ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-25-17, 12:15 AM
Curmudgeon's Avatar
Curmudgeon Curmudgeon is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9
Thanks: 1
Thanked 8 Times in 3 Posts
Curmudgeon is on a distinguished road
"I love you, but I don't like you."

Have you ever had to deal with this sentiment from a significant other or have you felt this way yourself?

Tonight I called my wife out on how she seems to be easily irritated with ADHD quirks of mine that used to be of no real consequence and used to only elicit a chuckle or a joke from her. For the past year or so I've noticed that my wife has become increasingly less patient with me. I'm usually a pretty easygoing person when it comes to relationships. I don't worry much about the "little stuff", the minor irritants that come from being in a relationship with another imperfect human being.

But tonight I kinda had my fill of being the "easygoing" guy and I called out my wife in a sarcastic smart-arsed way. I did something that irritated her and she expressed frustration with it, and I responded with, "It must be tough being married to someone that you love, but that you don't like, eh?"

And she looked at me in a way that I knew she was totally serious and said, "You have no idea", as she walked away and went off to bed.

Right now I find myself alternating between thoughts of "Well, screw YOU then!" and "Oh wow, what kind of loser AM I?!?"

I've suspected that this situation was developing for a few years now. But it was only tonight that it finally came to a head and was brought out into the open.
....................

Honestly, I don't even know what I'm looking for here. I've shed some tears tonight wondering if I've wasted some of the best years of my life being married to the wrong person, or worse, having wasted another person's good years by being married to me.

I have no clue what to do now. I think tomorrow I'll go for a day hike and try to sort out my feelings and thoughts. Clearly things are not good.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Curmudgeon For This Useful Post:
aeon (12-25-17), Little Missy (12-25-17), namazu (12-25-17)
  #2  
Old 12-25-17, 03:49 AM
Fraser_0762's Avatar
Fraser_0762 Fraser_0762 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the clouds?
Posts: 4,904
Thanks: 3,799
Thanked 5,942 Times in 2,883 Posts
Fraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: "I love you, but I don't like you."

You're assuming she's in a bad mood because of you. Perhaps she's in a bad mood for other reasons, doesn't want to talk about them and is simply using you to let off some steam.

One major thing i've learnt about women is to never assume anything with them. You may think you know exactly whats going on with her, when you could be so far off.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fraser_0762 For This Useful Post:
aeon (12-25-17), peripatetic (12-25-17)
  #3  
Old 12-25-17, 04:05 AM
osum79 osum79 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Auckland
Posts: 3
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
osum79 is on a distinguished road
Re: "I love you, but I don't like you."

Im female divorced non adhder
All i ever wanted from my husband was communication
Eg tell me the things that i did that upset him
Hear me when i said the things that bothered me
It would have been my dream come through to go through each item and find a compromise, someone agree to changing in this respect for the well being of the relationship, and the other agreeing to let x slide in return

So i would recommend you willingly initiate some open honest conversation with your wife.

Being single in the era of tinder and disposable relationships is a minefield. Its definitely worth trying to save yr marriage.

If you cant talk to eachother respectfully (without sarcasm etc) get a couple counsellor. Its worth the money if you dont want the prospect of growing old and dying alone.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 12-25-17, 05:06 AM
aeon's Avatar
aeon aeon is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
Posts: 7,805
Thanks: 23,378
Thanked 13,277 Times in 5,913 Posts
aeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond reputeaeon has a reputation beyond repute
Re: "I love you, but I don't like you."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
One major thing i've learnt about people is to never assume anything with them. You may think you know exactly whats going on with them, when you could be so far off.
Fixed.


Cheers,
Ian
__________________
@>~,~~'~ Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to aeon For This Useful Post:
Fraser_0762 (12-25-17), namazu (12-25-17)
  #5  
Old 12-25-17, 05:09 AM
Fraser_0762's Avatar
Fraser_0762 Fraser_0762 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the clouds?
Posts: 4,904
Thanks: 3,799
Thanked 5,942 Times in 2,883 Posts
Fraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond reputeFraser_0762 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: "I love you, but I don't like you."

Quote:
Originally Posted by aeon View Post
Fixed.


Cheers,
Ian
Oh no, us men are far more simple. Women can read men far more easily than men can read women.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-25-17, 07:52 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 25,513
Thanks: 5,574
Thanked 29,836 Times in 13,562 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: "I love you, but I don't like you."

Something's been brewing and unless you honestly and openly(without her fearing your judgement) ask her about it and get her to tell you, its going to continue to brew until it sours. It seems easy "whats up with you over the last 3/6/9/months?? You've been biting my head off" but that is not going to work.
What might work: "I have felt like I have been bothering you and getting on your nerves alot lately-awhile actually. The last thing I want to do to someone I love is annoy them. Is there anything I can do? Is there something I need to work on? I want to meet your needs and I cant if you wont tell me what they are".
Then be prepared for her to be taken off guard. She may spew it out in relief you are aknowledging an issue or get defensive. If she gets defensive then:" I am not saying you are doing anything wrong or to me, I have noticed though that something has been bothering you. Ill let you think about this for awhile and when you are ready we can talk".Then move on. If she gets defensive do not get drawn into a fight, Its a form or deflection.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (12-25-17), namazu (12-25-17), OyVeyKitty (12-25-17), ToneTone (12-25-17)
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Learn to love your difficult child ccom5100 General Parenting Issues 6 12-09-13 09:23 AM
The "I LOVE My Job" Thread Biads Careers/Job Impact 7 10-01-10 03:39 PM
I Love Snacks EshkaronsEngine Chit-Chat 2 09-04-10 08:30 PM
Poetry of James, aka Jimmmaaa-If anyone is interested jimmmaaa Poetry 7 04-25-05 01:27 AM
If This Is Love BnB Poetry 0 04-11-03 03:59 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:09 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums