develop self esteem, and a taste for self-preservation. This might involve being rude, calm or compassionate, when none was shown to us.
You are saying this forgetting the fact that the abuser has convinced the victim that they have no power and that they are better off with the abuser for the sake of their physical/mental wellnbeing, their kids, their finances or protection. No matter how unhealthy it is and how well the victim can admit that its unhealthy it doesnt mean that knowledge becomes power.
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Old 11-29-17, 04:56 PM
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Re: Further Discussion split off from "How To Spot An Abuser - For Men"

moderator note

the original posts that are guidelines for spotting an abuser have been retained as a sticky for reference here: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189282

they have been split off from this discussion so as to preserve their usefulness.

carry on,
-peri
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