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Old 12-05-17, 10:12 AM
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Need help getting my life organised (long post sorry)

Hi all sorry for the convoluted post but need some help and direction here with my life as im reaching a point which i know from experience is really bad for me. This post is a bit of a dump but im hoping it'll paint a picture of my current state of life and find some suggestions from people who have been through or supported people in similar positions. I love my friends and family but talking to them about this is no help as i get "just clean it" "just start and it'll get done", which i understand as they come from a different angle.

So i've been on a bit of a journey over the last few months after getting a diagnosis through a specialist i was feeling pretty positive about the changes that would come if it worked as said. Medications wise i went from dex to rit then last week back to dex (only options in oz). First time on dex i ended up in hospital with crazy ticks and twitches, was suggested on here that its likely an interaction with prozac which turned out to be correct so im grateful for that. I do have motor and vocal tics anyway but this was next level stuff, muscles twitching in face and all over body etc. Have since come off prozac and back on dex, and is better in every way over ritalin except it doesnt really lift my mood. Having said that i sometimes fall asleep after 1 dex or 2 rit so over time might need to adjust my dosage. Sudafed makes me drowsy also, anyway i digress...

In life though im seriously struggling, at home, socially, uni, and whatever else ive blocked out... all those compound emotional and self worth issues and at 37 i have no intention of looking for a relationship when things are like this. Right now its safe to say if im not in complete burnout im right on the edge of it. I do have high functioning autism so it might be a part of that, but whats causing it is total dis-organisation in pretty much every area of my life from money, uni, and the shameful state of my house.

I dont know how to explain it, maybe people on here will understand, but for example my house. Hate it, disgusting, want to renovate it, can do all that stuff. I want to, im a home body and need a place to relax. I know exactly what i need to do, but i just dont. I cant explain it, its like a block. Sometimes im just lazy and want to watch netflix, but the majority of the time when i go to start cleaning i just reach an impass. Im doing an architecture at uni, so my dad has asked to draw up some plans in cad for him, easy to do. Doesnt happen. I want to, but when i go to i just get confused or something.

I live by myself in a detached unit at the back of my family's property, and I wont ask them to help clean up. Im ultra private so i find it beyond shameful, i dont want them to see what the place looks like when they allow me to live here as they'll probably see it as a lack of gratitude, plus they're hardcore against me drinking and theres 8 months of wine bottles and beer cans around the place. When i was living with my ex it was fine, same as when the house is organised the way that makes sense to me, but i need money to make changes around the place as the location of everything is poorly thought out and doesnt make sense to me.

Money wise just hopeless, im on a disability pension that we thankfully get in oz. Its enough to live on if you hardly pay rent like i do here, but it just get wasted on **** like takeaway, wine cos when im at home i cant relax, or i feel like a recluse and have to go out and end up blowing money at the pub every now and then. So im in a constant state of borrowing, thanking, repaying, saying last time, rinse and repeat.

Id be cool with this if i was 18, but im 37 now. In this regard i feel like a child, not capable of living by myself and have a total block towards relationships at the moment till i can get this sorted. My ex lived with me here but things have gone downhill house since we moved on a couple years ago. Uni i've gotten high marks but im at risk of failing because of my lack of organisation and leaving everything to the last minute so things get handed in late, or last semester 3 units i pulled the pin on the end of year assignments as id topped out and just sat at home playing games hiding from the world to unwind.

I have a psych provides plenty of suggestions and her advice is invaluable to me, but in this regard ive made no progress. Cant find any support groups for adults with add, only parents of children and children, and the ASD support group is so negative i could only tolerate 2 sessions there.
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Old 12-06-17, 05:52 AM
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Re: Need help getting my life organised (long post sorry)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vex187 View Post

So i've been on a bit of a journey over the last few months after getting a diagnosis through a specialist i was feeling pretty positive about the changes that would come if it worked as said. Medications wise i went from dex to rit then last week back to dex (only options in oz). First time on dex i ended up in hospital with crazy ticks and twitches, was suggested on here that its likely an interaction with prozac which turned out to be correct so im grateful for that. I do have motor and vocal tics anyway but this was next level stuff, muscles twitching in face and all over body etc. Have since come off prozac and back on dex, and is better in every way over ritalin except it doesnt really lift my mood. Having said that i sometimes fall asleep after 1 dex or 2 rit so over time might need to adjust my dosage. Sudafed makes me drowsy also, anyway i digress...
So are you on dex or ritalin? Which one makes you sleepy? If you normally have tics there is clonidine which is often prescribed to be taken with stimulants for tics that can develop. It might be worth considering if you want to stay on stimulants.


Quote:
In life though im seriously struggling, at home, socially, uni, and whatever else ive blocked out... all those compound emotional and self worth issues and at 37 i have no intention of looking for a relationship when things are like this. Right now its safe to say if im not in complete burnout im right on the edge of it. I do have high functioning autism so it might be a part of that, but whats causing it is total dis-organisation in pretty much every area of my life from money, uni, and the shameful state of my house.
Theres that word....shame. A word that does us no good and makes us hate ourselves and gives us fear. Fear is the motivator when it comes to substance use, and asking for help.
Quote:
I live by myself in a detached unit at the back of my family's property, and I wont ask them to help clean up. Im ultra private so i find it beyond shameful, i dont want them to see what the place looks like when they allow me to live here as they'll probably see it as a lack of gratitude, plus they're hardcore against me drinking and theres 8 months of wine bottles and beer cans around the place.
Why are they hardcore against you drinking? And why havent you thrown away the bottles?

Quote:
Money wise just hopeless, im on a disability pension that we thankfully get in oz. Its enough to live on if you hardly pay rent like i do here, but it just get wasted on **** like takeaway, wine cos when im at home i cant relax, or i feel like a recluse and have to go out and end up blowing money at the pub every now and then. So im in a constant state of borrowing, thanking, repaying, saying last time, rinse and repeat.
Do you have a substance use issue?

Spending money intended for something in your life like rent, food, etc on alcohol is a dangerous situation.
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Old 12-06-17, 07:44 AM
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Re: Need help getting my life organised (long post sorry)

Thanks for the reply.
Im on dex now, ritalin was ok but the crash was too hard and only lasted 2.5-3hrs for me, so if i had a long day at uni id crash, get dizzy spells and feel crap have anxiety spells and have to take more which meant id miss out another day and end up running out as last semester there were a ton of 12hr days working on projects.

Ive fallen asleep after taking 20mg of ritalin (was on 20mg 3 times a day), i have after taking 10mg of dex also. Last week i went back onto dex after coming off prozac, started on 5mg twice a day, much calmer but in a really subdued mood almost lethargic but still much better than the anxiety and hyper scatter head ive been living with for years. Even sudafed makes me drowsy, dont know why.

This week I was told to go to 10mg twice a day and its much better, but i still walk into the kitchen and forget what i went there for, zone out on conversations to the point where people get offended as they think i dont care what they're talking about,and are still pretty flat mood wise but the doc said next time i see him in jan he'll review it and work out whats right dosage wise from here. Dex is the better choice over ritalin just prob need to be on another 5mg twice a day.

My family are against alcohol as theres been lots of alcohol abuse in the greater family, more notably my dad's dad who was a physically abusive alcoholic. Went through my own issues in my early 20s but thats a good 15 years in the past now and would spend at most $10-12/week on alcohol, most of the time just to knock the edge off my anxiety, but with dex i havent had any in a week or so now as it just holds no interest. What wastes the little money i have is buying take away because my kitchen is a mess or i dont plan eating until im hungry then need to eat asap, or impulse buy things i dont really need. The logical move is to not, but again thats why im posting.

I have no idea why i havent thrown away the bottles, thats sorta what im getting at. Just like why i havent done anything else around the house, like setup an efficient study area or nice area to relax and so on... this is what i dont understand whats happening at the moment and how to get past it. Intellectually its obvious, ive lived on my own for 20 years now, i can keep a clean house clean but when things get to the point where they are now, i look and get overwhelmed, confused or something, like i said i dont really know whats going on. At best i'll move a bunch of stuff around and accomplish next to nothing in a couple hours.

Guess i was hoping someone might have been through something similar before and could share their ways they worked through it. The most obvious thing is to get someone in to help me get things organised, but i dont know who would.
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Old 12-06-17, 08:57 AM
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Re: Need help getting my life organised (long post sorry)

I would throw away all of the bottles first.
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Old 12-06-17, 12:42 PM
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Re: Need help getting my life organised (long post sorry)

Sounds like you are depressed.

You couldn't take Prozac and a stimulant at the same time ... OK, there are a good dozen or so antidepressants out there. Push your provider to recommend a different one. Plenty of us have to take antidepressants and stimulants.

You may need the help of an antidepressant before you can benefit from therapy. But it may also be that you need a different therapist, one who is more motivating and inspiring.

As far as fixing up your place, you can't beat yourself up into doing that ... you can't will yourself into doing that. Procrastination on cleaning and straightening is a huge problem for people with ADHD. But also a huge problem for people with depression.

Get that depression under control, get your mood to a higher level with meds, then go from there. When mired in depression, it is really impossible to think clearly. So once you get your mood up, you'll be in position to think more clearly and your shame will decline as well.

And yes, throw away the bottles.

Tone
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Old 12-09-17, 06:39 AM
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Re: Need help getting my life organised (long post sorry)

Thanks peeps,

Appreciate the replies. Would love to throw the bottles away, just the issue of people seeing them. Looks worse than it is, bottle or 2 every week over 6 months and its hard not to believe im not a raging alcoholic.

Ive only just started back on the the dex, and the dosage im on im far more relaxed but i dont get a mood bump at all. I took 10mg this afternoon for example and fell asleep 2hrs later. I am sick though, but i was on 20mg x3/day on ritalin for it to be in the right spot so maybe over time another 5mg twice a day or so will help with that.

Depression is a problem, has been on and off my whole life, at the moment it seems like one of those self perpetuating things... Prozac was the only one that i could take, have been through so many over the years and hated all of them. Most of them i got disgusting side effects and felt like someone gave me half of a dodgy ecstacy, grinding teeth and all that, and sticking those side effects out never helped pull the depression away. Even then all i got from prozac was it knocked back my anxiety (which was great as i was having panic attacks), but as the anxiety started creep back I was referred by the therapist to this psychologist who specialises in anxiety management and add, hopefully finding something better, and this is where the add diagnosis came from. With dex anxiety, irritablity and everything instantaneously disappears, the only reason i went off it i is i had woke up one day with crazy muscle twitches all over my body, cheeks, arms legs and ended up in A&E. It was suggestd on here it was likely an interaction with the ssri and so far they seem right on the money, so thanks whoever suggested that.

I owe my life to the my therapist, she's the only one that doesnt tell me about me, but asks prompting questsions and days later echo back like an inverted bell ring allowing me to work out my solutions myself, and the only one ive never felt a need to argue with. She's on the autism spectrum also so she gets a lot of my sturgles. Ive come a long way since seeing her, but in terms of life organisation (starts with the house) thats entirely on my own accord. When things are organised its easy to keep on track, but when they've gone this far i just look at everything and go blank or something. No idea, thats what i was hoping from with this post, as ive heard its typical with add and was hoping to hear someone who's been through something similar and they way they dealt with it. Be it got someone in to help clean, or whatever.

As it turns out the other day i just started cleaning, got rid of the majority of trash and **** out of the house or into bags ready to go. Like i said im ultra private for better or worse so dont want people to see it as i find it embarrassing, and as myself and my parents look after my grandparents who are in palliative care there's few opportunities to get my **** out of the house and to the dump.

After the work i did the other day, ive gotten it to the point now where my dad heads off to the gym and i can get everything loaded into the car and rush off to the dump and gone forever without anyone noticing. Then I can start renovating this place that makes no sense to me, if i can get that done this will be a major problem solved in my life . Maybe i just needed to get it off my chest, i dont know, or maybe the dex is better for me in this regard over the ritalin. I do know that ritalin and alcohol was not good as it was too good, it was like cocaine that lasted for hours. Dex i have no interest even if its sitting in a glass in front of me
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Old 12-09-17, 07:42 AM
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Re: Need help getting my life organised (long post sorry)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vex187 View Post
Thanks peeps,

Appreciate the replies. Would love to throw the bottles away, just the issue of people seeing them. Looks worse than it is, bottle or 2 every week over 6 months and its hard not to believe im not a raging alcoholic.
Here is an embarrassing secret that I used to do but worked. I would sneak them into the regular trash, when I was in the throws of the worst of my alcoholism and was hiding it and embarrassed for anyone to see how much I drank I would bribe the regular garbage men with 20$ to haul it away. Definitely NOT proud but in your case I think in order to get the reminder of all the alcohol you did drink, foregoing environmental guidelines and sticking a few well padded ones in the trash is ok just for this little bit. The reminder does more harm IMO.

Quote:
Depression is a problem, has been on and off my whole life, at the moment it seems like one of those self perpetuating things... Prozac was the only one that i could take, have been through so many over the years and hated all of them. Most of them i got disgusting side effects and felt like someone gave me half of a dodgy ecstacy, grinding teeth and all that, and sticking those side effects out never helped pull the depression away. Even then all i got from prozac was it knocked back my anxiety (which was great as i was having panic attacks), but as the anxiety started creep back I was referred by the therapist to this psychologist who specialises in anxiety management and add, hopefully finding something better, and this is where the add diagnosis came from. With dex anxiety, irritablity and everything instantaneously disappears, the only reason i went off it i is i had woke up one day with crazy muscle twitches all over my body, cheeks, arms legs and ended up in A&E. It was suggestd on here it was likely an interaction with the ssri and so far they seem right on the money, so thanks whoever suggested that.
I cant handle SSRI's. I take cymbalta and its an SNRI and it saved my life. There's also tricyclic antidepressants. If You want my opinion, I get sick of prozac being the go-to with antidepressants when there are so many others out there.

Quote:
I owe my life to the my therapist, she's the only one that doesnt tell me about me, but asks prompting questsions and days later echo back like an inverted bell ring allowing me to work out my solutions myself, and the only one ive never felt a need to argue with. She's on the autism spectrum also so she gets a lot of my sturgles. Ive come a long way since seeing her, but in terms of life organisation (starts with the house) thats entirely on my own accord. When things are organised its easy to keep on track, but when they've gone this far i just look at everything and go blank or something. No idea, thats what i was hoping from with this post, as ive heard its typical with add and was hoping to hear someone who's been through something similar and they way they dealt with it. Be it got someone in to help clean, or whatever.
Do you have a non-judgemental friend who could come in and help? Just having a partner makes the load lighter.
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Old 01-02-18, 07:06 AM
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Re: Need help getting my life organised (long post sorry)

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Definitely NOT proud but in your case I think in order to get the reminder of all the alcohol you did drink, foregoing environmental guidelines and sticking a few well padded ones in the trash is ok just for this little bit. The reminder does more harm IMO.
Thanks, sorry for the late reply been away over christmas/ny. Came back to see all of this stuff and you're spot on i think, its a reminder but an unhealthy one. I do have a habit of being hard on myself but time get this stuff sorted over the next couple weeks. Things settled down over the last week or so, dex is far better and no crazy ticks this time. Also way less anxiety and hardly been drinking so its a good start.


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I cant handle SSRI's. I take cymbalta and its an SNRI and it saved my life. There's also tricyclic antidepressants. If You want my opinion, I get sick of prozac being the go-to with antidepressants when there are so many others out there.
I'll see how i go over the next month then i'll go talk with my doctor about some options if my motivation doesnt pick up. Sorta hoping it will if i go up on my dex dosage, still fall asleep when after taking 10mg sometimes lol. Go figure, not sure how that works. The only ssri ive taken that "worked" was prozac, and that just helped with anxiety. All others were horrid and i never lasted more than a month. I'll talk to him about the snri though, good to know as i had no idea what to do if my motivation doesnt pick up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Do you have a non-judgemental friend who could come in and help? Just having a partner makes the load lighter.
At the moment not really, none at least i want to share with. My social circle is pretty lean these days, been off work for a long time, lucky enough to get a disability pension in oz, dont go out clubbing/pubs these days and im literally old enough to be the father of most of the other people in my course at uni. Broke up with my partner a couple years ago, house was fine then and before i met her, but after that i just let everything drop. That whole thing hit pretty hard even though i ended it, and is probably the point where the disorganised home started. Once it got to a certain point i struggled to clean it properly, just did lots of small things sorta got confused and left it... but saying that it sounds like a good justification for procrastination .

Ultimately ive just got to get my **** together, being away was good and coming back to shambles was bad in a good way. Really appreciate the replies, thanks. My experiences anyway have been i dont find a lot of people who can relate/understand so its something i value.
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